Taking U-turn on the road to divorce

DID you see that story about the bloke and his wife who got divorced because she couldn’t read maps?

Damian Bathersby.

DID you see that story about the bloke and his wife who got divorced because she couldn't read maps?

Apparently, the judge granted the wife a divorce because they'd had an argument about the problem a few years earlier and she never got over it.

Talk about holding a grudge. One little blue over a few bad directions and they call it quits?

If my wife and I had split up the first time we got lost and had a fight, we wouldn't have lasted two months.

Twelve years after we first met, we still have regular arguments about navigating.

But do you see her rushing out to file divorce papers?

No!

Because she knows it's all her fault!

Whoops. I meant to cut that bit out.

The truth is, we're both at fault. She can read maps all right, but she has trouble translating it into simple instructions.

So, I'll be driving through city traffic and she'll say, "You need to turn left up near that thing".

Apparently, I am supposed to know "that thing" refers to a bright yellow advertising sign attached to a bus stop.

Silly me!

Or the old faithful - "Turn left! Turn left! Turn left!" - as we cruise past the turn.

No warning at all.

Apparently, I am supposed to have not only the reflexes of a cat and the driving skills of a Formula One champion but also psychic powers.

I admit I'm not perfect.

My main failing is my inability to do a simple U-turn.

Instead, I do what my wife calls a "G-turn".

In an attempt to go back from where we just came, I will make a complicated series of turns that eventually leave us pointing in an entirely new direction and travelling away from our destination at top speed.

It frustrates the hell out of my wife.

We've managed to get lost in several countries, wandering aimlessly in places where the street signs are in languages other than English.

But do we argue and try to blame each other?

Hell yeah!

We've even discussed the possibility of divorce more than once.

But sooner or later she admits it's all her fault and we never mention it again.

Bugger. I meant to cut that bit out as well!

On a different note, I know I have regularly mocked social media and all it stands for, but I've finally caved in and have a Facebook page.

Don't judge me!

Just get over it, visit my page, hit "Like" and maybe even share it with your friends (or your enemies).

* Facebook - DamianBathersbyMyShout

Originally published as Taking U-turn on the road to divorce