Bentley Continental GT: the last word in conspicuous consumption

Picture the nicest hotel room you’ve ever been in, collapsed inside a car and you have some idea of the Bentley Continental GT.

Bentley Continental GT

It’s not often that I’m struck by the urge to sit in a car and drive all the way to Melbourne, partly because it’s a dangerously boring road – I may have angered the Highway Patrol a few years ago when, working on a motoring magazine, I paid someone to drive the Ho Hum(e) Highway at 130km/h to show it was not just quicker but safer that way (I’d already been made redundant by this point, obviously). And then there’s the fact that when you get there, you’re in Melbourne. So enjoyable is the experience of piloting the new Bentley Continental GT, however, that I’d happily drive there, very slowly, then turn around and head back to Sydney again.

Picture the nicest hotel room you’ve ever been in, then get an oil sheikh to throw some cash at it, bumping it to at least seven stars. Now collapse onto the impossibly soft leather couch, and let your ears bathe in the brilliance of an absurdly loud and clear stereo system while the seat provides you with the kind of glorious massage that will make people laugh and point at your face.

Bentley Continental GT

This is what driving the Bentley is like. Everything you touch feels decadent, the windows are made of double-thick glass, the roof is fluffy with sound-deadening material and the world outside – filled as it is with appallingly normal people who don’t have a choice of five different massage programs while driving – seems pleasantly far away. You can still see the little people’s faces, but there’s no chance you’ll be able to hear them bemoaning their lot.

The whole experience feels as if you’re sitting inside a very expensive wallet, which seems appropriate given the Continental GT starts at an eye-watering $400,900. There are a lot of pricey options not included in that number, however, some of which you simply must have, like the Bentley Rotating Display, which hides the 12.3-inch touchscreen away behind an alternative analogue display that features beautiful and pointless dials, including a compass. Yes, the Rotating Display does cost $12,505, but you’re worth it, and once you’ve thrown in a few other niceties, like the lustrous Cricket Ball red paint ($11,969), you’ll easily get close to the as-tested price for my Continental GT V8, at $495,772.

Bentley Continental GT

It’s important to drop that V8 mention in there, because the last Continental I drove had a W12 engine (basically two V6s rammed together), which seemed a trifle unnecessary. Yes, you do need a lot of grunt to shift 2.1 tonnes of Bentley in an appropriately rapid manner, but the 4.0-litre, twin-turbo V8 does so with ease. While the Continental’s speedometer was clearly designed by the amp technician for Spinal Tap (“these go to 11!”), with its indicated top speed of 360km/h, it is genuinely quick, with a 0 to 100km/h burst of four seconds flat, and a V-max of 318km/h.

Mostly, though, I felt no mad desire to explore its deep wells of power, as I was so happy to just waft along (its air spring suspension sometimes making me forget I was on a road at all), occasionally calling on its titanic torque to surge majestically off the lights. But then I reached a winding, enjoyable road and engaged the Sport setting, feeling compelled to snort “let’s see what the old girl can do” as I did so.

The Continental – proudly “Hand Crafted” in Crewe, England – is not ladylike at all, of course; if it were a person it would be the kind of polite but menacing bouncer you’d find outside a party at Windsor Castle. Driving it quickly seems almost inappropriate, like forcing a Great Dane to attempt show jumping, but it copes well with being whipped and sallied forth. All that weight and the clever suspension keeps it well planted, and acceleration is at first ample and then slightly alarming. Really pushing the throttle (which feels as if your foot is gliding through brandy butter) seems a bad idea, as you fear you might rip holes in the road surface.

Bentley Continental GT

What is truly weird is that it is still, unless you wind down your double-thick window, eerily quiet while all this is going on. There’s a distant rumble from under the car, as if someone is politely playing kettle drums down there, but otherwise the V8 sounds restrained. As the revs really rise, you can just pick up the odd grumbling burble, but generally it’s all just so well-mannered. Like Robert Plant screaming sotto voce.

Truly, the Bentley Continental GT is unique; a destination in itself, so much so that I’d be happy just to sit in it and go nowhere at all. Which does seem a better option than driving to Melbourne.

Bentley Continental GT

Engine: 4.0-litre, twin-turbocharged V8 (404kW /770Nm)
Average fuel: 12 litres per 100km
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive
Price: $400,900
Rating: ★★★★