It’s only a ‘mixed-weight’ romance if the woman is larger than the man

COMMENT: Why is it normalised (even celebrated) when a plus-size guy gets with a thin woman, but it’s a total scandal to see the roles reversed?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve likely seen the scandal surrounding the recently released season of Bridgerton.

What scandal could this be? Costumes too stunning? Sex scenes too steamy? 

No. It’s the mind-boggling concept of a plus-size woman being in a relationship with a skinny guy. And it’s got my blood boiling. 

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Penelope and Colin's steamy romance has caused a stir online. Picture: Netflix

Why are we so obsessed with a “mixed-weight” on-screen romance?

Now, before we go any further, I have a confession to make, dearest readers … I have never seen a single episode of Bridgerton. I know; I’m sorry; I promise to do better. 

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen the recent hubbub about the relationship between Penelope Featherington (played by the incredible Nicola Coughlan) and Colin Bridgerton (portrayed by Luke Newton).

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If you’re like me and haven’t watched a single episode of the scintillating and steamy series, let me clue you in on the so-called scandal. 

See, there has been relentless dialogue surrounding Penelope’s relationship with her beau Colin. From what I’ve seen, it’s a pretty sexy pairing, with viewers hanging on the edge of their seats as the couple’s love blossoms. 

But there’s also been a bit of backlash regarding the on-screen romance. Specifically, because actress Nicola is a plus-size woman who is in a relationship with a hot, skinny dude. 

Quick! Fetch my smelling salts; I’m feeling faint just at the thought of it!

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Now, despite my (hopefully) obvious sarcasm, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with a plus-size woman getting hot and heavy with a slender dude. 

But apparently, there was a LOT wrong with it. At the end of May, The Spectator published an essay describing actress Nicola Coughlan as being “not hot”, which quickly went viral online. 

While the author commended the Irish beauty for having an “expressive face”, she then rescinded all kind words by saying the actress could not possibly be classified as hot. 

“There is no escaping it, as I was reminded recently when she graced Harper’s Bazaar’s cover in a fabulous outfit that still did not change her not-hotness,” the article read. 

Why? Because she’s plus-sized, duh. But also, you're joking, right?

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The backlash has been gross. Picture: Netflix

“Are we still not ready for a mixed-weight romance on screen?”

Naturally, the essay faced backlash, and very rightly so, sparking other opinion pieces (not unlike myself) to share their insights into the editorial. However, it was one article from Forbes about Nicola’s on-screen romance that really got my blood boiling. 

“Are we still not ready for a mixed-weight romance on screen?” the headline read. Huh? 

As far as I know, having a so-called “mixed-weight” relationship is nothing new. I grew up in the late ‘90s and early ‘00s and was totally lambasted with “mixed-weight” romances on the screen. 

One of the most egregious examples I can think of is The King of Queens, which featured Kevin James, who is a big guy, and his gorgeous (and importantly, thin) on-screen wife, Leah Remini. 

Other famous examples are cartoons like Family Guy, The Simpsons, and The Flintstones, which all feature the same trope. It doesn’t end with animated series, either. TV shows like According to Jim, Modern Family and Parks and Recreation all feature a larger husband and skinny wife. And don't even get me started on George Costanza from Seinfeld - all of his girlfriends are borderline supermodels. I could go on, but luckily, there’s a list that has recorded all of these instances for us. 

But there’s something very important to note here: These plus-sized characters are ALL men, notably with slim, sexy wives. (There’s really only one show I can think of that had a plus-size husband and wife, Mike & Molly, which was an ultra-rare sight to see on your TV in the ‘00s.)

Notice how these on-screen romances haven’t been referred to as a “mixed-weight” relationship, like, ever. But as soon as there’s a heavier woman in the picture, the internet goes into overdrive.

And sure, the male characters can be as sweet as pie, romantic and dote on their wife’s every move, but they don’t have to restrict themselves to the rigid beauty standards that women are expected to fit into. Husbands can look however they want, wear what they please, gain or lose weight over the years, whatever. After all, they're human; we change.

But not women; on TV, wives must remain hot and sexy at all times. If they don’t, they’ve “let themselves go”. (They’re also expected to “bounce back” after having children, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish.) 

After all, women who don’t fit into the traditional and binding beauty standards have been famously pigeonholed into comic relief roles or allocated as the “fat friend” in film and TV.

But the thought of her being in a relationship and not using her weight as a punchline is something we rarely see. And when we do see it, there’s some sort of criticism or nasty comment to it. 

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It's time we saw more "mixed-weight" relationships on screen, with plus-size women in the driver's seat. Picture: Netflix

The real issue here

Why is this? Well, dearest reader, I believe it’s simply because society has conditioned women to think that they are only of value if they are skinny and classically “hot”. 

Why is it totally fine (and sometimes celebrated) when a large guy gets with a thin woman, but it’s a total scandal to see the roles reversed? This rhetoric is so ingrained in our society that we’re conditioned to think this is the way it’s supposed to be; it’s sexist, archaic, and so tired.

By perpetuating these nasty stereotypes about women and tying their value as people exclusively to their weight, what on earth are we teaching our children? That they’re only worthy of love if they’re skinny and hot according to archaic beauty standards? 

Bugger off. 

This mindset is seriously harmful to the youth and can cause irreversible damage. 

In late May, the Butterfly Foundation released a report revealing that 57 per cent of young Aussies were “dissatisfied with how their body looks”, an 11 per cent increase from their 2022 report. 

More than half of Australian youth think negatively about their bodies, with 78 per cent of “young people [wishing] they were thinner or leaner”. 

And just how are we helping the kids of today overcome this?

Certainly not by perpetuating harmful stereotypes about “mixed-weight” relationships between a plus-sized woman and a thinner guy, that’s for sure. 

So, dearest reader, yes, we are “ready” to see a ‘“mixed-weight” romance on screen.

Give me more of it; show us real relationships with plus-size women who love their bodies and know they’re worthy of love, praise and sex scenes so steamy they break the set.

Originally published as It’s only a ‘mixed-weight’ romance if the woman is larger than the man