Poincianas to make way for progress?

FREDERICK FRANKLY: I first heard of the council’s possible intention of removing trees from Barolin St when I gave a council official a lift.

PESKY POINCIANAS: NewsMail columnist Frederick Archer says the Barolin St poincianas can jump out and attack at any time. . Picture: Max Fleet

The conversation in the following opinion article is a fictional piece written by NewsMail columnist Frederick Archer. 

I FIRST heard of the council's possible intention of removing trees from Barolin St when I gave a council official a lift.

Something about his driver being ill and he could not handle such a big limousine.

The trees were in bloom and had to be admired.

"See! They are a distraction to drivers," my companion explained triumphantly.

"But we all love looking at them" I objected.

"And everyone can look for free, how can we of the council allow this? You are admitting to being distracted while in charge of a vehicle. "

"They must be at least 50 years old. Our pioneers must have found them very attractive to plant them all over the city."

"Attractive, yes but very dangerous. Those tree can sense when the driver of an oncoming car has been drinking and will jump right into his path. I know that for a fact. Some of my friends had had their cars smashed like that."

He was a council man so he must know about these things so rather then argue I changed the subject slightly.

"What do you intend to plant in their place, something smaller?"

"Moreton Bay figs seem to be the obvious choice. We will have to promise to plant something to keep the greenies happy."

"Do you think that once the trees go we an expected to see more overhead wires?"

"Now that is a splendid idea," my friend said enthusiastically.

"The wires would not only provide shade but show this city is progressing".

"But without those lovely poincianas our city will be much more drab."

"Drab but more modern," my council friend cried in triumph.

"Overhead wires always speak of progress and that is not only my idea. That is a straight quote from an electricity supply company director."

Later at home I tried to explain our conversation with my darling wife.

"What rot" she snorted, "those trees are large, old and beautiful. How many men get to appreciate all that?"

I looked at her back and thought, why me? How come I was lucky enough to score two out of three? But I refrained from commenting in case my wife thought I was trying to flatter her.

"You men let yourselves be ruled by your vehicles," my wife continued.

"New roads, wider thoroughfares, fewer potholes. Your cars tell you what they want and you obey. Why not try obeying the traffic rules - not drink when you drive or speed?"

Of course, as in all our discussions, my wife had to introduce logic.

he is so annoying when she says the obvious.

How could we males possibly be real men without our motor vehicles plus a little road rage? 

To claim we were ruled by our chariots was ridiculous.

Suddenly I heard my lovely auto calling.

Perhaps it wanted to remind me of my promise to give it only premium-grade petrol in the New Year.

I promptly left resolving to warn my gorgeous beast to steer clear of those dangerously swerving poincianas.

Originally published as Poincianas to make way for progress?