'My daughter is picking up bad habits from your child'

"I try to explain to my girl that we can't forget our manners just because someone else doesn't have any."

Full confession: my daughter is not perfect.

There are any number things that she would do well to work on - such as sharing, eating the food that's put in front of her, and doing her homework ... on time.

That said, there are also plenty of qualities she exhibits that I'm immensely proud of (and I won't shy away from letting everyone and sundry know, either). One of them is her manners. Well, if I'm being completely honest, they are currently a work-in-progress - but she's come so far and taken on board so much that I can't help but be proud.

But recently I 've noticed her manners are starting to slip. It's especially evident after she's been around one particular friend. Let's call her Amelia*.

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"My daughter follows her lead"

Now, my daughter and Amelia haven't been friends for that long but they're already thick as thieves. They sit and talk in whispered giggles while playing with Barbies before running outside to kick up a ruckus. The problem is Amelia is rude and it’s starting to rub off on my daughter.

There is never a 'please' or a thank you' and everything I say is either ignored or disobeyed or both. I will, where appropriate, gently encourage her p's and q's but even that is met with indifference. The last time she came over I stopped the gently-gently approach and refused to give her a chocolate the girls were sharing until she grumbled, 'thank you' before walking off with the candy.

My daughter then follows her lead, becoming surly and brusque. All those years of teaching her manners seem to disappear in a heartbeat. After her friend leaves, I try to explain to my daughter that we can’t forget our manners just because someone else doesn’t have any. She smiles and nods, but she’s only young and the allure of following the pack is still strong.

Given all that, I now found myself at the crossroads. Do I continue trying, in vain, to teach this girl manners when she plays with my daughter? Do I gently encourage my daughter to move on from the friendship? Or do I talk to her mother?

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"How would I even start?"

If I did talk to her mother, what would I say? I mean, I hate confrontation at the best of times, and this would be turbo charged. How would you even start the conversation?

“Your child is rude.”

“Have you considered teaching her some manners?”

“My daughter is picking up bad habits from your child.”

There really is no easy way to broach the topic. Lord knows, I’m not going to break up a friendship so that option is also out of the question.

That said, I guess my only recourse now is to keep teaching my daughter manners in the hope that they will stick. That perhaps as she grows up, she too will be able to tell the difference and realise that being rude doesn’t get you anywhere fast.

Plus, it’s mighty good training for not only her, but me in navigating the ongoing influential friendships she’s going to have in her life.

Originally published as 'My daughter is picking up bad habits from your child'