‘We’re not stupid’: Family beg council to alter cemetery policy

A family is leading the charge to have council change its cemetery policy after items were removed from the graves of their loved ones. Read more here.

Whenever Andrew Wilson visits his childhood friend Brendan Wilson’s grave at the Pittsworth cemetery, he is constantly reminded of the special person he was.

When Brendan passed away in his sleep at the age of 28, it left an enormous hole in the hearts of his loved ones who have felt connected to him by decorating his grave throughout the past 10 years.

Residents of Pittsworth are now asking for Toowoomba Council to change its policies which prohibit personal artefacts from being placed on people’s graves.

Mr Wilson has been asked by Brendan’s family to speak on their behalf.

(from left) Matt Wilson, Anne Thompson, Andrew Wilson and Ben Wilson. Families are concerned with TRC rules on presentation of graves at Pittsworth Cemetery. Picture: Nev Madsen

“Brendan and I grew up together – I remember he used to get picked on in school so I made sure I always looked after him, and when he did pass away, it was a bit of a shock,” Mr Wilson said.

“Sudden deaths are hard at the best of times, but for these sentimental items to be here one week and gone the next without even telling the family, just makes it harder.

“I’m not here to persecute council, but the policy needs to be changed – it can’t be a blanket policy for every area because it’s completely different here than what it is in Toowoomba.”

The items removed which included a Broncos flag, black metal archway and solar lights, were later returned to the family, but Mr Wilson said the incident had left an emotional impact.

Describing Brendan as “the life of the party” and someone who “never let his disability stop his aura from shining”, Mr Wilson said the sentimental items allowed family to connect with their lost one.

With more than 60 residents gathering at the cemetery for an annual memorial service, the issue has sparked outrage.

Anne Thompson at the grave of her daughter Kelly Thompson. Families are concerned with TRC rules on presentation of graves at Pittsworth Cemetery. Picture: Nev Madsen

Anne Thompson visits the cemetery every week to visit her late daughter Kelly, who passed away in 2019, two weeks before she turned 29, and also knew Brendan very well.

“This is the place we last saw our daughter being buried, so to us this is the place we said goodbye to her and that’s the same for Brendan’s family too,” she said.

“At the end of the day, we’re all individuals and we need to be able to express that.”

Ms Thompson said she recalled items being removed from graves about six years ago but it stopped once the issue was raised directly with council.

“I’d like to see (council) let us continue doing what we’re doing – we’re not stupid people, we’re going to keep it to a minimum, but we just want it to look nice for people when they come to remember their loved ones,” she said.

“People often drive past and comment on what a nice cemetery it is – it doesn’t feel like you’re coming to a creepy place here because it offers so much warmth.”

Ben and Matt Wilson at the grave of their brother Brendan Wilson. Families are concerned with TRC rules on presentation of graves at Pittsworth Cemetery. Picture: Nev Madsen

Toowoomba Councillor Tim McMahon said there were uniform guidelines for placing memorial items at cemeteries.

“Council signs at the cemeteries detail terms and conditions for memorial items that can be placed at grave and memorial sites – these are agreed to at the time of interment,” he said.

“Certain items are banned to ensure public safety and allow council’s crews to maintain the cemeteries.

“This particularly relates to glass or ceramic vases and items with wire, such as fairy lights, which can hinder maintenance operations.

“Council appreciates the sensitivities of dealing with grieving relatives at a difficult time and is receptive to discussing memorial requests with families.”

Cr McMahon said council officers had invited family members to discuss their concerns.