Have not laughed so much in a long time. At How to Please a Woman, a hoot of a new film from Australian writer/director Renée Webster. What do we women of a certain age truly want when it comes to sexual pleasure? Touch? Slowness? Tenderness perhaps? A listening? Not having our breasts fondled, quite possibly; or is it, actually, another woman?
All this and more is explored with glee and a total absence of the male gaze. I’m already planning a dream of a screening for my next big birthday. The film is perfect for a bijou cinema full of girlfriends, champers, chocolate and screams of recognition. Webster explains: “I feel like the world needs a bit of mad tender joy and this film is all about that. It views sex as a conversation between people, and acknowledges that conversation can change over time.”
I’ll never look at an exercise bike in the same way again, and no, it isn’t what you’re thinking. Then there’s the use of coconut oil as a natural lubricant. Who knew? But of course we all do know that if a birthday stripper arrives at a middle-aged woman’s house and declares that he’ll do anything requested, she’s going to respond with one word: “Cleaning.” Another woman goes further – “the ironing”. The service expands from there, er, literally. The rule: a minimum of one orgasm per order thank you very much, and for many men this is surprisingly hard to deliver (yes, we women are good at faking it, but are becoming much better at instructively leading in this department – as the film so sensitively shows).
Truth bombs: a young man who admits, “I’m not exactly sure I can say I know how to please a woman.” The reply from his 50-something mate: “Well, if you can say that you’re a better man than most.” A middle-aged bloke who’s not interested in sex any longer – with his wife, or anyone else. But the film’s not just about sexual politics; there are workplace politics too. The male boss who sacks the 50-something workhorse of a colleague yet can’t keep his eyes off the chest of the pneumatic 20-something; and who gets that very capable older woman to do all the menial tasks that take up so much time and often stop females from getting ahead, unlike the people so much freer to pursue more serious matters. That get noticed. For promotion.
Which brings me to a new book called The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work, a timely manifesto for females about declining all that workplace drudgery that’s getting their careers precisely nowhere. Like coffee runs. Looking after interns. Organising leaving presents. Because you know what? Careers are stalled by so much time being taken up with “helping out” on tasks that men often don’t seem to touch. It comes from that pesky little stereotype of women as “helpers”. And by saying yes, more often, they reportedly take on an extra 200 hours of work a year. And do women enjoy doing this type of work more? Are they inherently better at it? No, and no.
In Australia we have the new “Fck the Cupcakes” movement. Founder Jasmin Bedir says the initiative began from all those times women get together to discuss gender equality, hear from inspirational speakers and… eat cupcakes. “But once the sugar high wears off,” Bedir explains, “there’s still a need for more action.” She says there’s an urgent desire for men to “Be the Change” (her blazing campaign slogan). The aim is to shift the focus from women endlessly battling sexism and misogyny to men fighting it too.
They could do worse than starting with How to Please a Woman. New film. New book. New movement. All of them about women saying what they want – but perhaps more crucially, what they don’t.
14 zucchini recipes for all your summer meals
Zucchini is the secret superstar ingredient that brings a fresh touch to any dish – whether you’re looking for a light salad, a healthy snack, or a comforting dinner.
Rockmelon like you’ve never seen it before
Blend it into a chilled soup with a splash of white verjuice and a peppery oil, and the result is an elegant starter that sings of hot days and cool breezes.