Edwina Bartholomew: Sending your kids to daycare doesn’t make you a bad mum

I hate the term “self-care” but as I consider sending my daughter to daycare I realise it’s necessary, says Edwina Bartholomew.

To daycare or not to daycare? That is my current dilemma.

Because of my weird working hours, we have a nanny who comes to our house in the morning. It costs us the same as a day of childcare and makes the mornings run seamlessly.

To be honest, she is a much better cook, better housekeeper and generally better organised than I am. It’s lucky she is happily married because she would probably make a better wife too!

However, the time has come to send my daughter to daycare. It’s a decision I want to make for her and also for me, and I feel incredibly selfish about it.

Mostly I want her to spend more time with other little kids, paint the pictures, play on all the equipment, pick up all the requisite germs and continue to develop her own little identity.

I would be lying if I didn’t also want a little bit more time to myself. I lead an incredibly privileged life, still have a job, still go to work, I even get my haircut in lockdown (shock, horror, feel free to hate me for that), but the minute I get home I switch from full-time work to full-time Mum.

Edwina Bartholomew with her daughter Molly. Picture: Richard Dobson

I know I am preaching to the choir here because this is an issue every mother I know is grappling with. It came to a head at our house recently when I started an unnecessary fight with my husband.

Have you ever done that? Got half way through your argument and realised it actually has nothing to do with your partner and in fact it’s all about you.

You quickly realise you just need a long nap, some time out, a walk, a chance to read a book or listen to podcast without thinking about who is cooking the nuggets for dinner.

I hate the term “self-care” but I’m starting to realise it’s a commonly used catch cry among exhausted mums for a reason. It is necessary.

So back to the childcare dilemma. Does it make me a bad mother if I send my daughter to daycare for my benefit, as well as hers?

With number two on the way and our small person about to turn two before Christmas, it would be nice to come up for air before we plunge back into the newborn bubble.

I know I’ll be the mum standing at the gate with tears in my eyes but I’ll also be the mum going for a swim by myself, having lunch by myself, picking up the book I put down two years ago. Heaven. Now, to get on the wait list …

Originally published as Edwina Bartholomew: Sending your kids to daycare doesn’t make you a bad mum