Frances Whiting on what motherhood is really like

Motherhood. What a funny, chaotic, exhausting and hilarious place to live or visit. Just ask Frances Whiting.

Motherhood can be funny, chaotic, exhausting and hilarious, according to Frances Whiting. Picture: File photo/iStock

Mother's Day is Sunday, and it’s a complicated business, isn’t it?

For some of us, it’s a day of joy and celebration; breakfast in bed with handmade cards, lukewarm tea, burnt toast and kids curled around us like question marks.

But for others, it’s a sadder day; a time to remember our own mothers, or a sharp reminder that we are yet to hold our own child in our arms.

So today, I’d like to acknowledge all of us – the mums, the long-to-be-mums and the miss-our-mums – and everyone in between.

I’d also like to share that recently I was asked by an expectant mum what motherhood is really like, and I told her the truth.

That when it boils down to it, being a mother is mostly asking people if they are too hot or too cold, if they have had something to eat, and if they should take a jacket with them.

It is also giving one piece of advice over and over, no matter what the problem or dilemma is, and that piece of advice is “just be yourself”.

Later when your children are older, it is mostly telling them how much better the music was when you were young and not telling them about how you used to get drunk in a field with your mates.

Frances Whiting. Picture: David Kelly

I think the best part about being a mother – or a godmother – or someone who is a mother figure to a child (because there are all sorts of ways to do mothering) is the conversations you have with your kids. Here’s a smattering of my – and some friends’ – greatest hits.

• I had put my daughter, then about four, to bed after a long goodnight ritual involving a warm bath, several stories and lullabies.

I was congratulating myself about what an excellent mother I was, when her little voice piped up in the darkness. “Mummy…”

“Yes sweetheart?’’

“Sometimes I find you a little irritating.’’

• My son, then about eight years old, was lounging around on the couch and asked me to get him a glass of water.

I answered with the time honoured classic “What did your last slave die of?” and he looked me in the eye and answered, “She’s still alive”.

• When my daughter was about five, I found her staring at a photo of my husband John when we were first dating. He was in a rock band and had long, luxurious hair.

She looked up at me and said: “I didn’t know Dad used to be a girl”.

• My friend’s son, when he was about three years old, crawled into bed with his parents, looked at his father and said “You can get out now, I’m here to stay”.

• My friend agonised over how to tell her daughter that her horse had died.

She even rang the vet for advice, and he told her to take her to the paddock, and pat Dimples goodbye together.

My friend followed the instructions and as her daughter stroked the deceased Dimples, she looked up at her mother and said “Mum?”, “Yes darling?”, “Does this mean we can go to Movie World?”

Aah, motherhood, what a funny, chaotic, exhausting and hilarious place to live or visit.

Whatever Sunday looks like for you, I hope you have a good day, and yes, you should take a jacket.

Originally published as Frances Whiting on what motherhood is really like