Queen’s dry humour and deadpan wit shone in private

From teasing dinner guests, to ‘expendable’ cabinet ministers, stories of the Queen’s humour and deadpan wit are emerging.

The late Queen Elizabeth was “extremely funny” in private and “quite prepared to tease”.

In her Christmas speech in 1991, a few weeks before the 40th anniversary of her accession, the Queen reflected on a fractious society, at home and abroad in the aftermath of the end of the Cold War, and called for greater mutual understanding and tolerance.

“Let us not take ourselves too seriously,” she said. “None of us has a monopoly of wisdom.” Though utterly serious in her devotion to public duty, the Queen recognised that warm humour and gentle wit could charm the most savage breast.

The Labour leader Michael Foot, for instance, though nominally a republican, was won round over a dinner at the palace when he was served chicken kiev and the Queen told him: “If you’re clever how you put the knife in, you might be able to squirt Philip.”

Lord Williams of Oystermouth, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, said in 2012 that the Queen was “extremely funny” in private and “quite prepared to tease”. His successor, the Most Rev Justin Welby, ruefully admitted that the Church gave her plenty of material.

Her humour could be rather dry and self-deprecating, leaving her audience not quite sure if a joke had been made. Sir Hardy Amies, her outfitter, told a story about being with the Queen as she tried on a dress. “Very good,” she said, looking in the mirror. “If only someone would ask us somewhere smart.” When she had Ruth Rogers, owner of the Michelin-starred River Cafe, to lunch at Buckingham Palace, she told her: “I know it’s not what you’re used to.”

The Queen and Duchess of Cambridge share a laugh.

She had fine deadpan timing. Simon McCoy, a former royal correspondent, gave an example from a function on the royal yacht in Cape Town harbour in 1995. Stuck for small talk, he asked about the native costumes the Queen must have seen around the world. “There is one country where all they have is a feather,” she told him. “And I do worry when it is cold.”

After a visit to London by Lech Walesa, she told an aide that the Polish president knew only two words in English. There was a pause. “They are quite interesting words,” she added.

To mark her Golden Jubilee, Tony Blair hosted a dinner for the Queen and her five surviving prime ministers. As they gathered, the Queen remarked: “Isn’t it marvellous not to have to be introduced to anyone?” She occasionally teased her leaders after they left office. At a G7 drinks reception in 1991 she told Sir Edward Heath that James Baker, the US Secretary of State, had been blocked from visiting Baghdad because of the security risk. “I went to Baghdad,” Heath protested. “I know,” the Queen said, “but you are expendable now.”

Sometimes the humour could be a touch cutting, if expressed sweetly. A privy council meeting was interrupted by Clare Short’s mobile phone ringing. “Anyone important?” the Queen asked the Labour minister as she turned it off. And when Sir Roy Strong, the name-dropping former director of the V&A, gushed about the people he had seen at one of the Queen’s parties, she put him in his place, saying: “I haven’t a clue who was there. I forgot to put my specs on.”

Late in life, she achieved her childhood dream of being an actress, famously performing with James Bond and Paddington Bear, but she modestly deflected praise on to her co-stars. At a reception after the London Olympics, Dame Katherine Grainger, the rower, congratulated the Queen on her cameo with Daniel Craig. “A few people have been commenting on that,” the Queen replied, before breaking into a huge smile and adding: “Did you see how well my corgis acted?”

The Times