Learn to be nice to your kids, tiger mums told

China’s domineering and ruthlessly competitive mothers are finally learning the cost of forcing children to the limit.

A young boy practices gymnastics at a sports school in Chengdu, China.

They are known as China’s “tiger mums” — domineering and ruthlessly competitive mothers willing to push their children to be the best in everything.

Now, after decades of domination, the tigers are slowly being declared.

Parents are signing up to “parent-child” classes in record numbers as they become more aware of the cost of forcing children to the limit, said Zhang Yiyun, a Shanghai-based psychologist.

“It’s been an obvious trend in the past two years that parents are tuning in to their children’s mental health,” said Zhang, who offers an eight-week course for those keen to better understand and empower their children.

“In the past, parents were worried when their children were tardy with homework, now they want to know if their children are mentally healthy,” she told The Times.

She credited Beijing’s recent ban on “crammers” — private after-school tutors employed to push children in their studies — with the shift in parental attitudes. “They can slow down and that voice has grown louder,” Zhang said. “Parents now want to know if their children have a sound character and whether they are happy.”

Her course, which costs about $AU950, has attracted more than 2,000 parents since last year.

Xu Ming, 42, a mother of three, became concerned when her five-year-old son’s teacher said he was quick to lose his temper. She told the South China Morning Post that after doing the course she was “better able to accept his emotions, be more patient and provide a calming environment”.

Students attend the 100th anniversary of the founding of Wuhan High School on the first day of the new semester in Wuhan.

A 2020 report on the mental health of China’s elementary and secondary schoolchildren found that 15-year-old pupils, while performing better academically than the global average, were less happy. Xiang Xianming, a professor at Nanjing Normal University who led the study, said it was more important for parents to nurture children’s souls than “tutor their homework”.

He said academic pressure was one of the main reasons for children’s mental health problems.

Zhu Yongxin, a political adviser, also criticised excessively high academic expectations.

“The demands by parents on children is to get high scores, go to a good school, find a good job and earn a good income,” Zhu said. “But the highest purpose of education is to teach students to learn happiness, to enjoy learning, to happily interact with others.”

Sun Yunxiao, an education expert, said: “If you accompany your children, set a good example, find their passions, respect them and support them, you will be a good parent.”

The Times