My teen's bedroom is a health hazard but is it my duty of care to clean it?

"I am confident I will be arrested for child neglect after this story is published."

Look, I don't know what the legal definition of a 'health hazard' is but I do know my teen's bedroom is probably a fitting pictorial description.

Ok that's a slight/huge exaggeration, but I'm here to make a point on behalf of parents.

My son is 16. He's 182 cm tall. Pretty much self-sufficient (on my dime, of course - he's still a kid). Knows how to clean, budget, give me an insulin injection when I need it. 

He's also an expert on self-preservation; he knows that I'm a minimalist and can't abide sh*t everywhere, so all of the spaces in our home must make me happy at all times.

But... not his bedroom. He's put his foot down about 'his room'.

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I occasionally fantasize I'll be arrested

I accept that by many people's standards, a messy bed and desk in a teen's room is the norm. Some clothes on the floor, maybe, and pairs of shoes having a long-distance relationship from each other over a small pond of socks and random electrical risks. 

So you might think my standards are unreasonably high, especially considering my kid vacuums and dusts it regularly enough. He knows when he needs to... change his sheets. He also takes out his rubbish and dirty dishes every couple of days (dry retch - those things should never be anywhere).

Suffice it to say, I know how to pick my battles as a mum; but it's my inner battles that drive me to the brink of insanity. I used to love going in there to hang out - but it's not relaxing for me at all anymore.

Of course, he's grown up and wants control of his own space. I get that - and I also know it's 'good enough'. I'll concede that it's likely that my deep fear of being arrested for child neglect will never transpire...

But I'll also admit that there are times I've wondered: is it actually my duty of care to nag him about his bedroom, or even worse - clean it myself?

Am I expected BY LAW to provide him with a safe and healthy environment, even though he's an adult-like-almost-17-year-old who is making his own bed (or not)?

To me this is chaotic. Image: supplied

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Am I breaching a duty of care not cleaning my teen's room?

Then this week I saw a post where a mum asked if she is responsible for the mess her 10-year-old repeatedly makes in his room? I couldn't believe it - other parents were worrying about the same thing!

But as it sadly turns out, her situation is much more serious.

"He will not keep his room clean ever," she writes in her post. "Under any circumstances. There is rotting food, bugs, clothes everywhere. His room makes me feel physically ill to walk into."

Was this post a sign from the universe that I should consider myself lucky with my son's room? Yes - but it also made my heart break for the woman. Parenting is hard enough as it is without the kids making it bloody harder.

She adds in her post: "Unfortunately he also isn't embarrassed and invited a friend over who in turn told her parents - who then reported it to CPS."

The exhausted and frustrated woman finally says: "Last week I had a social worker ask to look around. She saw my daughter's room and told me it was a hazard to her health and it needs to be cleaned. I tried explaining but all she said was it is my 'duty of care'.

"I cleaned it immediately after. Within a week it was full of shit again. I had to call in sick at work to clean it again."

What this story reminded me is that if you feel like your teen's room is a reflection of your parenting, take comfort from the fact that the dilemma is one faced by many. You are not alone!

There are extremes of course, like this woman's story... but my general advice is you could do what I do: deem it 'good enough' and close the door.

Originally published as My teen's bedroom is a health hazard but is it my duty of care to clean it?