PM bowls a googly

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JACK: The Order of Australia Medal – one of our nation's highest accolades.

Bundaberg NewsMail columnist Jack McGovern. Picture: Scottie Simmonds

THE Order of Australia Medal - one of our nation's highest accolades.

A mere scroll through the list of past recipients is enough to see: it takes a fairly solid effort to get those three little letters after your name.

I could chuck a stranger in front of me in the coffee line a 20-cent piece because he didn't bring enough coins down from the office. I still don't think I'd be on the honour roll.

I could actually stop and talk to the passionate pamphlet-hander-outer-ers on the end of my street. I probably still wouldn't be Jack McGovern OAM.

I could even wash the dishes in my apartment's ever-filling sink - probably still wouldn't do the trick.

However, all of these things, and other (possibly even more important) deeds done by other Australians seem much more worthy of those three letters in question … than the deeds of one Sachin Tendulkar.

Earlier this week, Julia Gillard pinned one of those little medals on to Mr Tendulkar's chest, and the world was a joyous place.

However, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed: the great Indian batsman is just that - Indian.

Sure, there have been other foreign recipients before him, but that's not quite the point.

Let's have a brief look at the OAM criteria sheet, shall we?

According to its website, the medal is awarded in "recognition for outstanding achievement and service".

No one can deny Sachin's achievement. But service? To Australia?

Don't get me wrong: the great man is a more than lovable character. A mere glimpse of his innocent smile is enough to tell you that.

But my only memories of the little master's "service" to Australia involve him hitting almost every Australian bowler to almost every Australian corner of almost every Australian sporting ground, save perhaps Salter Oval.

We'll all be familiar with interschool sport. Let's face it, those Friday afternoons are what got most of Generation Y through primary school.

I loved the sunshine on the lush, green turf. I loved the sound of willow cracking into leather as the little red pill was dispatched to the boundary. And certainly not least of all, I loved the fact I'd lied through my teeth to get onto the paddock in the first place.

"Yes, Sir. I promise I've done my homework." Pfft …

However, there was one thing I didn't "love" about these Friday afternoon cricket matches: losing.

Ask anyone who has ever so much as shared a ping pong table with me: I'm a competitive guy.

Unfortunately, "competitiveness" and "lack of talent" - another area in which I seem to be abundant - seldom marry happily.

Still, it can't be disputed that whenever I saw an opposition batsman reach double figures or an opposition bowler get away with a dot ball, my blood began to bubble something chronic.

No one - I mean no one - got away with doing that to my beloved Sharon School XI.

Come to that, our cricketing combatants would be hard-pressed leaving our fine school's gates with a leftover "Student of the Week" certificate, let alone an Order of Sharon Medal (OSM).

Which brings me back to Sachin: you know, the guy who has recently been recognised for outstanding achievement and service…to Australia?

Sachin Tendulkar seems like a lovely guy. At least, I'm sure he is.

That in mind, don't you think Steve Waugh would feel a little silly being handed an OIM?

That's all from me, though. I'm off to wash the dishes.

Someone, please nominate me.

Originally published as PM bowls a googly