'I found a unique way to help my kids manage their emotions'

When it comes to our children’s wellbeing, most parents are relentless in the search for an answer, and this just might be it.

“Some children that come to me are on the spectrum and regardless of where they are, I work with their emotions and what needs expressing. I am an outlet for them to speak into so that they don’t need to hold onto the emotion anymore.”

Meet Fay Chan, an emotional freedom practitioner based in Victoria who is supporting children and their families through anxiety, learning challenges, sibling rivalry, eczema, bed wetting, night terrors and life in general by teaching them about the power of emotion, where we hold it in our bodies and how to release it by tapping.

What is tapping and how does it work? 

Emotional freedom technique is a method of emotional regulation where you “tap” on meridian points on your body derived from acupuncture. These points are believed to release energy blocks and negative emotions, that when left untreated, present in a myriad of different behaviours and symptoms in or on the body.

When it comes to our children’s wellbeing, most parents are relentless in the search for an answer. That’s often why we can find ourselves on month-long waiting lists to see specialists, filling out prescriptions, talking back and forth with the school, our friends, reading books, scrolling Instagram and feeling genuinely restless, and often helpless as we try and find the “solution.”

After a decade doing this work, Fay has supported children and their families presenting with all these types of challenges and getting incredible results, without the need for a prescription or even several appointments.

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I needed help

I met Fay about two years ago after “finding” her through the Instagram algorithm. Who says it’s not helpful, sometimes?

Fay doesn’t have a website, and has run her business through Instagram for the past five years, relying on “chance” encounters like mine, a parenting-focused Facebook group where she regularly contributes and a steady stream of word of mouth referrals.

Having been introduced to EFT tapping several years before, and going through a particularly emotional time in my life, I was drawn to her posts and decided to try her method.

My best advice for preparation for these sessions with Fay is to be open minded and trust that she will guide you. After sharing what was happening for me, Fay asked a few questions and wrote down some notes. Not long after that, the tapping session began.

Lucy's sons Harry and Lachie love tapping to manage their emotions. Image: Supplied

Fay starts by setting you up with a “positioning” statement; why you are here in session and what you are feeling. She then taps with you, guiding you around your body, starting by tapping on the side of your hand, the top of your head, the side of your eyebrow, under your eye, the point above your lip, your chin, the shoulder joint, down to your heart and then underneath the side of your bra strap.

Each of these points are derived from acupuncture pressure points, each connected to one of 12 meridians in the body, each of which has a specific name and location and is attributable to a unique emotional response or block.

This tapping pattern is repeated over and over, while Fay asks you to repeat the statements she has written, based on what you have told her. She stops you every now and then, to check in with your body for any signs or visions or memories that come up. For me, these sessions always elicit very brief memories, so fast sometimes you think you imagine their significance, but it's those quick snapshots that hold the key to the healing.

The experience was so uplifting and the results so quick - I’m talking 24 hours and I noticed a change in my own symptoms and a new kind of energy and outlook. So she was front of mind when it came to my kids.

How tapping works. Image: Supplied

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How tapping helped my kids

I have two boys, three years apart and at the time, the intensity of their fighting had started to concern me. I reached out to Fay and we talked it through and booked in separate sessions (three each) for both boys and the process began.

My boys were 9 and 6 at the time, so relatively young. I began each session with them at the computer and helped to update Fay on what had been going on and then shut the door for the session, where they each worked with Fay for about 30 minutes.

“Initially, I invite parents to be in the session too. However, as rapport is built with the child, I do prefer that I tap with them (online) by themselves. Sometimes by having parents there, it might impede on kids being totally free to say and express what they need to say,” says Fay.

The boys undertook a very similar process to Fay that I had, only the way she explains what you are doing is much more simplistic. She asks them questions, she sets up a positioning statement and she gets them to repeat after her, as she guides them through the same tapping points.

To be honest, they didn’t share much with me after the session, but they each kind of bounced out of the room when it was over. I noticed a definitive and immediate change in their energy, they seemed lighter, calmer and both slept very deeply after each session.

From a behaviour point of view, not only did the fighting tone down considerably, the way they communicated with each other seemed softer in general.

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For example, a day or so after the session with Fay, I walked into the room to find my older son sitting next to my younger son and talking him through the steps of a game they were playing together. And my younger son offered to do a chore I’d set for my older son so he “wouldn’t be too busy!”

Fay accounts for the “quick” response in kids to EFT this way:

“I think kids respond quicker to this technique only because they've been here for a shorter time with less baggage. They have had less time to fester, let the anxiety grow and deeply anchor. So kids respond faster only because they have a lot less years as a person.

“I also think that children are far more connected to their bodies and their awareness of emotional sensations are much more sensitive than having had time like adults to numb the sensitivity.”

A unique method helping children manage their emotions

Over the years, Fay has supported many children with learning difficulties and in 2020 EFT tapping was accepted for the NDIS.

Fay told Kidspot, she’s seen many children experience significant improvements in the classroom and general behaviour, when supported by tapping.

“Often learning difficulties come with anxiety or stressful thoughts or situations experienced by the child. And when you deal with taking away the stresses or the anxiousness then it leaves clarity for learning. When you remove emotional blocks then the results usually show up efficiently,” she said.

Same goes for experiences of anxiety and the myriad of ways it can present in our kids:

“Kids who learn about EFT tapping can use tapping to assist themselves with self-regulation. They often understand when the “big feelings” are about to grow and if they can catch it in time and start tapping it alleviates and stops the anxiety from increasing.”

While each child and situation is unique, Fay recommends most see her between three and seven sessions of 30 minutes, however sees some kids on a regular fortnightly basis for regular tapping sessions.

For our family, learning EFT has brought lots of unexpected positives into daily life. It has given us a new language for communicating our feelings, especially when things get tense or frustrating and we've even taken to doing family tapping sessions together. I notice this works especially well in the car to diffuse energy and get the day on a more positive track.

“When you tap as a group and especially as a family, and you all know the sequence and fundamentals of tapping, it's actually very accepting so it creates a safe place for everyone to express what is there for them at that time,” explains Fay.

“So it doesn't matter if they're accusing each other or blaming each other or being frustrated or angry - inside the tapping sequences as well as the tapping setup statements it's really very accepting and that creates an open discourse to discharge and alleviate strong feelings and emotions. Plus, whilst you're physically activating the meridian points, the electrical signal still gets sent to the amygdala which destresses the body.”

It has also improved the energetics of our broader family dynamic too, with noticeable improvements in communication, behaviour and a feeling of more easeful connection.

Many of Fay’s other clients cite these wonderful and spontaneous “changes” that appear as if overnight after an EFT session.

And of that Fay says: “Even though we all can't explain the miracles that show up, or shifts and breakthroughs that happen, if & when it happens for my clients (and it happens often!) then it's a fantastic bonus and a very positive thing!”

Originally published as 'I found a unique way to help my kids manage their emotions'