Man asks for SIL's baby gift back after she ended her pregnancy

While some slammed him for being "callous", another claimed, "Keeping the gifts is immoral. You don’t keep an engagement ring after it ends." Please note: sensitive content

Navigating the appropriate response when someone shares that they've ended a pregnancy is challenging. However, one man's approach on Reddit definitely isn't the way to go. 

He's stirred up quite a reaction online after admitting he asked his sister-in-law (SIL) to return the expensive baby gifts he and his wife gave her, following her decision to terminate her pregnancy.

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"This is holding our money hostage"

He begins his post by explaining how this pregnancy came after years of effort, and both mum and child were healthy.

However, the SIL chose to terminate the pregnancy after a major argument with her boyfriend, who then left her. 

At this point, the SIL had already shared a wishlist of things she needed for the baby and the OP and his wife had bought a crib ($1200) and some baby clothes ($200).

Despite having no judgements about his SIL's reasonings for ending the pregnancy, he did request the gifts back.

"We told her to return the baby items to us and she refused, saying she'll use them one day," he recalled. "Sure, but we can just get it back for you then. This is holding our money hostage. She still refused, so we asked to be reimbursed, which she also refused."

So then he tried to work out a compromise and told the SIL that these gifts would be counted as her birthday and Christmas gifts - something that didn't go down well either. 

"Knowing we're now dealing with a brat, we let it be and aren't associating with her for now," he said.

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"Maybe having the gifts gives her hope"

In the comments, many people told the OP he was being pretty callous about the whole thing. 

"She’s grieving," one person said. "She terminated a pregnancy she thought she wanted, because the man she thought she wanted left, and now everything she thought she was and was going to be is gone. Whether you see her suffering or not, that all sucks and is painful. I get that you feel your money was wasted, but maybe having [the gifts] gives her hope that one day her life won’t be this hot mess of emptiness she’s got right now. Just let it go."

Another person weighed in, agreeing, "Her boyfriend, the baby's father, left her while pregnant. The break up is one thing but is it possible she did want the baby but didn't want to be a single mom, couldn't afford to be etc. and the baby stuff is her way of holding on to the idea? Be more compassionate to her."

"Instead of supporting the sister through two really big losses, they’re being classy AF by demanding the return of baby gifts and hounding her for them," another person sarcastically replied. "I feel OP is an unreliable narrator or not privy to what went down. They’re compounding her grief by being ravening wombles."

However, a few people thought he was justified, with one saying, "Keeping the gifts is immoral. You don’t keep an engagement ring after it ends. You don’t keep all the wedding gifts if you call off the wedding..."

Then this person reasoned, "If it was a miscarriage, then no, she keeps the gifts. However, this was not a miscarriage, this was a willing termination because the guy left. I don't give a [expletive] about downvotes or what the Reddit hivemind thinks, I think you are eligible for a refund of all that stuff honestly."

Originally published as Man asks for SIL's baby gift back after she ended her pregnancy