BMW X4 M review: it’s all about the looks

The X4 M feels contrived. It’s a body-builder among SUVs – bulked-up for self-admiration, but lacking purpose.

2019 BMW X4M.

We’ve become used to the idea that each fresh generation of car improves the breed. So we’re not surprised when a new model launches like a rocket sled, has the tractive power of a tugboat, needs servicing once a decade and uses less fuel than a cigarette lighter. If you remember what one of those is.

They get bigger every iteration, too, and stronger. As humans have grown taller and live longer, cars have followed suit. There’s space and comfort in rich abundance plus an infotainment system that makes your 4K TV look like a 1990s Nokia. Being in the cabin is safer than being indoors and the tailpipe emissions are as sweet as sea breeze.

We’ve come a long way, no question, and it would be a mistake to think the good old days were actually any good. Cars used to break down and rust, spew toxic fumes and lurch about dangerously. Safety meant a padded dashboard and they were so small, your face was the crumple zone. Yearning for that would be like nostalgia for Victorian-era hospitals. Cars were nasty, brutish and short.

But we’re reaching an end point because today’s trends are riddled with contradictions. Like us, cars are becoming increasingly obese, obsessed with appearance, overlorded by software and emotionally lame.

Perhaps to alight on today’s subject, the BMW X4 M, with all this in mind is unfair. It is hardly alone. But it is representative. Its central contradiction concerns its identity. The X4 is an SUV and the M badge tells you it’s been finessed by BMW’s performance division. Its twin, the X3, now also comes with an M badge and the two arrive together as the debut go-fast versions of these cars.

Where the X3 is fairly traditional SUV territory albeit in luxury guise, the X4 has a racy fastback shape. The X3 has a level of practicality you might expect from a vehicle this size but the X4 has compromised that for appearance.

In fact, the X4 M is all about looks, as becomes apparent from its glossy black intakes, tough quad tailpipes, aerodynamic garnish and faux side gills. It looks brutal and the cabin has grippy sports seats, overwrought virtual instruments and carbon fibre trim to complete the illusion.

But it comes at a cost. Its rear doors are small, so ingress is tricky. The interior is snugger than you should expect from a 4.7m-long vehicle and it can accommodate less cargo than an X3. The shape’s large tailgate with raked glass precludes the fitment of a wiper, and it quickly gets dirty. My complaints about vision lines, front and rear – familiar to any regular reader – apply here as much as anywhere.

Of course this visually beefier version comes at a premium to the equivalent X3 – it’s $7k more. While SUVs have been around a long time, this type of vehicle barely existed a decade ago. BMW started the trend but now they are commonplace and the X4 M has equivalents from Mercedes, Jaguar and Porsche, among others.

The X4 M’s performance engineering is genuine enough – there’s sophisticated suspension with special anti-roll bars, adaptive damping and a rear differential. To make it behave more like a sportscar its all-wheel drive system activates only when required, otherwise it’s rear-drive in the preferred manner of enthusiasts. It has some offroad software, such as hill descent control, but you’re kidding if you stray from the tarmac in this.

On-road performance comes from a spectacularly good engine from a brand with a reputation for desirable six-cylinders. This is a heavily tuned unit, with two turbochargers, fuel injection, variable valves and camshafts, and a racing-inspired cooling system. There’s some delay in low-speed response – partly due to the turbos, partly the transmission, I suspect – but it propels this two-tonne monster assertively to 100km/h in 4.1s, making it competitive with its peers. It likes to rev, too, with a surge of power towards the peak at 6250rpm and a high redline of 7200rpm. When you press on, it sounds the business.

It also gets stronger brakes and substantial additional body bracing, front and rear, with the result that it feels tied down through corners and especially tight for a two-box design. For something this big and tall, it points and turns remarkably well. The steering is quick and direct, the body movements and weight transfer reliable.

To achieve this, and complete its SUV-as-muscle-car brief, it comes with oversize alloys and 40-ratio Michelins. This uncomfortable combination delivers a ride so noisy and detailed you’d know it had run over a Rizla. If you remember what one of those is.

Really, if you want something with modest practicality and limited offroad capability that drives well, there are performance station wagons that do the job more convincingly. By comparison, the X4 M feels contrived. It’s a body-builder among SUVs – bulked-up for self-admiration, but lacking purpose.

BMW X4 M

Engine: 3.0-litre turbo-petrol six-cylinder (375kW/600Nm)

Average fuel 10.6 litres per 100km

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive

Price: $164,900

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars