Breastfeeding destroyed my sex drive and I wasn't sad when it ended

"I struggled with making the switch from feeding a baby to being ready for some sexy time."

When I started to breastfeed my son, I thought it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. 

The idea that my body could produce this magical elixir that provided all the nutrients he needed and help protect him against long-term illness and disease, as well as sicknesses like ear infections, blew my mind.

Admittedly, it was a bit of an adjustment to start off with. I remember the midwife squeezing one of my nipples in the hospital soon after birth and seeing those first few drops of colostrum come out.

What was this brave new world of motherhood I was entering?

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"Changed my sex drive the third time around"

Once I got past the sore, cracked nipples (Lansinoh became my best friend) and got the hang of it, I grew to love breastfeeding.

I loved the quiet moments together, feeding him in the dark while the rest of the world slept. 

I’ve always been a spontaneous soul, so having the freedom to feed him whenever, wherever, also really suited me. I never bothered pumping. I’d just feed my son on the go.

I ended up breastfeeding for eight months, then for the same amount of time when our daughter was born.

When I had baby number three, I found that I still enjoyed breastfeeding the third time round, but it really seemed to affect my sex drive. 

Hormonal changes no doubt played a role – when you’re breastfeeding, your oestrogen levels drop, and that can diminish your libido. This, combined with being an exhausted busy mum of three, meant I didn’t have much energy left for my husband in the bedroom.

Image: Melissa Noble

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"I struggled with making the switch"

Every time my husband would initiate intimacy, I just didn't feel like it. I struggled with making the switch from feeding a baby to being ready for some sexy time.

He was very supportive and understanding, but as the months rolled on, it really started to bother me. I’d say to my girlfriends, “what’s wrong with me?”, and they’d reassure me that the dry spell would pass.

When our little girl turned one, my mum suggested I consider putting her on the bottle. She could see the dark circles under my eyes and said maybe the baby would sleep better on formula. I think by that point my milk was drying up anyway.

Pretty much the first time I gave her formula, our daughter slept through the night. I couldn’t believe it. I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in forever.

As I gradually cut down the feeds, I thought I might mourn my breastfeeding days. She was our last child, after all, and I would never experience the magic of breastfeeding again.

But if I’m honest, I actually didn't feel sad about it at all. I was ready to have my body back for myself. It had been eight years, on and off, of being pregnant or breastfeeding. It was time.

I threw out my maternity bras and offloaded my maternity shirts at the local op shop. Again, there was no sadness about saying goodbye to that chapter of my life. It was time to write the next one.

Since I stopped breastfeeding six months ago, my libido has returned to the way it was, much to my relief. I’m back in business, baby, and I couldn’t be happier (nor could my husband).

Originally published as Breastfeeding destroyed my sex drive and I wasn't sad when it ended