'My husband's job gave him a single day of paternity leave'

"It was as if his only role was to support; not to navigate his own emotional and mental upheaval."

I haven’t been a parent for very long, but since welcoming my beautiful son in 2023 I can easily list all the things I suddenly got.

Sleep deprivation.

Newborn snuggles.

And, of course, the universal hope that one day, I might sleep through the night again. 

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Men should have their own appointments

It’s no secret that gaps exist in postpartum care for mothers - I was one of the lucky ones, able to lean on my partner, my family, my friends, and my GP.  

But while we at least have some dedicated check-ups, advice, and conversations about our wellbeing, I can't say the same thing for my husband. 

Not to be all,"what about the men?", but his life was turned just as topsy turvy as mine when our son was born.

Sure a quick Google search of ‘postpartum care for men’ will bring up Panda and other valuable websites, but there’s space to better publicise it in doctors offices. 

It often seems when support for dads does come up, it’s in spaces that should stay reserved for mothers. 

Take the six-week check-up, for example.

Just ask Shelley, a mum of two, who I recently to for another article about her postpartum appointment experience. 

“Whilst I got one question asking how I was going, the remainder of the appointment was spent with the doctor asking me which birth control I wanted,” she told me. 

The doctor was more concerned about her husband's stress, while actively causing Shelley stress. 

“It was completely inappropriate, basically telling me I need to 'service my husband' and get back to our sexual relationship soon to help relieve his stress," she said.

She proposed that men should have their own postpartum appointments.

And she’s right. 

Image: Supplied

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Who was there for him?

The thought stuck with me, so I asked my husband about it the other night over dinner.

“Do you think you got enough support after I had Oakley?” I asked.

“From you, family, and friends? Yes,” he said.

That wasn’t what I meant.

“No, I mean from professionals. Doctors, the community nurse, the hospital before we were discharged with a newborn. I was handed so many flyers about postpartum depression, but you got nothing.”

He thought for a moment.

“I don’t remember being given any resources. I could have used more support. I was only asked briefly how I was handling it while we were still in the hospital,” he admitted.

My husband was an absolute saint throughout my journey; pregnancy right through to our current toddlerhood experiences. He got up with me for every night feed so I wouldn’t feel alone.

He took my panicked calls at work when I couldn’t get our baby to settle.

He was my rock. But who was there for him?  

I did my best, but sometimes I fear I may have fallen short because of my own mental health struggles. 

Image: Supplied

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He deserved so much more than nothing

I keep thinking back to those early visits to the doctor and community nurse. No doctor ever discussed available resources that I could pass onto my husband - even when he sat in their office beside me.  

He watched me fill out mental health screening tests—yet he was never once handed one for himself.

Never once was he asked to book in a check-up for his own wellbeing. Never once given a flyer on what to do if he struggled.

He deserved so much more than nothing.

Every day, he walked out the door to provide for our family so that I could stay home and care for our baby.

He missed milestones, priceless newborn smiles, tiny irreplaceable cuddles.

His employer—within a male-dominated industry—entitled him to just one day of parental leave.

Yep. ONE DAY!  

He didn't even take it because our son was born on a public holiday. The rest of his leave was made up with annual leave and government leave.

It was as if his only role was to support—not to navigate his own emotional and mental upheaval.

And that’s a problem.

Mentally strong dads help to build strong mums.

A mum’s support network is her strongest tool—and often, it’s dads who lead that charge.

So where’s their support?

Dads need to be offered designated doctor’s appointments, screenings for anxiety and depression, and a space to voice their struggles—without stigma, without judgment.

Yet, in the early months of parenthood, the expectation is clear: men are just supposed to get on with it.

Of course, as their partners, we can suggest they seek help—and we do—but when your whole life becomes wake windows, breastfeeds, and tummy time, it’s easy to lose sight of anyone who isn’t that newborn.

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That’s not to say we don’t care. 

It’s why, as mothers, we’re reminded at these appointments to check in on ourselves. 

Because we forget us.

So why aren’t those reminders offered even once to Dad?

More needs to be done to support women in the postpartum period—but men shouldn’t be left to struggle in silence either.

Originally published as 'My husband's job gave him a single day of paternity leave'