Australian chef’s stern rebuke to Harry and Meghan

King Charles’ chef issued Prince Harry with a warning after a ‘magical moment’ nearly lured seals to their death on the Scottish coast.

Prince Harry and Meghan. Picture: Getty

In Prince Harry’s book Spare there is comedy gold involving an Australian, even more funny than the #frozentodger, #losingonesvirginityinapubpaddock or #Dukedogbowl incidents – although Harry and his wife Meghan may not have intended it to be so.

This is the seal opera – a “magical moment” according to Harry that was an omen from his deceased mother Diana that he and Meghan would have a baby.

Harry wrote about this truly amazing moment when he and Meghan saw a pod of seals while they were visiting the Castle of Mey, which is in an isolated part of Scotland in August 2018, just before their royal tour of Australia and soon after jetting to see their new besties George and Amal Clooney in Italy.

Upon viewing the seals, Harry did what anyone would do, he began singing to them, which they studiously ignored. But then his own true life Disney princess Meghan joined in and according to Harry, the seals “responded to her” with their “seal opera”.

Pray tell what the song was, Harry? But sadly, unlike constant references to other events, say his penis (he uses it like a stallion, it is circumcised, he attended William and Kate’s wedding with it frozen, he wet his pants in a sailing race on the day of his first date with Meghan and in a terrorist army training exercise he was told it was lacking in size) he has kept the mystic song a mystery.

“She really is magic, I thought,”, lovesick Harry wrote about his new wife. “Even the seals know it.” Emboldened by the moment, Harry strips off and swims towards the seals.

But when the truly blessed couple skipped back to the 500-year-old castle – once owned by the Queen Mother where she would teach visitors to play croquet – they are met with a stern rebuke.

“What the bloody hell are you doin’ mate?’’ could have been the response, although Harry doesn’t spell this out in the book.

But what is told is that King Charles’ chef, an unnamed Australian, took umbrage with Harry’s bravado in the chilly waters, worried not for the sixth in line to the throne, but for the fate of the seals.

King Charles’ chef, an unnamed Australian, took umbrage with Harry’s bravado in the chilly waters, worried for the fate of the seals. Picture: Getty

The chef warned them that these parts of the Scottish coast were “infested with orcas” and that luring the seals to the shoreline with their singing was luring them to a “bloody death”. However we know that Harry, or perhaps his ghostwriter JR Moehringer used some creative licence here, because no Aussie would call a killer whale an orca.

No matter, Harry says when they were soon back in their swing-a-cat-rip-a-necklace abode Nottingham Cottage in Kensington Palace Meghan conducted a pregnancy test, but he, gallantly, had fallen asleep. So it was when he woke up to find the test canisters near to the treasured blue box containing his mother’s hair, he said to himself: “Right, let’s see what Mummy can do with this situation.” Of course thanks to Diana, and also the mythological selkies, who transform from seals to humans, the result was positive.

Son Archie, now three, was born in May, 2019.