James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 24 | ‘F**king stupidity’: MAFS fight shocks

An inane fight has spiralled out of control on MAFS. Prepare to lose brain cells. James Weir recaps.

Married At First Sight continues to be Australia’s version of prestige television on Wednesday night when a group of adult women argue over who is a better friend and who is a mean girl before everyone starts screaming “shut ya mouth!” at each other.

It’s the kind of nuanced dialogue you just won’t find in The White Lotus.

This is a broadcast event. Truly appointment viewing.

JAMES WEIR:Read all the recaps here

A new villain has entered the scene. My arch nemesis Jamie is quickly becoming everyone else’s enemy, after she attacked Lauren at the retreat for calling the other ladies “drunk bogans”.

(Does that last sentence mean absolutely nothing to you? How lucky you are.)

Rhi and Carina sided with Lauren and now they’re dead to Jamie.

“My friends didn’t support me at the retreat. I’m 100 per cent expecting an apology,” Jamie declares while en route to the dinner party.

By hook or by crook, she is getting her apology.

Meanwhile, Lauren and her beta-male husband Clint boycott the soirée. Their absence clears the agenda for Jamie to raise hell.

“I’m a tough bitch. it should be clear to all youse that I rally for my friends,” she tells everyone the moment they take a seat at the dining table.

“I called out Lauren’s behaviour. I heard she called me a troll, I heard she’d been talking shit. I addressed Lauren who has been nothing short of rude and her husband told me to ‘shut the f**k up’ multiple times.”

Actually, he said “sit the f**k down”, but continue …

“And everyone was silent,” she says. “And that completely broke me.”

Carina informs Jamie that the screaming and shouting and finger pointing didn’t exactly help her cause.

“Lauren was being ambushed! I don’t agree with the behaviour — it was like Mean Girls!” she says.

This only prompts Jamie to start screaming and finger-wagging again.

“Who are you calling a mean girl?!” she yells. “Don’t you call me a mean girl because I won’t f**king stand for it!”

You seem miffed, doll … Picture: Channel 9.

MORE: Gross reality of MAFS revealed

Carina winces.

“Can you tone it down a bit?” she begs.

But Jamie only cranks up the volume.

“I’m pissed off! I’m pissed off! It’s such an insult,” she says, before flinging her own insult. “You’re validating delusion! I can’t vibe with someone who has no logic! You’re speaking f**king stupidity, Carina!”

Annnd Channel 9 now has a new slogan for next year’s series. Married At First Sight: No logic, f**king stupidity. The marketing team can plaster it on bus shelters.

Suddenly, Awhina decides she’s also offended by Carina. She promptly inserts herself in the feud.

“You’re feelings are bullshit … you called me a mean girl!” she yells at Carina.

Carina shoots Awhina a puzzled look. “I didn’t call you a mean girl!”

Jamie continues to morph into Morena 2.0.

“Stop! Stop! Carina, shut ya mouth!” she booms.

Everyone in the room gasps.

We cut to the experts who are watching the moment unfold on CCTV from their lair. They start freaking out as they realise their experiments in the laboratory are malfunctioning.

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Picture: Channel 9.

“You were my friend!” Jamie yells.

“I was there for you!” Carina hits back.

“NO YOU WEREN’T!” Jamie screams.

Carina crosses her arms. “OK, then I won’t talk! I’ll sit back and watch The Jamie Show!”

“Tune in, babe! Because it’s a f**kin’ good show!” Jamie replies.

This comeback will go in the MAFS hall of fame alongside Cyclone Cyrell’s “king ding-a-ling” remark.

Prepare to binge watch me, babe. Picture: Channel 9.

It’s time for Veronica to step in. The conversation that follows is complex and layered.

Veronica: “Jamie! You were incredibly aggressive!”

Jamie: “Oh, shut up Veronica. Shut up. Shut ya mouth!”

Veronica: “You shut ya mouth!”

Jamie: “No! You shut your mouth!”

Jamie then decides to start calling people names, which, in an ironic twist, is exactly what she was railing against Lauren for doing.

“Veronica is a motherf**king idiot,” she fumes.

Neither lady bows down. Instead, both keep their mouths firmly open in protest.

Mouths closed, ladies! Picture: Channel 9.

While this intelligent interaction is going on, Carina springs to her feet and runs into the back hallway of the warehouse, where she’s stopped by a producer.

“I feel like I’m not smart enough,” she sobs. “I feel like I’m the dumb girl. I just wanna see the best in everyone. I just feel like I’m stupid.”

Nawww, Carina! That’s not true. Now shut ya mouth.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir