Kate Moss is launching a wellness brand with $36 tea bags

All the news that's fit to mint.

All the news that's fit to mint.

What's happening in The Oz today:

😳 Scott Morrison and his Chamber of Secrets

💉 The federal government are extreme Dolly Parton fans

🙋🏻‍♂️ Victorian Opposition Leader gets the political equivalent of a break-up fringe

🐮 A full cream attack in NSW

🤦🏻‍♂️ Former Taliban prisoner who begged for release, returns to lick boots 

🇷🇺 Brittney Griner might be heading home

🗿 Hobart is going to tear down statues

🫖 Kate Moss is now flogging tea

Good morning!

So. You know how there's record low unemployment rates? 

Turns out former Prime Minister Scott Morrison was being a real lifter, if anything, for the economy in his final days and months PM.

You see, not only did he have one job as leader of the country, he also had about three others during the chaotic days of the pandemic. 

It's been revealed he secretly appointed himself as minister for health, finance and resources from March 2020.

These surprising facts feature in a new book out today called Plagued by our colleagues at The Australian - the Harold Evans to our Tina Brown - Simon Benson and Geoff Chambers at The Australian. 

Plagued: The juiciest #auspol book of the year.

In the bits we've read so far, Morrison hatched a radical, and until now secret, plan in March 2020 with then Attorney-General Christian Porter to swear himself in as health and finance minister alongside former Health Minister Greg Hunt and former Finance minister Mathias Cormann.

He also took on the resources portfolio, which the minister at the time, Keith Pitt, is vague on when his grass was cut. Instead saying on Monday he kind of, maybe knew something was up in 2021.

Morrison, who is still the member for Cook, refused to answer questions about the moves, which a range of constitutional law experts have labelled as "weird", "very odd" and "pretty peculiar".

Morrison - a sitting politician - told journalists, via text, that he - a sitting politician - wasn't get into it as he no longer keeps abreast of "day to day" politics. 

The new(ish) PM Anthony Albanese is looking into it and the Governor-General (the Queen's representative down here who has to sign ministers and the like in) is now under a heap of pressure.

GG David Hurley defended the secret appointments late Monday night and basically said it wasn't unusual for ministers to act like possessed, type-A single parents, and wear many hats and look after a couple of departments, because they can do everything.

“The Governor-General, following normal process and acting on the advice of the government of the day, appointed former prime minister Morrison to administer portfolios other than the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet,” a spokesman for the Governor-General’s official secretary said.

“The appointments were made consistently with section 64 of the Constitution.

“It is not uncommon for ministers to be appointed to administer departments other than their ­portfolio responsibility. These ­appointments do not require a swearing-in ceremony – the Governor-General signs an administrative instrument on the advice of the prime minister.”

As The Australian reports: "General Hurley could not point to any other examples of prime ministers secretly appointing themselves to other portfolios, and none of Mr Morrison’s portfolio changes appear to be included in the government’s official gazette as is normal practice."

So thus, it is now day 0 on the Days Since We Used The Phrase "Unprecedented" calendar

However things could have been worst.

At least Morrison didn't try to assign any portfolios to his pets like the notorious Roman emperor Caligula reportedly did back in the day (about 41 AD). Back then Caligula tried to appoint his horse to the Senate. He was assassinated before he could make it happen.

In news we should be focusing on

Australians will soon have access to homegrown Covid jabs following confirmation of a 10-year deal struck with Moderna - the vaccine Dolly Patron bankrolled.

The Prime Minister on Monday announced the finalisation of an agreement which will see an mRNA vaccine manufacturing facility built at Monash University in Melbourne.

“This significant deal will protect Australians and Australian sovereignty,” Mr Albanese said.

“One of the lessons of the pandemic is that we need to be more resilient, that we need to be more self-reliant and we need to make more things here.”

Today is an exciting day for Australian science, our innovative researchers and for public health. Soon we will making mRNA vaccines right here in Australia. pic.twitter.com/5vlUFIg7yT

— Anthony Albanese (@AlboMP) August 15, 2022

It'll produce about 100 million doses a year and will safeguard us against future variants.

Victorian Opposition leader's new strategy

Matthew Guy is a... guy (sorry) under a bit of pressure.

He's lost his chief of staff under a controversial donation cloud and other members of his team are fleeing his office like it's the beach in July.

The Artist Formerly Known as Victorian Opposition Leader Matthew Guy is now just "Matt Guy".

However, he's got a plan in order to topple Premier Daniel Andrews at the November state election.

He's changing his name, Prince style.

Matthew would now like to be referred to as "Matt", which is what he is referred to now in his press releases.

However, Guy rebuffed the name change during a press conference.

"I don’t mind, you can call me whatever you like," "Matt" told reporters.

Sources say research is now being conducted into whether he should be really radical and cut in a fringe to see if that may have more sway with voters than actual policies.

Dairy scream

Cow attack: We have responded to an incident involving a cow attacking a woman on Mamre Rd in Kemps Creek. The woman has been treated for head injuries and taken to Liverpool Hospital. #nswambulance

— NSW Ambulance (@NSWAmbulance) August 15, 2022

Yo, Timothy Weeks, Judas called and wants his robes back

On the one year anniversary of the Taliban taking control of Afghanistan after the fall of Kabul, women are bravely protesting in the streets risking injury, persecution or death, as they fight for the right to work and study.

@theoz.com.au

Almost a year on from the Taliban’s return to power, #Afghan women took to the streets of #Kabul to protest for the right to work and study. During the protest they were fired upon, but despite looking terrified this young woman repeats “I’m not afraid.” #repost @ yaldahakim on Instagram

♬ original sound - The Oz

Meanwhile, Australian academic and former Taliban hostage Timothy Weeks has returned.

Weeks was previously kidnapped at gunpoint and held captive for three years and begged the Australian government to save him. Which they did.

Now he's returned to Afghanistan to “celebrate” the regime which locked him up in the first place.

The militant fundamentalist Islamic group has “warm-heartedly welcomed” Weeks back to Kabul.

He said he has returned to Kabul to “complete my journey” of learning about Afghanistan.

“I am also coming to celebrate the one year anniversary of the governments of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, who I have stood behind. I spent three and a half years with Taliban soldiers and I saw these people in a light that nobody else has been able to do.”

Weeks, who has converted to Islam and is also known by his Muslim name Jibrael Umar, was photographed being embraced at the  airport by members of the Taliban.

His return - which contravenes Australia's travel and other sanctions with Afghanistan - comes as news that of Australia's 31,500 humanitarian visas for Afghans fleeing the country, only 5500 have been fulfilled since the fall of Kabul, leaving many families worried about loved ones left behind.

Today will remain as an open wound in our hearts that will never heal & it will hurt us every time when we see the torture of our brothers and sisters by the T.ban regime. To see our ppl in hunger & beg for a piece of bread to survive.A painful day for my country and my ppl 15/8

— Zaki Haidari (@ZakiHaidariAU) August 14, 2022

Signs Russia may be thawing

While Weeks was at the centre of a prisoner swap back in 2019, US basketballer and WNBA star Britteny Griner may be heading home after being sentenced to nine years in a Russian jail after reportedly being caught with hash oil in a vape at the airport early this year.

According to reports out of the US, the government is working on a prisoner exchange with Russia for Griner.

Russia has since confirmed the news - a big step.

“The discussions on the very sensitive topic of an exchange are proceeding via the channels chosen by our presidents,” Alexander Datchiev, the head of the North America department at the Russian Foreign Ministry, was quoted as saying by state news agency TASS.

“Silent diplomacy continues and should bear fruit if Washington, of course, is careful not to fall into propaganda.”

Griner's lawyers are set to appeal her conviction.

Meanwhile, back home her team mates accepted an Olympic gold medal gift on her behalf before tip off overnight. 

Olympic rings presented to Diana Taurasi, Brittney Griner, & Skylar Diggins-Smith prior to today's matchup 💍@DianaTaurasi & Skylar's mother accepted the rings on behalf of the gold medal trio 🧡 pic.twitter.com/p8gSvGFNnr

— WNBA (@WNBA) August 14, 2022

Statue to fall in Hobart

Hobart city council voted to tear down the statue of William Crowther on Monday night. It'll be the first monument of an Australian premier to be cancelled. 

“This is one small part of a discussion that is happening about truth telling,” Lord Mayor Anna Reynolds said after the vote. “Around the country … the community does want to take steps to have a much more honest and brave conversation about our colonial history.

“To make a decision to relocate this statue does not change history. We are making a new historic decision for our city… we’re saying we’re ready to have truth telling take prime position in our prime civic square.

“It’s a decision of leadership. It’s a decision of principle and it’s an important new chapter in our history.”

However, several historians had urged a delay on the vote, arguing further research was required before being able to conclude Crowther was guilty of the mutilation of a dead Aboriginal person - claims he denied. 

Kate Moss has a wellness brand and a Diet Coke deal

Coke fiend Kate Moss has had a big year.

Not only was she announced as the "UK creative director" of her favourite beverage Diet Coke...

But she's also launching a new wellness brand that will, reportedly, sell tea bags for $36. 

"Cosmoss" will launch soon, according to a preview by the Sunday papers in London, and sell a range of products to help us look and feel like the 48-year-old supermodel. 

According to The Mail On Sunday, "Kate's ideal rituals balance body and soul with the natural environment and the circadian cycles… The ritual of dawn focuses on preparing our body for the new day and filling it with positive energy."

That morning ritual is said to start with a cup of "dawn tea" which will "protect the body against toxins". 

Moss then cleanses her skin with a lotion set to cost about $94 to "remove impurities" and applies face cream to reduce wrinkles and ensure "well-rested skin" with lashings of $168 "golden nectar CBD face oil".

Afterwards she sprays a $123 "hypnotic sacred mist" to bring her "emotional balance and a sense of inner peace". 

A spokesperson for Moss said prices were still to be confirmed.

Either way, shut up and take my Super.