‘A sign of trust, not weakness’: One thing you need to talk to your partner about today

One major barrier is holding Australians back from talking to their significant other about this issue — and it could to be their detriment.

It’s one of the most important relationships — if not the most important — we have in our lives. But one major barrier is holding Australians back from having an equally important conversation with their partner — and it could to be their detriment.

Though almost one in two (49 per cent) people speak to their loved one about their mental health at least once a week — and one in five (19 per cent) do so every day, research by News Corp’s Growth Distillery with Medibank found that one in three Australians across all generations don’t talk about it at all, out of fear of becoming a burden to their significant other. A further one in four said they were afraid of being misunderstood, dismissed or perceived as weak.

Georgia Grace is a certified sex and relationship practitioner, somatic therapist and author based in Sydney.

“We need to get better at treating mental health disclosures as a sign of trust, not weakness,” she said.

“If you want intimacy — emotional, sexual, or otherwise — you have to make space for the imperfect stuff. That’s where real connection happens.”

Australia is in the grips of a mental health crisis, and people are struggling to know who to turn to, especially our younger generations. Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, equipping Aussies with the skills needed to have the most important conversation of their life.

Fear of being a burden or misunderstood aren’t the only barriers holding Australians back from confiding in their partner about their mental health, Grace said. Another key driver is fear of losing the relationship itself, “especially if in the past they have tried to ask for help or express they weren’t OK and they were ignored or punished”. Indeed, one in four respondents shared that they were afraid of negative repercussions.

One in two Australians speak to their partner about their mental health at least once a week, new research has found. Picture: David Swift

“Shame may also be getting in the way — a lot of people still carry the belief that struggling mentally makes them weak, broken or unlovable,” she said.

“So instead of opening up, they hide it, and that can become its own kind of pain. It might also be the fact that they don’t know how to talk about their emotions, or they don’t have the language to express what they’re feeling. Many of us haven’t been given the tools, so it can feel easier to let it go unsaid.”

‘Hiding often does the most damage’

Linda Williams is a senior psychologist and clinical lead at digital youth mental organisation ReachOut. Given your partner “is one of the closest people to you, in most cases, they’ll be able to tell something is wrong”, she said. Of Australians’ relationships, an overwhelming 81 per cent of respondents said that the one had the most trust in is the one they share with their partner, followed by close friends (75 per cent), parents (73 per cent) and children (71 per cent).

“It can be hard watching someone you love struggle, and not knowing why or how you can help,” Ms Williams said.

“If you don’t open up about your experiences, you risk misunderstandings. They might feel like you don’t trust them, which can put strain on your relationship.”

Grace agreed. “Hiding often does the most damage. When you’re not talking about what’s going on, the relationship starts running on assumptions, silence, and second-guessing,” she said.

“Your partner might start thinking you’re pulling away, not interested, or emotionally unavailable when really, you’re just trying to survive. That disconnect can create tension, resentment, or emotional shutdown.

Believing that you always have to be “the strong one” and that no one ever helps you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy,” Grace warned. “If you never ask for help or never share what you’re feeling … our partners aren’t mind-readers.”

‘You don’t have to tell them everything at once’

There is no “right” time to disclose a mental health problem you might have with your partner — “no perfect milestone or script”. But, Grace said, “sooner is usually better, especially if it’s starting to affect how you show up in the relationship”.

“It’s probably best not to ‘unload’ on a first date. Being open about your mental health is important, however, be intentional with what you share, as it can feel really overwhelming for your date if they feel like they need to go into ‘therapist mode’,” she advised.

When you do decide to broach the conversation, it can be helpful to “think of a few key things you want to share”.

“But you don’t need to over-rehearse — you’re allowed to be clunky,” Grace said.

Senior psychologist and clinical lead at ReachOut, Linda Williams. Picture: Supplied

Sex and relationships therapist Georgia Grace. Picture: Richard Dobson

“You don’t have to tell them everything at once. Start small: (you could say) ‘I’ve been dealing with something lately that I want share with you’,” she continued.

“Be clear on what you need from them — is it support, space, or just someone to listen? You also may not know just yet and that’s OK, but it’ll be important to reflect on this and give them information when you’re ready. (And) expect that they might not respond perfectly. That’s not a sign to shut down, as they also may not have the right tools. It’s a starting point for deeper understanding.”

Whether you’ve been together three months or 30 years, time and place is key to an effective chat.

“Choose a moment when you both have time and aren’t distracted, not when you’re both racing out the door on the way to work,” Grace said.

“In longer-term relationships, it’s also important to discuss mental health before you feel like it’s about to explode. If you trust the person and want something real with them, it’s worth talking about.”

‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’

As for what to do if you’re the one being confided in, “listen more than you speak”, Grace said.

“Don’t try to fix it, because you probably can’t. Also, your partner isn’t a problem that needs to be fixed — they are a person in the process of living,” she added.

“Don’t minimise it. Don’t jump into problem-solving mode unless they ask for it. Say something like, ‘Thanks for telling me. I’m here, even if I don’t have the perfect words.’

“And check in again later, not just once. That’s how you show someone you’re in it with them.”

As the listener, Ms Williams noted that “you might feel powerless to help, and that’s OK”.

“But you can help them manage their day-to-day experiences, encourage them to get professional support and help them feel less alone,” she said.

“Looking after yourself is an important part of looking after someone else. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Talking to someone you can trust can take some of the pressure off and help you navigate this tough time.”

Originally published as ‘A sign of trust, not weakness’: One thing you need to talk to your partner about today