Perky copulator? Catchwords that keep families close

Well, well. It turns out quite a lot of you have cherished family expressions and I now have enough to fill several columns and quite possibly a book. So I hand today’s column over to you, dear readers, beginning with an astute observation from Pamela Wells. “It’s reassuring to know that families are still making up their own catchwords, which, for me, are a lifelong link to happy times in a stable home. I sometimes wonder whether dysfunctional families have this connection. I guess we’re lucky if we’ve had this comforting background.” Pamela’s words resonate. So here goes, and thank you to everyone who contributed so joyously.

The frumpus room – a place to relax in tracky dacks. The decoranda – the back deck/veranda. “We always have a giggle when referring to the coffee percolator as the ‘perky copulator’.” Banana man – the mysterious being who makes clothes smell nasty when they’re put away damp. Readversing: reading newspapers back to front. Windscreen wipers: scweem wipers, wind screamers, windscreepers and wine screen wimpers, to name a few. Helicopter: hairy doctor. Boobie-knickers for bras. A child’s jujitsu outfit – his angry pyjamas. Handy downs, an older sibling’s clothes passed down to you.

“Our four-year-old daughter wanted to know if we were having ‘those stranglers’ for tea. Three days later I worked out that the ‘stranglers’ were in fact chokos. We still call them ‘stranglers’ 46 years later.” Butt nug for the end of garlic bread. ‘Baked necks’ for bacon and eggs. Squirt for beer. “My first word for ice cream was ‘founcey’ and my adult children and I still religiously use it.” “My 97-year-old father (infected with Covid-19 in a nursing home) refers to the obligatory sip of congealed gut-saving gel that comes with breakfast as ‘metamuesli’.” “My grandmother ordered in a loud voice to her daughter that the coffee she wanted was fellatio (or better known as an affogato!)”.

“My sister and I invented the following – secrevious, ie someone sleazy and suspicious. And for people dressed badly, especially at show-off events like Melbourne Cup. It’s En Em – meaning ‘No Mirror’.” Icking stick, stick insect. “My little sister once referred to birds ‘pruning’ themselves, which we still use today.” A whoosh for a thunderstorm. “One day we were out walking on a particularly chilly morning with our breath condensing in clouds before us. My three-year-old wanted to talk about it but, lacking the words, made up her own: ‘breath smoke’.” “I need some comfany” means some comfy company please.

Creebles: restless leg syndrome. Pins and needles are hundreds and thousands in one family; sparkles in another. A bottom burp is a fart or a “cough in your rompers”. “In my 23-year-old’s kindergarten days, we talked about ways to express natural bodily functions to her teachers. For instance, instead of ‘fart’ she might consider ‘flatulence’ as a polite way to excuse herself. Her word became ‘shatulence’ … much to the delight of her teachers and open-mouthed astonishment of her peers.”

“Our son when he was three or four would often talk about his ‘downbit’, how it always changed sizes. Big, small, long, short. We thought he was talking about his bit ‘down there’, until one day he called from outside for us to come and have a look at his huge downbit. To our surprise it was his shadow.”

Thank you dear readers. There are hundreds more. I leave you with Lily and her tennis coach. “When Lily was seven she started lessons with a coach named Gwen. She struggled to remember the name so I suggested she remember the word ‘when’ and put a ‘g’ in front of it. Her coach was surprised when Lily bounced up to her and said ‘Good morning, Gwot!’”