Magnificent McLaren stakes its claim as the Best Supercar Ever

This McLaren 750S Spider is a machine of pure speed, equal parts challenging and thrilling; and makes the idea you are driving something built by an F1 team feel riotously real.

The McLaren’s design is about maximising aerodynamic downforce. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

If only more celebrities could be like me. As a saintly person, I occasionally auction myself off at charity fundraisers (sure, they throw in a passenger ride in a supercar, but we all know what the real attraction is), and, as you can imagine, the bidding is frenetic.

I recently took a young man who’d bought me by donating to Lifeline for a drive in the fastest and most physically punishing car I’ve ever endured, the McLaren 750S Spider, and he was kind enough to let me put a video of his violently emotional reactions on Instagram.

For those few of you who’ve not watched it dozens of times already (@stephencorby), I can report that we had to cut out one section where he admitted to having soiled himself and that at one point I was genuinely worried he might need medical attention.

Strangely, rather than yelling “stop”, “slow down” or “my God, you drive like Lando Norris”, he kept stutter-shout-sobbing “that’ll dooo”, as if he was channelling Farmer Hoggett from Babe.

While I was hugely amused by his mental anguish and embattled bowels, I must admit I sympathised with him, because this McLaren is capable of warping not just faces and stomachs, but time itself. The car that preceded it, the 720S, frightened me witless, but the speed freaks at McLaren thought it could, and more obscenely should, be faster, so they extracted even more power from its racing-derived (a phrase often overused, but entirely believable in this case) 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8, which now forces 522kW and 800Nm through the rear wheels only.

This sounds absolutely bonkers on paper – it’s the equivalent of throwing you down a steep mountain with only one ski rather than two, or attaching your garden hose to the back of a fire truck – and feels far more so in reality.

The first time I applied a tiny amount of throttle with some lock on, pulling onto a main road, the rear of the car stepped sideways like a line dancer dodging a bullet.

The 750S Spider – particularly when you drop its folding hard top – produces heartening heavy metal tones. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

Over our few thrilling days together, there were zero moments where I managed to apply full throttle, because when I got close to doing so the tyres felt like they were attempting to replicate the legs of the cartoon Road Runner. Even when I dared to give it 80 per cent, it felt like I was watching the in-car footage from a McLaren F1 racer, and somehow I would find my sphincter in my throat.

All of this might make it sound like I didn’t enjoy driving the deadly Spider, but the fact is I found it equal parts challenging and thrilling. A colleague whose opinions I respect, and who has also driven my favourite vehicle, Ferrari’s 296, declared the 750S his best supercar ever, and I can see why.

It is a machine of pure speed (zero to 200km/h takes 7.3 seconds) and makes the idea that you are driving something built by an F1 team feel riotously real. It is also pure in its engineering, because it’s not a hybrid like the Ferrari, but I’d still take the 296, just because it looks and feels more special inside and out, rides better, and has more talkative steering.

The McLaren’s design is about maximising aerodynamic downforce (and it has a wonderful whale tail that deploys when you brake hard, making it look like Kermit is mooning you in the rear-vision mirror), not looking pretty, although its combination of a mantis green paint job with an orange interior was certainly memorable. The 750S must be stupendous to drive on a race track, but it is perilously close to being too much car for the real world.

It also has some issues, like the fact that its lurid racing seats are so narrow you need a svelte racer’s body like mine to fit – Clarkson would have to perch on them like an elephant on a bar stool. It also drinks heavily; at one stage, adapting to the way I was driving it, the trip computer predicted I would get just 150km from its 72-litre tank.

It is perilously close to being too much car for the real world. Picture: Thomas Wielecki

And within the first hour, the passenger-side window got stuck, a problem that occurred several times, and the next day the nose lifter froze too, which led to concerning warnings of suspension malfunction, and a logical fear that if too much air got under the front end I might end up at 10,000 feet.

When I dared to whine about these gremlins to someone, they pointed out that I was looking a lot of gift horsepower in the mouth and that I shouldn’t expect anything else from British engineering. I should also make the admission that while I have complained in the past that McLarens fell short of being properly super because they were too quiet, the 750S Spider – particularly when you drop its folding hard top – produces heartening heavy metal tones.

Throw in the fact that it also produces actual explosions, complete with flames from the exhaust, if you change gears aggressively enough, and this machine really is motoring theatre at its best.

If I were paying someone to scare me memorably and fill my trousers with shame, rather than driving one myself, the $654,600 McLaren 750S Spider is the supercar I would choose.

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McLaren 750S Spider

Engine: 4.0-litre twin-turbo V8 (522kW/800Nm)

Fuel economy: 12.2 litres per 100km (I doubt it)

Transmission: Seven-speed dual clutch automatic rear-wheel drive

Price: $654,600

Rating: 4.5/5