Dear Vanessa Hudson, this is how you can rebuild Qantas

Phillip Adams has penned an open letter to incoming Qantas CEO Vanessa Hudson, pictured. Picture: NCA Newswire / Gaye Gerard

Dear Ms Hudson,

May I call you Vanessa? I write to congratulate you on taking over what’s left of Qantas from the Lethal Leprechaun (my not-very-pet-name for Alan Joyce), along with a few suggestions that might be of interest.

Firstly, renationalise the airline. This patriotic proposition is already gaining momentum from those who remember Qantas in its halcyon days. I’m one of them and have, as they say, skin in the game, having presented my marketing credentials to the board 40-odd years ago, when Qantas’ mercy fights from a cyclone-ravaged Darwin were still fresh in the memory. It was a time when, around the world, returning Aussies would be greeted by cabin crew with a friendly grin – and “G’day, welcome ‘n’ board”. No matter where you were, you already felt halfway home when you heard that.

It wasn’t just the perfect safely record that made us proud of the world’s second-oldest airline (only the Dutch KLM was older). It was the Qantas ethos – the “vibe”, if you like.

Hence my suggestion to the board of a new motto. I can still see the smiles as I unveiled it. THE SPIRIT OF AUSTRALIA. It soon appeared on everything from aircraft fuselages to boarding passes to the serviettes provided with the peanuts. I subsequently suggested Qantas acquire Peter Allen’s anthem I Still Call Australia Home. Two perfect fits.

The downward spiral began, as with so many Australian institutions, with privatisation. And it accelerated during the reign of Alan Joyce. Alan found many pots of gold for himself at the end if the airline’s rainbow, but others weren’t so lucky. Not the pilots, not the cabin crews, not the ground crews, not the engineers – and certainly not the passengers.

Using Covid as camouflage, savage staffing cuts were made and the fleet became old to the point of arthritic. As I publicly complained countless times, the airline did NOT call Australia home – and did NOT deserve my motto. Qantas was NOT the Spirit of Australia.

In recent times a dispirited mockery of the Spirit of Australia has wreaked such havoc on the company’s reputation that all the “loyalty programs” on Earth will no longer restore the loyalty of passengers. And the final departure of Alan Joyce will not be of national mourning.

Much is expected of you Vanessa, or at least hoped. But the task!!

Soon, like Elvis, Alan will have left the building. With his usual inability to read the room, his final decision seems to have been an apologetic phone call to Alan Jones. Mr Jones had just learnt of his eviction from that most inner of sanctums, the Chairman’s Lounge.

Vanessa, your Mission Near Impossible, should you agree to accept it, is not to placate a shocked jock about the Chairman’s Lounge but to rebuild the lost trust of your staff and your passengers – so that once again Qantas can call Australia home, and be deserving of my motto. I’ll check back with you in a few months.

This message will self-destruct in ten seconds.

Yours most sincerely,

Phillip.