Jana Hocking on how to turn a ‘situationship’ to a relationship

Podcaster Jana Hocking has found herself in a situation with a man that no woman wants to be in – and there’s only one cringey way out of it.

Now, I don’t know about you, but during lockdown I found myself scrambling to find a bubble buddy who could keep me warm on those cold lonely nights. What it left in its post-Covid wake though, is a “situationship.”

As in, not quite a relationship but certainly more than a one-night stand.

As comes with many situationships, I ended up catching the feels. Sigh … so predictable.

The problem with this dating dilemma is that it’s left me in a constant state of ‘WTF?’ and truth be told I’m frazzled!

So I decided to seek guidance from someone who could help sort it out and once and for all answer the question … is it ever possible to turn a situationship into a proper relationship?

I invited a relationship expert by the name of Megan Luscombe onto my Kinda Sorta Dating podcast and she shared a lot of good advice and a few tips and tricks for those of us stuck in this hot mess of a situation.

Jana Hocking found herself in a ‘situationship’ since lockdown. Picture: Instagram.

Now the good news is yes, yes you can turn a situationship into a relationship (huzzah!) The bad news is, to get there you are going to have to take a big running leap out of your comfort zone. Oh boo … why do good things always come with a disclaimer.

Now there are some lucky people who were born with the skill of being able to easily communicate their thoughts and feelings. Well, hurrah for them!

But based on the constant text-dissections going on between friends in my WhatsApp groups, many of us would rather just try and guess what the other person in our situationship is thinking rather than ask them.

“He hasn’t text me back and it’s been eight hours. What do you think it means??” we frantically type to our besties rather then just go straight to the source and ask.

I believe that the reason for this is years of being told to “play it cool” when you first start dating. Make them chase you. Don’t seem too eager.

What that advice has left in its wake, however, is years of therapy sessions, and famous TED talks, trying to undo that nonsense thought pattern, and learning how to be vulnerable and open and honest about how we are feeling.

Eek, it makes me break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it!

The wise and wonderful Megan advised me to muster up the courage and just have the conversation. Yes it’s scary when you’re worried about getting your feelings hurt, but the longer you put it off, the longer you feel confused and miserable.

Simply by having a quick informal chat and casually mentioning to your ‘person’ that you quite fancy them and are interested in taking things to the next level, you open the doors to a very happy relationship.

Jana isn’t one for deep and meaningfuls early in a relationship. Picture: Instagram.

If it turns out that they aren’t interested in a relationship, well then at least you know, and can decide if you want to keep plodding along this highway of heartbreak, or move on with your life and find someone who does.

Now, sure that all sounds simple, but as we all know, it can be really hard to muster up that courage to have a ‘what are we’ conversation.

The good news is, I’ve worked out a way to hack the system! It’s a technique used by many men when they want to have a serious chat but feel anxious about doing it face-to-face. The ol’ eye contact can really make a person clam up.

So try a method I’ve used before … I suggested a drive and casually brought it up when we were in the car having a LOL about something ridiculous.

The moment felt right because we were genuinely enjoying each other’s company, and it didn’t involve me doing anything too serious like sending a text beforehand saying, “Hey, when you come over we need to have a talk.”

That sends a shudder up any grown man’s spine.

We weren’t sitting opposite each other but looking outside the window and allowing the conversation to flow. It’s far less intimidating and opens up a convo that feels casual yet honest.

Other possible ways to do this is by going for a walk in the park, once again you are not directly facing each other and there’s something about nature that really Zens us out. Or another alternative is to do it over the phone.

You’re not anxiously trying to read each other’s body language and you can sit in a comfy spot that feels warm and nurturing. Oh, and if you really want to get the wording right, you can keep a sneaky note by the phone.

So come on singletons it’s time for us to stop sending our friends screen shots of our beloved’s text messages trying to guess what they really mean and muster up the courage to just ask! Sounds so simple when you think about it.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

Originally published as Jana Hocking on how to turn a ‘situationship’ to a relationship