Suzan Delibasic: My Nonna deserved to die with dignity - but she was failed in aged care

When memories of my Nonna come flooding back, I am still astonished by her courage. She deserved to die with dignity.

My Nonna (grandmother) Filomena had always been described as “full of life”.

Walking into her kitchen, handmade pasta lay across the floor on cotton sheets and the aroma of ragu filled the air.

She was known for her generous and hardworking spirit, where family was the centre of her world.

In her 90s, she began to experience the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease.

And despite signs of memory loss, her energy still astounded me.

She would always be the first one up to dance at family gatherings, bedazzling in her sequin dress.

But in January 2022, painfully, her whole world had changed.

Nonna, 93, had fallen at home, broke her hip and was forced to undergo surgery.

After surgery, it was clear that she had experienced a further cognitive decline.

At the time, it was decided by doctors that it was best for Nonna to go into an aged care facility as my Nonno (grandfather), 94, was unable to look after her.

The aged care facility boasted on its website that it specialised in dementia care.

However, my family later discovered this really wasn’t the case.

When I visited my Nonna for the first time in early February 2022, she was wearing a bright green dressing gown covered in food stains.

A stark contrast to her usual presentation – neatly dressed in a colourful jumper, costume jewellery and hair done.

Suzan Delibasic with her Nonna, Filomena, at a family celebration.

I sat down beside her and she lay motionless.

“Nonna it’s me, Suzana,” I said softly to her while holding her hand.

There was no response.

I began choking on my grief and my eyes welled up with tears.

A nurse walked into her room and I asked why is she like this?

She replied that my Nonna had been given sedatives as she was “irate” and “disrupting” other residents.

I was completely taken aback. Sedatives?

I soon came to learn that this wasn’t just a one-off occasion, it was clear my Nonna was being loaded up on these drugs as a way to manage her behaviour.

She began to deteriorate and was left on her own and afraid for hours on end.

To make matters worse, full trays of uneaten food were left beside her bed.

She looked malnourished.

But the worst example of neglect was in March, when she fell over in her bedroom.

There was a deep gash to the side of her head and bruising around her eyes.

For two hours, she then lay in an ambulance outside Box Hill Hospital. She was in severe pain and disorientated, crying desperately for help.

When she was finally admitted to the emergency department, she wasn’t attended to by nurses for at least another two hours.

She still had not seen a doctor. She lay there wailing, in agony, calling out for my grandfather, who she had been married to for more than 70 years.

Shortly after this incident, it was decided by family members that she would be moved to another aged care home.

Suzan Delibasic as a child with her beautiful Nonna.

And while the nurses did appear to be trained to deal with dementia residents, I still sensed a deep neglect and all-round lack of proper care.

Ambulances were called to her aid on at least three more occasions due to her experiencing more falls.

It was obvious that calls for additional supervision by nurses had fallen on deaf ears.

The most they did was put soft mats near her bed.

In August, she began to further deteriorate.

On one visit, I saw her sitting in a communal area with bandages draped across her head.

I held her bony hands and played her Elvis Presley’s rendition of My Way, a song she adored.

Like so many families, I sat by her side, clinging to every smile or small facial expression, which let me know she was still here.

A month later, she faced the cruel reckoning of the disease combined with her ongoing lack of care.

I watched her take her last breath in the early hours of the morning of September 12.

I don’t doubt that many nurses working in aged care facilities provide a high standard of care.

This was seen by healthcare workers, who had been working around the clock to give patients exceptional care, particularly in the inexorable depths of the Covid pandemic.

But, equally, the industry has been plagued with many issues in recent years including the shocking neglect and abuse of residents, underfunding and a workforce shortage.

The latest data shows more than half of aged care homes in Victoria are not spending enough time caring for residents.

Out of 736 facilities, 420 (57 per cent) did not meet one or both of their care minute targets, despite some going to extreme lengths to try and recruit amid a workforce shortage.

At least six families in Sydney are also currently seeking legal advice over the deaths of their loved ones in aged care.

They believed their deaths could have been prevented if they had received quicker or better healthcare.

When memories of my Nonna come flooding back, I am still astonished by her courage.

But I strongly believe that if she was properly cared for, then her life would have in some way been prolonged.

My Nonna Filomena truly did deserve so much better.

She deserved to die with dignity.

Originally published as Suzan Delibasic: My Nonna deserved to die with dignity - but she was failed in aged care