Barefoot Investor: let’s call this elderly couple’s budget situation what it is - financial abuse

Barefoot Investor has some frank advice for the daughter of an old man who’s using money to control his wife, and calls out an obvious scam that’s pulling in far too many victims.

Barefoot Investor Scott Pape.

My four-year-old is perched in the back of the ute throwing hay to our hungry livestock.

“I am the sheep Santa!” he announces with delight.

The rest of the kids are doing their jobs – scattering out grain, mineral lick blocks and lucerne rounds.

Life on the farm is bloody tough right now. We’re in drought, so there’s bugger-all grass, and I’m spending $250 a day on feed. Every. Single. Day. (Jesus may have rested on the Sabbath, but not these munching mutton-chops.)

And I know what the sheep are thinking:

“This bloke reckons he’s a financial expert, yet every afternoon he’s got his kids throwing $50 notes at us from the back of his ute! We’re eating better than he is!”

Bahhh!

As old farmers love reminding me, once you get to this stage, you’re not making money. But, with heavily pregnant ewes, I’ve got no choice – I need them in good nick for lambing.

And, right on cue, our first lamb of the season has arrived.

“We shall name him Kade Chandler!” announced my footy-mad nine-year-old. (Tip for new farmers: don’t let your kids name the livestock after their favourite AFL player.)

Still, there is a silver lining.

Maybe don’t name them if you’re going to eat them. Picture: Andrew Richey

Getting my kids to pitch in on the farm may well just be one of the best things I can do for them.

A study in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioural Pediatrics followed nearly 10,000 kids and found that those who did chores in kindergarten were more confident and socially capable by Year 3.

Then there’s the Grant Study out of Harvard, which has tracked people for over 85 years. It found that kids who did chores grew into more resilient, empathetic and capable adults.

It’s a blinding flash of the obvious, really.

If you give kids the chance to roll up their sleeves and take responsibility, they grow.

If you do everything for them, they don’t.

And yet here we are, in the middle of a youth mental health crisis, with the Government spending millions trying to teach resilience in classrooms. Now I appreciate it’s a complex issue, and kids today are facing pressures I never had to think about growing up.

Yet maybe there’s something in the simple stuff too. Like giving kids a job to do. Letting them feel needed. Helping them see that their contribution matters, even if it’s just taking out the bins or feeding the household pets.

Then again, maybe I’m the one who needs resilience training:

After we finished feeding the sheep, my daughter asked me to help her down from the ute.

It was a trap.

She looked me dead in the eye:

“Daddy, you need to promise not to sell these lambs. They can’t be eaten. We cannot eat Kade Chandler.”

“Oh. Ummm. Let’s talk about it on Sunday … over a lamb roast.”

Tread Your Own Path!

P.S.

Farmers are among the most resilient people on the planet. They have to be.

So if you’re on the land – or you love someone who is – know this: there is help.

Rural Financial Counsellors get what you’re facing. They can help you apply for drought assistance, talk to your bank, and be a steady financial sounding board when things get tough.

They’re free. They’re independent. And they’re in your corner.

Call them on 1300 771 741.

Scott Pape. Picture: Jason Edwards

Old Dog, Bad Tricks

Hi Scott,

My dear mum turned 70 last year and is in a concerning situation. Dad has always been frugal, but I have just found out he has put Mum in a really tight spot. She can’t claim the pension because Dad is still working and earning well. So she’s dipping into her superannuation for everyday expenses like fuel and groceries. Apart from paying some household bills, Dad contributes nothing. They own a paid-off house by the beach.

Mum worked for over 40 years, took time off to raise us three kids, and worked part time to support us. Mum can’t enjoy her retirement because she’s paying for living expenses from her dwindling super while her employed husband contributes nothing. If Dad loves Mum, why aren’t they sharing an equal pot of money? Do they need financial counselling or couples counselling?

Sue-Ellen

Hi Sue-Ellen,

Your dad isn’t being frugal – he’s being a total prick.

Your mum raised a family, worked for decades and, like so many women her age, ended up with bugger-all super. Now, at 70, she’s using what little she has left just to buy groceries, while your dad keeps working and pockets every cent for himself.

That’s not right.

Sue-Ellen, this is about your old man using money to control your mum. And the fact that it’s been this way for decades doesn’t excuse it … it actually shows just how deep the pattern runs with these two.

But here’s the tricky part: if you confront him, at best he’ll probably tell you to butt out. At worst, he’ll get his back up and dig in harder, and you’ll have strained your relationship with him.

So you need to be smart about this.

Your mum doesn’t need a financial counsellor (well, not yet at least). She needs to encourage him to go with her and see a couples counsellor, someone who can help put this dynamic on the table and gently call it what it is: Coercive control, which is another name for financial abuse.

That’s not being frugal, he’s being a total prick.

Don’t Make Me Google

Hi Scott,

I was recently contacted by an investment company called Caprion Group, which operates in the UK, Australia and New Zealand. Caprion’s account manager is encouraging me to invest $20,000, claiming they only risk 1 per cent per trade and that most trades are profitable. I’m unsure whether this is legitimate or wise. I’m a retired woman living on a government pension, with HESTA as my super fund. With recent market volatility, my super has dropped significantly. On top of that, I’ve just discovered HESTA has frozen all transactions until early June, with no clear explanation. Should I leave my super where it is, and can you tell me if Caprion Group is trustworthy?

Jenny

Hi Jenny,

Your question reminds me of a discussion I had with my son just this morning.

“Hurry up! We’ve got to go to your game. Why don’t you have your footy guernsey on?”

“I can’t find it”, he whined.

“Have you looked in your cupboard?” I asked.

“Yeah …”, he said unconvincingly.

I gave him my ‘dad’ stare.

“Oh … kay, I’ll have another look”, he humpfed.

A minute later he came back with it on.

Now, to your question.

First, I googled “Caprion Group + Scam”.

The very first listing was the ASIC MoneySmart website under their ‘investment scam alert’ list.

Their advice? “If it’s on the list, don’t take the risk.”

Jenny, Caprion was on the list.

Next, I googled “HESTA frozen transactions”, and hundreds of articles appeared.

The first article read: “Members of HESTA will be unable to access most services until June, as the superannuation fund undertakes a planned outage to change its administration provider.”

Jenny, as a member of HESTA there’s no need to worry (you’ve only lost access for a while, not your money.) However, if I were the CEO of HESTA, I’d be very worried. The fact that one of the biggest super funds in the country could screw this up so badly is totally unacceptable.

Scams are a multi billion-dollar industry.

What Would You Say to Your Sister?

Hey Scott,

Your column about low-income single parents buying a home with the help of the Government’s 2.5 per cent deposit got me talking with me and my single mum friends. It got us thinking … if you were sitting across the dinner table from your single mum sister, what specific advice would you give her about the possibility of buying a home in the future, considering the current costs?

Fiona

Hi Fiona

I’d tell her the truth: as a low-income earner she can’t afford it, and she shouldn’t do it.

After all, single parents don’t have time for sugar-coating things. Their lives are relentless. Adding financial stress to the mix can make things unbearable.

As a single parent your main priority is looking after your kids, both financially and emotionally. You can’t do that if you’re stressed out of your brain because you bought something you can’t afford to maintain. If you have no control over your bills, it won’t be long till you feel totally out of control.

Finally, I’d answer the question behind the question. What I think you’re really wanting to know is this: As a low-income single parent, how can I get financial security?

Now that is something you can absolutely achieve, and relatively quickly. It involves opening a separate bank account (which I call Mojo) and funding it with $2000. Yes it’s small change compared to buying a house, but you’ll be amazed at the Mojo it gives you.

Now I’m not a banker or a politician, so I can tell it to you straight:

The path to financial security doesn’t come by enslaving yourself with debt, it starts with savings.

DISCLAIMER: Information and opinions provided in this column are general in nature and have been prepared for educational purposes only. Always seek personal financial advice tailored to your specific needs before making financial and investment decisions.

Originally published as Barefoot Investor: let’s call this elderly couple’s budget situation what it is - financial abuse