Elon will get to Mars one day – but will he get to heaven?

Given that the Tesla boss is worth about $US385 billion according to Forbes, he must feel some alarm.

At the top of the tottering totem of Trump’s tech tycoons is the almost-trillionaire Tesla mechanic Elon Musk. Picture: AP

Forget the Google guys. And Gates, who got caught with his pants down in embarrassing proximity to Epstein. Forget Zuckerberg and Bezos. At the top of the tottering totem of Trump’s tech tycoons is the almost-trillionaire Tesla mechanic Elon Musk. And Elon brings to mind a link between camels and wealth.

My odometer is about to tick over to 86, and for 81 of those years I’ve been an atheist. But that hasn’t prevented me from studying – even memorising – many tracts from the Bible, both Old and New Testaments. Ditto Islam’s Koran and Hinduism’s Vedas. And all contain the same warning.

It states in Luke 18:25: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” This is, as you know, repeated in both Matthew 19:24 and Mark 10.25, so it must be important. Fun fact: The same camel/rich-man idea also pops up in the Koran.

Given that the Tesla boss is worth about $US385 billion according to Forbes, he must feel some alarm. Elon might get to Mars one day, but the Gates of Heaven seem firmly locked. Clearly, it would require a huge herd of camels – both one-humped dromedaries and two-humped bactrians – to make the quota, particularly at this time of high tariffs. (We could help Elon here, given we have millions of feral camels wandering the Outback. And we need to get onside with the Trump administration.)

Elon Musk’s wealth has dropped dramatically during his time as de facto leader of Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency. Picture: Getty

The only good news for Elon is that his wealth has dropped dramatically during his time as de facto leader of Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency. Apart from the EVs that spontaneously combust, many Teslas have been targeted by anti-Trump terrorists. Elon must feel an immense sense of relief at this financial hit, even more than when one of his SpaceX rockets manages not to explode en route to his own personal planet.

It seems only yesterday that tootling around in a Tesla was seen as a good thing, indicative of environmental concerns. But given Trump doesn’t believe in the environment (and deems climate change a hoax), the approving applause has been replaced by raspberry-blowing. Tesla drivers drive around in disguise, wishing their EVs were Hummers.

As you know Elon has a large number of children: at the last count, at least 14. Six with his ex-wife Justine, some with musician Grimes, plus contributions from tech exec Shivon Zilis and “conservative influencer” Ashley St Clair. Yet Elon’s always open to offers for more, it seems. He’s on record as saying special people like himself need to breed – it’s a sort of evolutionary responsibility. (Sadly though, he’s reported to be estranged from one of his children, Vivian Wilson, 21, a member of the trans community. Trans? That’s another no-no for any Trumpian.)

But back to camels and needles. On double-checking the numbers with my accountant, it seems there aren’t enough camels – dromedary or bactrian, feral or domesticated – for Elon’s urgent theological requirements, or enough for Clive Palmer of Trumpet of Patriots fame. Perhaps Clive and Elon should start a breeding program.

Of camels, not kids.