Kate Middleton deserves better than photoshop furore
ENOUGH! I’m not sure whether it was the grainy picture of Catherine Middleton looking miserable in the back of the car being driven through a rainy Datchet with her husband, her daughter’s cardigan sleeve leading the BBC news bulletins, the grovelling apology from the princess saying she wanted to own up over her photoshop blunder, friends saying she “feels awful”, or social media speculating over everything from her illness to the whereabouts of her wedding ring. But at some stage I started to feel queasy. It’s beginning to seem like bullying.
Here is a 42-year-old woman who has been ill since Christmas, had major abdominal surgery and spent two weeks in hospital. She has three young children who will be feeling discombobulated, her husband will be anxious and her father-in-law has cancer. When I was a child and my mother went into hospital for several weeks, we were so distraught we forgot to feed the guinea pig and it died. Bad stuff happens when a family member, especially a parent, falls ill; everyone becomes stressed and sleep-deprived.
I’m amazed the Windsors thought they could get a decent family photograph on a Friday afternoon when they probably wanted to slump in front of the telly. But does it really matter that the princess tweaked a Mother’s Day pic while trying to persuade the conspiracy theorists that she wasn’t in a coma? At least she took the blame rather than hiding behind her courtiers, her husband or her illness. It’s hard when everyone around the world is speculating whether you’ve had a hysterectomy, a Brazilian bum lift, or got Crohn’s disease. For an aspiring photographer, the “kill notice” by picture agencies was humiliation.
The princess has asked for three months off to recuperate. Any employer knows that they cannot harass an employee on sick leave: it’s counter-productive as well as illegal. The Princess of Wales has always been clear that she won’t return until April. It’s not long to wait if you’re a royalist or a republican, who shouldn’t care anyway. But no – we’ve gone for it, including me. We can’t discuss Gaza, British politics is a doom-scroll, the weather is too dreadful. Kate speculation is easy during damp dog-walks round the park or with the in-laws or at work.
Of course, in some ways royal spouses are fair game. They get to go to premieres, sleep in castles and meet other celebrities in designer outfits. But they also have high rates of attrition, as the divorce stats show. Their work is mostly dull and repetitive. I’ve occasionally followed them around; I wouldn’t want their job. Imagine being photographed straight after giving birth. But Catherine knew the deal when she swapped a career for a coronet.
However, a major illness requiring surgery is different. The princess’s absence doesn’t affect the running of the country, nor does some photoshopping say much about the takeover of artificial intelligence. Spare us the speculation about her insides or her marriage.
Everyone handles illness, tragedy and trauma in different ways. The Archbishop of Canterbury used Mother’s Day to talk about his difficult childhood with an alcoholic mother, of having to forage for food in the fridge on Christmas Day. He has also discussed his depression. For some, disclosure can be cathartic. For others who write about their anorexia or bereavement, it’s a way of coming to terms with adversity or grief and helping others.
I interviewed Deborah James several times after her terminal diagnosis for bowel cancer. The campaigning Bowelbabe, who died 20 months ago, and I talked about everything from stool samples to funeral requests. She shared pictures of her colostomy bag and last dance with her son. Here was a teacher who wanted to encourage others to check their poo, and she certainly saved lives. I’ve written a book about overcoming difficult childhoods and have a podcast with Rachel Sylvester, What I Wish I’d Known When I Was Young, where people from Sir Keir Starmer to Marcus Rashford have talked movingly about their struggles growing up. Fifty years ago, it wasn’t done to “emote”.
The inventor James Dyson told us that his father waved goodbye to his nine-year-old son while clutching a suitcase. He didn’t tell his children he had cancer and never made it back from the hospital. Now people can more easily discuss their menopause stories, infertility heartache, abortion or addiction. But while it’s good to be able to share, no one should have to confess. It should never feel like a duty or an obligation to open up about your misfortunes. We shouldn’t feel forced into divulging all the details of our mental or physical illnesses – it’s rude and insensitive to insist. If the Princess of Wales wants to be stoic, that’s her choice.
Dame Laura Lee, chief executive of the cancer charity Maggie’s, said everyone reacts to illness differently. “I am shocked at how much judgment there seems to be over the way the princess has chosen to deal with her recent ill health. Illness is a very personal, private affair and everyone comes at it differently. There is no ‘right’ way of coping,” she told me. A study at Maggie’s found that 40 per cent of people had chosen to take annual holiday rather than sick leave from work for a hospital appointment. Many prefer to tell only their close family and friends if they are sick.
Dealing with an illness is hard enough without feeling condemned for the way you are handling it. If Catherine wants to keep the details of her medical history private she should be respected. She will spend the rest of her life in the public eye being examined for every grey hair or bit of cellulite. She hasn’t complained. She doesn’t ask for our sympathy – but right now we should give her space to recover.
The Times
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