Sexologist Wala Truscott’s warning for couples over modern ‘junk food sex’ trend

After 20 years together Catherine and Gordon were in a sexless marriage and ready to split – before they made one “last-ditch” effort.

After 18 months with no intimacy, Catherine’s 20-year marriage was crumbling with neglect.

The 54-year-old was full of “resentment and hurt” about the lack of sex with her husband, Gordon, and ready to walk away.

But a “last-ditch” appointment with an Adelaide sexologist lit an instant spark for the middle-aged lovers, who fell “more in love … than we were when we got married”.

“We hadn’t had sex for 18 months and there was a lot of resentment and hurt and miscommunication. We were ready to split,” says 54-year-old Catherine, who was initially nervous about the couple’s appointment with intimacy coach Wala Truscott.

“But after one session, we went home and had sex that night. She saved our marriage.”

Middle-aged couple Catherine and Gordon were ready to split before their “last-ditch” appointment with an intimacy coach. Picture: File / Supplied

In a bid to save his withering marriage, Gordon had reached out to Ms Truscott, who runs workshops and individual sessions for people looking to improve their sex lives and deepen their physical connections.

Halfway through their first intensive four-hour session, which encouraged them to rethink their roles and behaviour and challenge how they shared their wants and desires, Catherine “started to have hope” for her relationship with her 62-year-old husband and father of her two adult children.

“By the end, we both realised that we were still in love and that there was still love in our marriage,” she says.

“It’s just incredible how Wala turned things around and changed our thinking. She saved our marriage.”

Intimacy coach Wala Truscott. Picture: Ben Clark

Ms Truscott says modern lovers are gorging on the “junk food” of “swipe-right” sex.

The 48-year-old says the instant gratification of the “swipe culture” – where people prefer to find a new lover by scrolling through dating apps rather than work through problems – is stopping people from committing to more “nourishing” relationships.

“People’s expectations are actually unrealistic. We get our expectations from the movies, the media, the highlight reel of life and that’s not sustainable,” she said.

“Formations of relationships have changed, now we have ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open – they’re definitely on the rise. Monogamous relationships are now out of fashion.”

But Ms Truscott says loving, respectful relationships – whether they are monogamous or open – are worth the effort.

“As soon as it gets a little bit difficult, people don’t walk towards the discomfort, they swipe right and get the next one in. We don’t have the skills to fix anything anymore,” she says.

“Junk food sex is what’s become normal, hook-up culture and stuff. You can’t live on junk food for the rest of your life and think you’re going to be nourished.

“And I’m not poo-pooing on people’s choices of their sexuality.

“But you can have sex and feel very nourished, seen, satisfied, fulfilled and connected and you can have sex and you feel really empty and alone and used and wish you didn’t do it.

“The actual physical act is the same, why does one make you feel one way and the other doesn’t?”

Ms Truscott says the logistics, comfort and predictability that make for a good relationship – “kids, have we got Alfoil and what’s for dinner” – are passion killers in the bedroom.

“Passion requires an even mix of playfulness and fun and figuring out if you’ve fed the dog is not fun,” says Ms Truscott, who also conducts sessions online.

“Everyone talks about communication but no one talks about erotic friction and sexual tension.

“If people want to add more flavour and they don’t know how, they’re stuck on rinse and repeat, I can help.

“I help them to have better connections and conversations.

“I work with people who love each other and they want it to last and their relationships to stay healthy.”

Originally published as Sexologist Wala Truscott’s warning for couples over modern ‘junk food sex’ trend