Eating out? Make a bloody effort or stay home

Smart thinking: restaurateur Simon Gloftis. Picture: Brad Fleet

It takes a fair bit to surprise me these days. Queen Elizabeth’s still going. The US Congress just held a public hearing on UFOs. And at Burger King in Germany you can get a burger with layers of pancake, raspberries, ice cream, regular cream and a beef patty.

However, in one of Australia’s smartest restaurants earlier this year, I was staggered to see a tattooed diner wearing gym shorts, a T-shirt and trainers. Mr Maserati. Another was wearing a baseball cap. I guess it was just their way of saying, “This kind of money is meaningless to us, so why make a special effort?” But for the majority, the bill was eye-watering and the elegant venue and besuited wait-staff demanding of some kind of sartorial recognition.

Other anecdotes from the past 15 years? A chap wearing a cap with the words “F..k Fashion” emblazoned on it. At breakfast in a hotel restaurant full of kids. Or what about the man at an upmarket Melbourne place wearing a T-shirt declaring “I’m not gay but I’d take one for Justin Bieber”?

I’ve already been cancelled by the Millennials and whoever comes next, so it really doesn’t matter to me if I come across as out of touch with modern living. But being the great, relaxed, egalitarian nation we are doesn’t have to mean we should disrespect everything. Make a bloody effort or stay home. That’s not just me talking, by the way; dress codes are making a post-pandemic comeback. Just because you spent the past two years working in your Y-fronts doesn’t mean you can go out to tea in your trackies.

Brisbane restaurateur Simon Gloftis got blowback recently when he went public with a politely expressed state of play, dress-wise. “We believe it is our guests that truly create the atmosphere in our restaurant,” Gloftis wrote. “We put great thought into every aspect, and politely request that our guests do the same. Smart casual attire and considerate hygiene are a base line – some of our guests choose to dress more formally to suit their occasion. Jackets are optional, smiles are preferred. Shorts and exercise wear, thongs and singlets are best left at home. Our martinis might be dirty, your clothes may not. We encourage your individuality but ask that neck tattoos are covered with a crisp collar. Face tattoos are not permitted.”

There was even more hoo-ha earlier this year when a Sydney restaurant, Bedouin, put a note on the front door telling potential customers they are not allowed to have any visible tattoos and can’t wear “designer labelled apparel” or “heavy jewellery”. So, any professional footballer, basically.

A quick spin round the websites finds similar face/head tattoo fatwas at Maya, Brisbane, and Nineteen at The Star Gold Coast. Lots of places kybosh thongs, slides and sandals, T-shirts, running shorts, singlets and swimwear. What a pity a ban is necessary at all.