Relationship advice: Discover the best version of yourself

If you can't look after yourself, then how can you look after others?

Joanne Wilson writes about the importance of self-care for busy parents.

Have you seen that smart fridge where you don't need to open the door to see what's inside and it also communicates with Woollies if there's something missing?

I so need that! Or is it more like I want it?

In this crazy first world, it seems we absolutely need the latest groovy gadgets. Many are striving to keep up with Instagram-worthy exotic holidays, eating way too much, yet drowning in guilt for being too exhausted to get to the gym.

Are you working like crazy to haul in the required cash for this enviable lifestyle and ruminating over all the things you're not doing? You also can't enjoy dynamic and flourishing relationships if you're the withdrawn shadow of your former exuberant self. When you can't contribute to your intimate partner, family and friends because you're so exhausted, sad, depressed or full of self-loathing, many of your interactions won't end so well.

Enjoy my top 10 tips to ensure you're investing in the best version of yourself for great relationships:

The comfort of your discomfort:

Your whirring toxic thoughts of "can't” and "not good enough” will continue to hold you in a vice-like grip if you allow your brain to be stuck in the comfort of your discomfort. It sure is a cosy, familiar place but only you control your thoughts, which lead your mind and body.

Stop looking for shortcuts:

Sorry to break it to you, but those abs really won't reveal themselves with a pill, your glowing skin won't shine from eating hot pies and sauce, and your dream job won't be offered while Netflixing.

Start with a breath and a bang:

Up to eight minutes of mindful breathing or prayer nourishes your neural pathways and reinforces coherence in the heart, setting you up for success with clarity.

Back this up with a list of the three most important things to do today that will have the largest impact. Bang!

See an "overwhelmologist:”

Who's that? Mentors that tell you how they did it. They can break down where you want to be into bite-size pieces to help you get there.

It could be someone working in your dream industry, another parent at school you admire, a successful uncle or a counsellor, like me!

Watch a thought leader online each week:

For those who don't like reading, you've got inspiration from reputable gurus on YouTube on your smartphone any day of the week, on any topic such as relationships, real estate and finance.

Exercise:

Endorphins, enhanced cortical blood flow and feeling amazing - just do it.

Self-compassion:

I'm thinking golf days, horse riding weekends, day spas, silent retreats, flotation tanks, brewery tours, a bubbly bath at home, or reading a book under a tree.

Like me, I'm sure your to-do list is endless but it's important to 'not do', as well. I even block time out on the calendar.

Be grateful:

Write down three things each morning and three things each night. Include the best aspects of yourself you already feature, instead of getting to stuck in to what you're not.

Stick them in a jar and enjoy reading your time capsule which will include those days when you struggled to find one thing.

Build a "feel good” tribe:

Surround yourself with inspirational people. Unfriend those who consistently leave you feeling like a lesser version of yourself.

Experiment and learn a new thing each week:

Fear will sure keep the lid on your wildly successful and wonderful ideas.

Think like a scientist who relentlessly experiments, searches, tests and tracks their progress.

When in doubt, bias toward experiment and action.

Joanne is a neuropsychotherapist and relationship specialist of TheConfidante Counselling. Contact Jo atwww.theconfidantecounselling.com

Originally published as Relationship advice: Discover the best version of yourself