My 12-year-old daughter asked me to buy her shapewear

"She struggles with body image issues and has been through therapy and made great progress with her self-esteem... I respect her clothing choices but I honestly don't know on this one."

Teens struggling with body image issues is increasing, so a mum has asked should she allow her daughter to wear shapewear? 

Advice Needed

My 12-year-old daughter struggles with body image issues. She's been through therapy and has made great progress with her self-esteem. She has since stopped seeing said therapist. She came to me this week and asked about me buying her shapewear. I had bought some but then didn't wear it for a recent wedding and I know that's what gave her the idea... I explained the reason I didn't wear them, they were awfully uncomfortable for me, and it's better to be comfortable than concerned with smoothing out the curves. I respect her clothing choices and I'm a less restrictive parent. She wears crop tops with high rise jeans which is common for her peers also. But I honestly don't know on this one... Any advice??

Have an anonymous question you desperately need answered? Submit a question to our Advice Needed column.

Jordana's Advice 

I feel for you - this is a really hard stage and age. Teenage girls can be so affected when it comes to body image.  You are doing the right thing by being honest about your experience with shapewear, and avoiding saying general-isms like "I'm an adult so I can." It's important to validate her feelings and not dismiss them. 

She needs to understand that self-talk is how she will help feel better about herself, rather than altering what she sees. 

Shapewear isn't designed for young bodies. There are many specialists and doctors who have spoken out against teenagers wearing shapewear, including US neurologist and medical advisor Dr. Orly Avitzur, who told ABC News that "shapewear can squeeze the body too much, and it can pinch nerves and put a lot of pressure on internal organs. This is concerning in adults, but especially in teens who have bodies that are still trying to develop and grow."

A teenager asks her mother to buy her shapewear. Source: iStock

RELATED: My 11yo daughter has started calling herself fat

Even shapewear companies themselves recommend their products are worn by those who are past puberty. It gives the body a chance to grow naturally.

So my advice is, even if your daughter only wants to wear it sparingly, you can tell her while her body is still growing shapewear is not appropriate. However, after that, if she still wants to wear shapewear, you will support her. 

Given she was making progress in therapy, it might be good to suggest to go back, especially while she is asking for shapewear.  It might be a topic to bring up with her therapist, as they might have a way forward that avoids conflict but also helps address any body image concerns and boost your daughter's confidence. 

MORE FROM ADVICE NEEDED: My 9yo granddaughter was sent home from a birthday party

If she's open to talking to you about it, that's great too. Encourage it. Ask her what she wants to "see" when wearing the shapewear. It might help her realise that shapewear isn't the answer. Be mindful of what you are saying about your body, as well as subtly checking in on what she's viewing online as well. The saturation from social media really has a crippling impact on teens.   

RELATED: My 7 year-old thinks she's fat

At the end of the day, it's your job to keep her safe, and for now maybe shapewear isn't for her. But keep the dialogue open, don't say it's a hard no, just a 'not for now' scenario. Down the road, if she wants to try shapewear let her, she will likely come to the same realisation that you did, it's not comfortable! 

Originally published as My 12-year-old daughter asked me to buy her shapewear