A comedy about pretty people with gastro won big at Cannes

All the news that's fit to mint

All the news that's fit to mint

One of the most delicious parts of an election is the pent up passive aggressive grievances which seep out of parties, offices and failed tilts like melted ice.

Politicians are just like us (well, mainly me) and live for the drama - no matter how petty or prominent. And the days following elections are high tide for the post-poll waves that former colleagues like to dump on their associates.

Welcome to the "unnamed source" hangover special.

Why? Because over the weekend if you drank every time one of these 'brave' and anonymous talking heads were mentioned we'd be begging our livers to regenerate asap.

All the big political editors, including The Australian's Simon Benson, had the skinny on what happened with the former coalition government. 

What we learned is that:

•  Jenny Morrison was dancing with friends the night the Liberal party lost the election at the private event held for about 100 of the former PM's supporters and backers. She also hugged nearly everyone in the room thanking them for their support over the past three years and said her husband can now be responsible for doing "the school run".

Former Prime Minister of Australia Scott Morrison, flanked by his wife Jenny Morrison and daughters Lily Morrison and Abbey Morrison conceded defeat.

• The caterers at Kirribilli House served "beef party patties" to the former PM and his inner circle as they watched the results come in last weekend.  "The kitchen staff put on rounds of beef party patties – the 2019 chicken pieces hadn’t received rave reviews. But no one was really hungry," Benson wrote.

An official review is now underway into what went wrong with the Liberal party (on a macro level) and the campaign.

It's expected today that former defence minister Peter Dutton will become the new opposition leader and leader of the Libs. Former environment minister Sussan Ley is touted to be his deputy.

Summing up the mood accurately was Liberal senator James McGrath:

"The biggest issue facing Peter Dutton isn’t net zero, the biggest issue facing Peter Dutton is the cooked state of the Liberal Party," the experienced political strategist, hailing from Queensland, said.

"Numerous divisions are beset by factional warfare, weird policy priorities, ageing members, spiv warlords, and a dying local campaign structure.

"The number one priority must be a reform of our campaigning capability from the ground up,” he said.

The bubble is back

Canberra is full once again as the Labor party will meet today for an "internal ballot" to decide who gets to be what in the new government.

The ALP team will then meet for caucus on Tuesday to lock in the new ministry before everyone who gets a spot in cabinet heads to Government House to be sworn in on Wednesday.

Meanwhile the Libs' junior coalition partner, the Nationals, will vote for their new leader today. Barnaby Joyce is set to be challenged by former agriculture minister David Littleproud and Gippsland MP Darren Chester.

Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce and former agriculture minister David Littleproud are set to face off in a Nationals party room vote today.

Yesterday prime minister Anthony Albanese said one of his priorities as PM will be to ensure respect is restored in parliament when the new class of the 47th sits sometime in June or July.

Green dream

One person who'll be there will be new Brisbane MP  Stephen Bates. The 29-year-old is pleased parli doesn't start right away as he's rostered on to work for the next couple of days in his soon-to-be former job in retail. 

The absent votes counted on Saturday showed Bates secured the seat over the Lib MP Trevor Evans and Labor's candidate, Madonna Jarrett. 

Looks like his Grindr ads paid off.

Bates hosted several election campaign messages on the dating app, "You always come first with the Greens," one read. "Spice up Canberra with a third," was another.

"I'm gay myself and I know Grindr itself plays a huge role in the queer community, if it’s for relationships or just meeting other people who are like you and knowing that there’s other people like you out there," Bates said.

Greens candidate for the Federal seat of Brisbane Stephen Bates has claimed victory.

Bates will become the fourth Greens MP, after the party also won the Queensland seats of Griffith and Ryan, and retained the seat of Melbourne.

It is the third seat won by the Greens in the Queensland capital, and the victory means Labor is still one seat short of forming a majority government.

Here's where we're at:

• The Greens now have four House of Representatives seats with the party still in the race for the Melbourne seat of Macnamara, although Labor is currently ahead in that electorate.
• The electorates of Brisbane and Ryan were taken from the Liberal National Party, and Griffith from Labor.
• Right now, Labor has 75 seats in the lower house, one short of a majority.
• Macnamara, Gilmore, and Deakin remain in doubt.

Keep an eye our on our socials for the latest, @theoz.com.au

GOAT move

The NSW government is returning Me-Mel Island to traditional owners. The historic landmark is nestled in Sydney’s harbour and will be officially transferred to the Aboriginal community after a $43m revamp.

The transfer, of what is also known as Goat Island, is a “personal priority” for Premier Dominic Perrottet.

“Returning Me-Mel to the Aboriginal community is the right thing to do, and it helps deliver on my commitment of improving outcomes and opportunities for Aboriginal people across all parts of Government,” Perrottet said.

Goat Island, known as Me-Mel to the original inhabitants of the Sydney region.

Me-Mel is known for its rich Indigenous heritage and value with more than 30 buildings and other structures from the 1830s to the 1960s.

It was once inhabited by Wangal man, Bennelong and Cammeraigal woman, Barangaroo.

Ol' Blighty indeed

This week kicks off the countdown to the Queen's Platinum Jubilee - she's been the monarch for 70-years - there'll be parades and a whole bunch of royal content. In the meantime, British PM Boris Johnson, who is still coping a lot of heat for breaking his own government's strict Covid lock down rules to host wine and cheese nights, is reintroducing the imperial metric system.

"Boris Johnson will reportedly announce the return of imperial measurements to mark the Queen’s platinum jubilee, in an apparent attempt to garner support among Brexiter voters in battleground seats that the Conservatives are in danger of losing," reports suggest.

In the UK both imperial and metric measurements are used, with speed limits in miles per hour and milk and beer bought in pints. 

Since 1995, goods sold in Europe have had to display metric weights and measurements.

And since 2000 when the EU’s weights and measures directive came into force, shops have been legally required to use metric units for the sale by weight or measure of fresh produce. Something which Brexit fans banged on about during that referendum as they saw it was a way for the EU "interfering in British life".

While it is still legal to price goods in pounds and ounces, they have to be displayed alongside the price in grams and kilograms. 

Johnson then pledged that he would bring back imperial units in shops during his election campaign in 2019. 

He said that measuring in pounds and ounces was an “ancient liberty” as he heralded a “new era of generosity and tolerance” towards traditional measurements.

The only places around the world who still use the scale are the US and Liberia.

The response has been more British than a bacon butty.

It depends on what drugs you buy. Cannabis is always in ounces. Cocaine is in grams.

— Darren Boyle (@misterscoop) May 28, 2022

Super Sabbath

The Pope has accepted the Uluru Statement from the Heart at St Peter’s Square and offered the endorsement of it by posing for a photograph with the document after a briefing from aides and a meeting with Australia’s ambassador to the Holy See - Chiara Porro.

Gweagal woman Theresa Ardler presented the Big Guy's earth side representative with a copy of the Uluru statement during a 15-minute chat in Rome last week.

Pope Francis is presented with a copy of the Uluru Statement at the Vatican.

Meanwhile, welcome and/or acknowledgement of country could soon become a permanent fixture of the Catholic faith in Australia.

The recommendation to recognise the traditional owners of the land where churches, schools and parishes stand before Mass and meetings is outlined in a set of proposals to go before a vote at the Church's Plenary Council later this year. 

The draft document also suggests allowing women to have greater decision-making roles in the church, and maybe even considering lady humans for "ministry as deacons" gigs should Pope Francis authorise such a change.

As fictional lapsed Catholic Bill Heslop said: "You can't stop progress".

RIP bros

So the time of death has been called on crypto as almost $700bn has been wiped from crypto currents markets.

All of 'em - bitcoin, ripple, ethereum and dogecoin - are on life support following was financial experts are calling the "weekend’s crypto collapse".

Figures to be released this week by crypto exchange operator Independent Reserve will show nearly 29% of adult Australians have invested or plan to invest in crypto currencies.

What happens in Vegas...

Doesn’t stay in Vegas.

Five minutes was all it took to end Liz Cambage's Opals career and derail her teammates’ Tokyo Olympics campaign.

Our national women's team was involved in a practice match at the University Nevada Las Vegas before Cambage left the squad under a cloud of controversy. 

A video has surfaced of the game which shows Cambage elbowing her Nigerian opponent in the head and neck. She then slapped another Nigerian player across the face and racially vilified the entire African team.

Embarrassed Australian team officials were forced to call off the practice before the end of the second quarter.

That's a wrap in Cannes

A film that features models and celebrities dealing with violent gastro has won the prestigious Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival.

Triangle of Sadness, by Swedish director Ruben Östlund, is a "class warfare comedy" that stars Woody Harrelson as a Marxist yacht captain and, according to critics, "a climactic scene with rampant vomiting".

Meanwhile, actor Riley Keough won big and took home the Best First Film award for her directorial debut, a movie called War Pony.

Keough, who is a magnificent actor (see Zola and The Girlfriend Experience immediately if not sooner), is Elvis' granddaughter. 

So this year's awards were especially serendipitous for the Presley family given the premiere of Baz Luhrmann's biopic about the iconic singer.

"It was a very emotional experience. It's very intense to watch when it's your family," Keough said of seeing the film with her mother, Lisa Marie Presley, and grandmother, Priscilla Presley. "It wasn't like I distrusted Baz in any way, but you're protective over your family."

She also said watching Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge at the cinema when she was 12 was what inspired her to get into acting and making movies.

Luhrmann's Elvis received rapturous applause with a 10-minute standing ovation after the screening.

Which is the same amount of time I spent applauding Vogue Australia's latest edition.

I mean look at this absolute hip thrust of a cover.