Miranda Kerr's husband is having a worse day than you

All the news that's fit to mint

All the news that's fit to mint

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is breaking a lot of moulds. He' the first divorced PM and he's also the first leader who will have a loyal companion in Canberra in his cavoodle, Toto.

Introducing Australia's First Dog, who made her social media debut on Tuesday, the day after her dad was sworn into office, with her own verified account.

The Twitter handle @totoalbanese, at the time of publishing, had amassed more than 18,000 followers in just a few hours.

And we applaud the absolute audacity of this bitch. 

Hello Australia! 🐾🇦🇺 Dad thought it’d be a furry good idea to get me a Twitter account so here I am! 💞 Woof! 🐾 pic.twitter.com/VNSM6YXwA2

— Toto Albanese, Australia’s 1st Dog 🐾🇦🇺 (@TotoAlbanese) May 24, 2022

While Toto holds down the fort at The Lodge, Albanese has charmed our closest allies at the Quad security summit in Tokyo.

He clarified that Australia was aware climate change is the "greatest economic and security risk the Pacific" and tried to hose down the rhetoric on China's threat to the region all the while securing an (unofficial) State Visit to the US.

During the bilateral dialogue - the diplomatic version of "the chat" (except with less tears and more cameras) - Albanese thrilled US president Joe Biden with tales of his US State Department tour that he embarked on for five weeks in his 20s.

Albanese said he spent time with an array of organisations to understand how groups interact with the government, "everything from the National Rifle Association, to the Sierra Club, to Planned Parenthood to the full kit-and-caboodle across the spectrum."

The organisations are involved in some of the biggest hot button issues in the US, from gun control laws and abortion to the environment.

Biden stood up from his chair and appeared to walk off.

LOL

He then returned to say: "You're a brave man," shaking Albanese's hand, before sitting down again.

"It was an opportunity to see the full diversity in the way the country operates," said Albanese, adding he had immersed himself in the US, ending with a trip to Vegas. 

Biden said he looked forward to inviting Albanese to the United States "sooner than later".

What's the go with the election?

This campaign and time spent waiting to get an election result feels like a wet week but we're almost there.

Sky News chief election analyst Tom Connell, who has literally been on air since 6pm Saturday yet still manages to do complicated maths in his head and clearly explain how votes for the Senate work, reckons Labor is "aching close" to securing a majority of 76 seats. Meaning Albanese and Labor will govern the country in their own right.

Right now, the ALP has 74 in the bag, the Coalition have locked down 56.

The NT seat of Lingiari has officially been held by Labor and will see Tiwi woman Marion Scrymgour heading to Canberra. Curtin in WA - the richest electorate in the Big State - has gone to independent Kate Chaney.

Curtin was the seat of Lib Julie Bishop and Chaney's uncle, Fred Chaney, used to be the deputy Liberal leader. He quit the party in 1996 as he didn't like the direction it was heading (awks).

Former Liberal minister Fred Chaney living his best independent life

There are still six seats that are still too close to call. The reason? It's because millions of us voted early or had to vote via post or on the phone thanks to Covid.

So if you live in the areas in the electorates of Brisbane (Qld), Deakin (Vic), Gilmore  and Macnamara (NSW), Lyons (Tas) and Sturt (SA), you should know who your new, or returning, MP will be by the end of the week.

Next week the Labor "family" will all converge on Canberra to have their party room meeting and vote on who gets what portfolio. Labor ministers need to be voted in by their peers as an ALP cabinet has to include specific numbers of people from the right faction of the party and the left. Albanese, for example, is from the left. 

Once that happens, the rest of the ministers will head to Government House to take an oath and be sworn in by the Governor General and then the show that will be the 47th parliament of Australia can get on the road. 

Albanese and four others had to be given their official jobs early as the new PM was required overseas so other ministers, including a deputy in Richard Marles, can step up and be "acting PM".

If they didn't do this the country would be rudderless while the PM was away and we most definitely would have re-enacted that scene in Mrs Doubtfire where Robin Williams throws a kid's birthday party with a petting zoo inside the house.

Incoming

Did you cop a text from the former government on Saturday about an illegal boat being "intercepted" off Australia's coast?

Well the new government confirmed on Tuesday a few things. 

1. The boat was legitimately heading to Australia and had Sri Lankan asylum seekers on board.
2. It was turned back, or involved in a "take back procedure" - which is how the new government is referring to on-water matters.  

The Greens, the emergent third party, are disgusted.

Saying it was a "shameful continuation of Scott Morrison's brutal policy". Operation Sovereign Borders is a policy which both the coalition and ALP have backed for years. 

Oh Snap

Not a great day to be Miranda Kerr's husband. The bottomline of his company, Snapchat, now resemble that sad face filter.

Shares in the social media company, which is listed as Snap in the US, plummeted by 30%.

It may now miss its own revenue targets this year. 

Chief executive Evan Spiegel said Snap would evaluate the rest of this year's budget and "leaders have been asked to review spending to find additional cost savings".

The business lost about $11bn and Spiegel lost about $3bn of his personal net worth.

The news follows statements by companies including Uber and Facebook earlier this month that they would also rein in costs and hiring.

Last year Facebook here in Australia had a $24m tax bill after it doubled its profits but it sent about $1b in revenue to an "international subsidiary".

SA sacks its fun police

After 793 days, South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas has confirmed SA is no longer considered to be in a "state of emergency".

Masks for kids at school have been ditched, drinkers are allowed to stand up at the pub and Police Commissioner Grant Stevens no longer has to report for Covid crime duties and is instead free to return to his real job of fighting legit crims. 

Ben Affleck must be pumped

It's the business end of the NBA season in the US right now.

On Tuesday the Boston Celtics - J.Lo's fiance's favourite team -smashed Miami Heat (LeBron's old team and also where hot mess Lamar Odom played).

The Celtics, thanks to Jayson Tatum's blistering form, had an easy 102-82 win in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference playoffs. The finals series is now at two games apiece.

Je suis Kenny

Speaking of fans of the NBA...the Kardashian-Jenners are still in Italy celebrating Kourtney and Travis Barker's third wedding.

Kendall may be considered the world's most in demand model but she's really just like us (well me) - can't be trusted around sharp objects...

Kooking

And finds wearing Birks outside of the house overwhelming...

Meanwhile we're getting a look behind-the-scenes of the reception. There was lots of French champagne, black thigh-high stockings, red roses and portion controlled pasta.

My Nonna has called Interpol to have the caterer arrested for crimes against humanity.

This is a pasta dish apparently