Kings of the road: the best cars for your holiday

There’s a perfect car for every type of driving holiday, from a Mercedes-Benz S Class to a drop-top Audi. Let this be your guide.

Heaps of fun: the Audi A5 Cabriolet

The need to leave town and head for wide open places seems stronger than ever at the end of a year in which many of us could barely leave our houses. You could, if you were worried about missing inner-city cloister-phobia, choose to sleep in your car or one of the cool camper vans I’m almost tempted to test-drive – VW’s California or Mercedes-Benz’s fun-sounding Marco Polo Activity – but then you’d be denying desperate hoteliers your money. Better to choose an appropriate weapon for the type of holiday you’re going on and hit the road like the Mad Vax you’ve become. Let the following be your guide...

Mercedes-Benz S Class

Luxury escape

The problem with choosing a truly fabulous car for a luxury getaway is that I might not want to stop, or get out. A few lockdowns ago, my wife and I went to a stupendous hotel without our children and I thought it would be a suitable idea to drive there in a Porsche 911, but unfortunately it delivered the two of us in entirely different ways. My wife couldn’t wait to get out, and felt seasick for the rest of the evening; I kept standing on the balcony staring at the car and waffling lyrical about the beauty of its design.

So no, a sporty, sexy and exciting car is the wrong choice for a luxury break. What you need is the Mercedes-Benz S Class, a giant sweet marshmallow cloud of wafty effortlessness to deliver you to the doors of haven feeling blissed out and beneficent.

The $264,900 S Class can be driven with less effort than it takes to eat whipped cream from a canister, it has actual pillows instead of head rests and its seats can give you a hot-stone massage – it’s luxury all the way away.

Nissan Patrol Ti-L

Outback adventure

I fully understand the desire to get out into the red dust, to be dwarfed by vast skies, brindled by an outback sun and pestered by flies, but I must admit I prefer to fly there. Those hardy souls who want to spend days traversing our vast continent will want a vehicle that offers a luxurious interior (with, vitally, screens built into the seatbacks to pacify dangerously bored children) and one that sits several feet above the ground so you can enjoy the expansive views.

They will also want an engine so powerful it makes driving effortless, like the 5.6-litre V8 found in the Nissan Patrol Ti-L, which also has the off-roading ability to clamber over boulders, through rivers and off the edge of cliffs. Just in case.

Oh, and they’ll probably want to tow something fat and awful behind them, like a caravan, but with its 560Nm of torque, the $93,365 enormous Nissan can do that, too. Good luck to them, I say. They can send me a postcard.

Hyundai Ioniq 5

City break

If you’re going to give off a cool, inner-city vibe, these days your car needs to come with a green glow, and a cable so you can be seen plugging in and recharging; that way people know you’re awake to being woke. In the past, an EV meant a Tesla, but there’s a surprising new player in town, and one that looks, and feels, even more edgy and funky than Elon Musk’s children’s names. It’s called the Ioniq 5, and yes, it’s quite OK to forget to mention the word “Hyundai”, which comes before that. All mention of the Korean parent brand seems to have been scrubbed from the super-modern interior with its reclining “Zero Gravity” seats (which you can nap on while it’s recharging). Make no mistake, though, this shapely car is the shape of Hyundais to come and, despite prices starting at $71,900, it sold out in Australia the very same day it went on sale. Fear not, more are coming.

Audi A5 Cabriolet

Sun seeker

There are people, some of whom live in my house, who don’t pine to own a convertible car when the weather turns warm. They use cruel terms to describe these adult-toy Transformers, like “ostentatious” and “dickhead”, and flat out refuse to be seen in them unless the roof is left up at all times.

This makes no sense to me, but then I long ago became inured to the feeling that people are staring at me when I drive (it’s tough being a celebrity, but you get used to it), and nor do I believe the unkind theory that people buy rag-top cars so that others see more of them.

Perhaps it’s a connection to my inner motorcyclist that attracts me to convertibles like the $93,400 Audi A5 Cabriolet, but I just love the feeling of the sun on my skin, the fact that you can smell and sense the world around you. And on the right bit of winding tarmac, such as Victoria’s Great Ocean Road, they make the perfect companion for spirited, sunny-day driving.

Sure, in winter, a convertible is as pointless as a pair of brown-paper Speedos, but in summer, this is the car you’re looking for.