Why being a famous person in Australia today isn’t all glitz and glam

Australia has produced plenty of talented famous people, but there’s a wild reason why so many of them don’t live here anymore.

Australian celebs are having a hard time.

OPINION

Being a celebrity in Australia is a completely undignified experience.

If you manage to secure even a morsel of fame, you must pack your bags and head to America.

Most of our Australian celebrities are smart enough to flee as soon as they become famous.

They bang on in interviews about how much they miss their sunburnt country. But I know the truth – they’d rather give up their next Ozempic injection than be forced to endure fame Down Under.

Even Christian Wilkins has teased he might head to America, and can you imagine how difficult it would be to be an out-of-context nepotism baby?

He’d find himself in New York having to explain to Steven Spielberg’s grandson how his father is an entertainment reporter in Australia that goes by the nickname ‘Dickie’.

Christian Wilkins is a rising star in Australia. Picture: Supplied

Michael Clarke has learnt the reality of being famous Down Under. Source: Instagram

We aren’t a glitz and glamour nation – we are all that man that yelled at Scott Morrison to get off his lawn.

We are practical, good-humoured and get a bit intense about rugby.

But celebrities need glamour. It is the currency they thrive in.

We want to see Julia Roberts strolling down Rodeo Drive with her arms being weighed down by shopping bags from designer stores.

We see that image, and it makes us love that celebrity more.

They seem aspirational and fabulous.

If you are an Australian celebrity, you aren’t going to get that moment.

We don’t have the canvas for it.

What’s our version of Rodeo Drive? Maybe Oxford St in Sydney’s eastern suburbs, but if you were prancing around there, you’d probably get photographed passing the 7/11 or loitering outside the army barracks.

We don’t tend to capture our celebrities being affluent and gorgeous.

Instead, you’ll be Michael Clarke limping around a park at night and swearing on your daughter’s life that you didn’t sleep with an activewear designer.

Poor Russell should be living like a king. Picture: James D. Morgan/Getty Images

Or perhaps you’ll get the Russell Crowe treatment.

Even winning an Oscar couldn’t stop reports from swirling that Rusty and his girlfriend Britney Theriot allegedly got turned away from a swanky restaurant in Melbourne because he hadn’t been bothered to change out of his tennis-playing gear.

This wouldn’t happen in America, because they really care about celebrities there.

You wouldn’t see Justin Bieber sitting in the gutter outside a restaurant in New York because he got knocked back for attempting to pretend sweatpants are dinner wear again.

They accept celebrities as their zany, wacky-dressed selves.

No restaurant manager in Hollywood is looking at Lady Gaga shaking their head and saying “Sorry mate, no shoes, no service.”

We also don’t handle it well when American celebrities descend on us.

Rapper Post Malone came to Australia and got denied entry at QT Hotel’s fancy bar in Perth because he has face tattoos.

Malone then revealed to The West Australian that he’d “never experienced anything like that”.

Welcome to Australia mate.

Famous people aren’t even safe in their own homes in Australia.

Singer Guy Sebastian has found himself in a never-ending legal battle with his neighbour because Sebastian decided to build himself a giant grey celebrity mansion, and the neighbour hasn’t been happy since.

Again, this wouldn’t happen in America.

Guy just wants to be a famous singer, but is always in court disagreeing with his neighbour. Picture: Jeremy Piper

Nicole and Keith are national treasures. Picture: Richard Dobson

That country has created little gated communities for its celebrities to live in and build obnoxiously big houses on ridiculous blocks of land, leaving all the ordinary people alone.

I’m grateful that our biggest celebrities stay away.

Imagine how sad it would be to see Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban standing in line at Boost Juice in Bondi Junction.

Do you really want to see Cate Blanchett having to go through the experience of having her bags checked at Kmart?

Are we really ready to see Margot Robbie loitering around the Oporto’s carpark in Sydney’s inner west because she’s had a big one and now needs a bite to eat?

We aren’t.

Australia isn’t a fun playground for celebrities to frolic in. They deserve bottle service, not being spotted at the local bottle shop.

Originally published as Why being a famous person in Australia today isn’t all glitz and glam