Takes tree to tango at Christmas

I HAD good intentions of getting our Christmas tree up in time for December 1 so I could start decorating it.

OH CHRISTMAS TREE: Christina Ongley shares her thoughts on that annual event - decorating the Christmas tree. . Picture: Nicholas Falconer

I HAD good intentions of getting our Christmas tree up in time for December 1 so I could start decorating it.

And I reckon I could have followed through with it too, if only The Farmer and I could have agreed on what sort of tree we would have.

I rang him on my way home one Thursday night a few weeks ago and told him I was going to take advantage of late-night shopping to upgrade our plastic Christmas tree - which, while adequate for when we just used to celebrate between the two of us, doesn't quite do the job when we have more family coming to visit.

"I thought we were going to have a real tree this year," The Farmer protested.

"Oh. I thought you were joking about that," I replied.

"No, I wasn't joking. Oh, go on then. Just ignore what I want and get your rubbish plastic tree," he whined.

I should interrupt for a second and explain that, while The Farmer isn't exactly the Christmas Grinch, he could be described as the Christmas Grump. And as a horticulturist, he loves trees and has always felt that if he had to get involved in Christmas, at least he could do it with something he liked to look at, rather than a plastic impostor.

I did a quick mental cost-benefit analysis: we'd have to wait weeks to get the tree so it didn't die, Christmas spirit would be put on hold, I'd be the one left to clean up all the fallen pine needles, but The Farmer would get his way and might be a trifle easier to deal with throughout December.

It was worth it for that last point alone - a real Christmas tree it would be.

But last weekend, as we were over at a friend's place and admiring their Christmas tree (well, I was, anyway), the subject of our own tree came up.

"You'd better sort it out soon. Maybe next weekend?" I suggested. The Farmer did a quick mental cost-benefit analysis: it had been bloody hot lately, he had spent much of the past week trying to fix troublesome equipment, acquiring a tree would require effort on his part that he may not be able to muster, and getting a new plastic tree would mean I'd get my way and would be a trifle easier to deal with during December.

So we bought a new tree.

I delved into our pile of stuff under the house, which includes a whole realm of interesting things from tools and empty equipment boxes to items we won't be able to fit in the house unless we do an extension, in search of my Christmas decoration collection.

It was a bit like The Castle ("Steve, can you move the Camira? I need to get the Torana out to get to the Commodore"). I had to move the mountain bike so I could get to the goods trolley so I could move the mower and access the stuff pile.

Squashed under about 14 other things and about a tonne of red dirt was my Christmas box. It was a miracle some of the glass decorations were still in one piece.

So we now have our fake tree sitting in our alcove, glowing at night and already sporting some presents. The Farmer shakes his head every time he walks past it.

And I can happily report I will still have to clean up the "pine needles" from the floor - it's just that they'll be plastic and not organic.

So I guess we're both even.

Originally published as Takes tree to tango at Christmas