James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 25: MAFS experts step in over husband’s sex fail

A MAFS husband’s choices in the bedroom are exposed as the experts perform a peculiar intervention in order to save his wife. James Weir recaps.

The Married At First Sight experts step in at Sunday’s commitment ceremony and expose one husband for not performing oral sex on his wife, marking the franchise’s very first cunniling-tervention.

Meanwhile, the rest of the freaks desperately fight the damaging allegations they’re nothing but “drunk bogans”.

Not even Sue Chrysanthou SC could win that case for ‘em.

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The fallout continues from the Byron Bay getaway, where Lauren dubbed her fellow contestants “drunk bogans”, “trolls” and “wild animals” – insults which caused Jamie to wage war only to be left alone in the battlefield by the co-stars she thought were her allies.

At tonight’s commitment ceremony, Lauren and Clint are the last to arrive. When they enter the warehouse, they’re heckled by the alleged drunk bogans.

Lauren does her best to ignore them with grace and poise.

“We should’ve brought some little zoo feeding pellets to keep them all quiet,” she antagonises her jeering co-stars.

The experts ask why Lauren thinks she’s better than the rest of the cast. It’s a valid point. The only people who are superior to these freaks are us viewers.

“Honestly, their behaviour in social settings is boganic,” she sighs.

Hold on right there, little lady. Since when did screaming at each other in a stranger’s backyard while clutching plastic cups of alcohol equate to being bogan?

“We’re Australian, embrace it!” Adrian mumbles.

Lauren and Clint: the picture of perfection. Picture: Channel 9.

MORE: Gross reality of MAFS revealed

Lauren flutters her eyelids, perturbed at being held captive in the presence of such filth.

“It is bogan behaviour,” she dismisses. “It’s classless. It’s boganic behaviour. Dealing with this absolute circus is mentally draining.”

Jamie, who’s still clearly bruised about being compared to a troll doll, doesn’t let Lauren off the hook.

“You’re so rude to all of us,” she says.

Lauren makes a polite request of her nemesis: “You’re embarrassing, please stop talking to me.”

The experts decide to pipe up with some obvious observations.

“Lauren, you’re throwing some words around tonight: psychos, animals. You talk as though you’re above them and they’re way below you. You think you’re better than them,” John Aiken notes.

Lauren says she’s simply demure and reserved, and these qualities are often misinterpreted as rudeness.

This prompts Mel Schilling to raise her hand.

“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta jump in,” she snaps.

We love when Mel’s pushed to the brink and rolls up her sleeves to slap someone down.

She decides to give Lauren the advice that most therapists wish they could give all their patients: you have a bad personality.

“There’s a clear difference between being shy and being rude and disrespectful,” Mel says. “I think you’re giving yourself a little too much credit here, personality wise.”

Lauren, determined to prove Mel wrong, holds up her decision card. It contains a heartfelt message for her dear co-stars: LEAVE…ING THE ZOO.

And with that, she waves goodbye to the caged monkeys and struts back out into the real world, where she hopes to find an alpha male who doesn’t do laundry or wash dishes and who doesn’t have BO but who also isn’t a bogan.

If she hung around for a moment longer, the MAFS freaks would’ve started hurling their faeces at her.

Bye girl xx Picture: Channel 9.

Next, Jamie is summoned to the couch. She knows she’s about to be reprimanded for her shouty behaviour at the dinner party, where she zoned in on her frenemies Carina and Rhi for not standing up for her in the fight with Lauren.

“Hello, I know I’m in trouble,” she tells the experts as she takes a seat. “I know how I conducted myself last night. I’m a mother bear with her cubs. I’m very protective of the people around me. I see bad behaviour and I call it out.”

This time, sexpert Alessandra decides to step in with the observation that Jamie’s personality is actually the problem.

“Mama bears don’t do that to their cubs,” she says. “They just don’t. So, the self-description of you being a mama bear as an excuse … it’s not flying.”

She says evil genius Lauren achieved her master plan of turning the group against each other.

Jamie nods.

“Now I’m feeling embarrassed … ashamed,” she says. “Because I couldn’t process the hurt in a healthy way, it came out in a nasty way towards others.”

As Batman says: “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend Dave zones out and starts dreaming of how easy and free of drama his life would be with me.

My boyfriend Dave is not impressed with the behaviour of my nemesis Jamie. Picture: Channel 9.

As always, tonight’s commitment ceremony is just a revolving door of people with zero self-awareness. Without further ado, please welcome Jacqui and Ryan.

“Ryan has started complimenting me on the thing that’s most important to me: my intellect,” Jacqui beams. “I feel like I never get seen by anyone because they just assume I’m a model and hot.”

Um … OK.

She brings up this week’s drama about Ryan not wanting to have sex before the gym because he’d rather save his testosterone.

Sexpert Alessandra decides to stage an intervention.

“I have a question … why were you not just pleasuring her?” she asks.

Ryan cocks his head and furrows his brow. “ … Sorry?”

Alessandra clarifies.

“In the morning, you wanted to maintain the testosterone in your body. You can totally do that … and still pleasure her …” she says, leaving Ryan to finish the thought.

He doesn’t follow.

“ … Um … sorry?” he replies.

Alessandra spells it out.

“You can still pleasure your partner … there’s no reason for her to be unsatisfied just because you haven’t been to the gym...” she says.

Before the cunniling-tervention can reach a resolution, Jacqui starts wildly sobbing.

“I feel like I’m just wading through an ocean with the current coming back at me,” she wails.

… Is this a euphemism?

We will be waiting outside your Trash Towers suite every morning at 6am and eavesdropping through the door to make sure this advice is adhered to. Picture: Channel 9.

By now, Ryan has no idea what anyone’s talking about.

“I’m confused …” he says.

Same.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Originally published as James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 25: MAFS experts step in over husband’s sex fail