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Making news: Malinauskas steals McGowan's homework as King Charles stages a royal fire sale

All the news that's fit to mint.

Jenna ClarkeEditorial Director
6 min read
6:36PMOctober 17, 2022.
Updated 12:29PMOctober 18, 2022
The Oz

All the news that's fit to mint.

What's happening in (The) Oz:

🌧 Flooding is destroying living rooms and livelihoods

🍊 And water logging the national pantry

❤️‍🩹 Domestic violence will be extinct in a generation according to new "national plan"

🛫 Your next overseas holiday could be in limbo

🛬 And expensive

😲 Peter Malinauskas is the new George Costanza of the Federation

🐎 Charles is downsizing the royal household, starts in the stables

🤥 Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber prove sex no longer sells, bullshit does

Good morning!

So it's Tuesday, the worst day of the week.

However let's take some solace in the fact we're not in Liz Truss' position today.

If her tenure as British Prime Minister has been one long, laboured group assignment, someone swooped in last night and not only took all the credit but kicked her out of the Group Chat and left her name off the final submission.

The new Chancellor (their version of Treasurer) Jeremy Hunt has now reversed nearly every aspect of Truss’ "economic plan" in an extraordinary economic statement on Monday that was brought forward to calm the financial markets that were sinking like the Titanic. 

The tax cutting, low government approach by Truss - and supported by most conservative MP’s when they elected her as their new leader - has been now utterly abandoned as Hunt announced a reversal of the just announced tax cuts. 

The ferret didn't just reverse, it rewound so much it's now a kit.

Truss has said Margaret Thatcher is her greatest inspiration, instead her time in the top job is giving Nicola Murray.

More ironing board, than Iron Lady.

Speaking of tempests...

These floods are continuing to hurt and cripple large parts of the country. 

Conditions in Echuca and Shepparton appear to have stabilised, but thousands of properties in the area remain at risk and Echuca locals are bracing for a second flood peak on Wednesday.

In Rochester, around 85% of properties have been flooded and the sewerage system has been affected.

There are also evacuation orders in place for Bunbartha and Charlton.

The extent of damage to Victoria's roads is hectic. Premier Daniel Andrews has committed to spending $165 million on fixing the worst-affected roads and will pay landfill costs for those needing to dispose of their belongings ruined by the weather.

Treasurer Jim Chalmers also said the floods could have an impact on his Budget down the track after he hands it down in a week's time.

"It’s too early to gauge the full impact on the economy or on the budget of what we’re seeing right up and down eastern Australia," Chalmers said.

Economists, speaking to The Australian, said the flooding in NSW, Victoria and Tasmania will put further strain on the government’s capacity to shield households from "rampant inflation" and the Reserve Bank’s “whatever it takes” interest-rate policy response.

The cost of living crisis may deepen due to mass of water set to hit the Murray River, as the floods have already smashed the dairy industry in northern and central Victoria, fruit and vegetable farms and beef and cattle producers.

Due to the deluge, the prices of basic items like milk, fruit and veggies in already waterlogged areas of Victoria and southern NSW, may be hiked and supply could come close to being endangered.

The crisis has raised the likelihood of price increases around the country for apples and oranges, nuts and stone fruit, as well as meat and milk as the southeastern Australian flood disaster threatens to slash returns from the Murray Darling basin’s $22 billion food bowl.

Domestic violence ends with us

A  new national plan to eliminate violence against women and children will, eventually, measure the biggest crisis facing our nation.

However there are no targets and no new money has been allocated to help end DV which sees one women killed every 10 days at the hands of a partner or ex.

The federal government released the new National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children 2022–2032 on Monday, with survivors, experts, frontline services, states and territories all contributing to the plan that was collated by the Monash Gender and Family Violence Prevention Centre.

It's a plan to end domestic and sexual violence within one generation and includes a focus on achieving gender equality, as well as the importance of engaging men and boys.

Here's what it'll involve:

  • Advancing gender equality and addressing other forms of discrimination.
  • Changing attitudes to stop violence from happening before it starts through national prevention.
  • Effective early intervention.
  • Building the frontline sector workforce and ensuring support can be accessed everywhere.
  • Making sure tailored and culturally-safe support is accessible.
  • The need for person-centred services and better co-ordination. 

The "actions to implement the plan will be outlined in two supporting five-year plans" according to Social Services Minister Amanda Rishworth and Minister for Women Katy Gallagher - who both launched the plan alongside their state and territory counterparts on Monday. 

Rishworth said the 144-page document is a "blueprint".

"No amount of violence is acceptable and it is crucial that we talk honestly about some of the factors that contribute to violence against women and children, and what we will do to address some of the underlying causes," Gallagher said.

In conjunction with this plan, the federal government is also hoping to deliver a stand alone Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander National Plan.

It comes as the Senate inquiry into Missing and Murdered First Nations Women and Children, championed by WA Greens Senator Dorinda Cox, calls for submissions.

Might want to keep an eye on your holiday plans

If you've book an international jaunt in the coming weeks it may be cancelled.

Not by the spicy cough but due to spicer staff.

Airports around the country could be thrown into total chaos (yes it's possible things can actually get worse) after fire and rescue teams threatened to go on strike, demanding a 15% pay rise over three years.

The Airservices Australia employees are essential workers, and the Fair Work Commission has cleared them for take off to host a vote for staff to decide whether to stop work for up to an entire shift.

United Firefighters Union aviation branch chief Wes Garrett said international airlines would not operate to airports without a fire and rescue team.

If the strike goes ahead it would throw airports including Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane for a loop over the holiday break. Domestic carriers will also be reluctant to operate into airports without firefighting and rescue services.

Travel is set to bruise your Apple Pay Wallet too

If you're planning to spend Christmas overseas you could wind up paying almost double what you did before the pandemic ruined everything from our waistlines to way of life.

Travellers who are yet to book their Christmas flights can expect to pay international long-haul prices for a short trips over to New Zealand this festive season. Return airfares between Sydney and Auckland right now are going for about $1500-$2000.

Further afield, flights to the northern hemisphere have skyrocketed by nearly 50%, starting at about $4000. 

I think I've seen this film before

South Australia's Peter Malinauskas is copying the homework of fellow parochial premiers and slandering Melbourne and Sydney in a bid to remain popular at home.

A bold move from a leader who helms a state where the major attractions include balls in malls and booze. 

Malinauskas took a cheeky swipe at Australia’s two biggest cities, labelling both towns as “dead”.

He was promoting jobs at Atlassian during a press conference on Monday when he decided to talk down his eastern neighbours.

“I mean seriously, why would you want to live or work in Melbourne or Sydney where the cities are still dead,” he asked.

Another leader created in the likeness of McGowan... Australia should cancel the CGI kangaroo being used to flog our brand overseas and instead just hire some hermit crabs.

The King is not horsing around 

King Charles is going full Marie Kondo and is tossing our everything that once sparked so much joy for his late mother.

Charles is set to sell a dozen of the Queen’s favourite racehorses as he begins the “winding down” of racing operations amid a big royal shake-up.

A third of the horses inherited by the King will be sold at England’s famous Newmarket Tattersalls this month.

Before she died, the Queen owned 37 horses.

I call dibs on Emma.

Selena and Hailey "break the internet"

Justin Bieber's loves were photographed being civil at the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures’ second annual gala at the weekend.

The two, who apparently hate each other as Gomez dated Bieber before Hailey married him, reportedly "stunned fans" by posing for some cozy pictures.

Feuds, especially between women, have long been a wonderfully successful marketing ploy for famous people (👋🏻 Katy Perry and Taylor Swift).

Mrs Bieber recently appeared on the Call Her Daddy podcast lamenting the trolling she cops online from Gomez's unhinged fans and how the latter has never told them to stop.

Meanwhile the man meat in this sensationalist sandwich, Bieber himself hasn't copped the same amount of vitriol.

Either way the ladies have leaned into"when life gives you lemons" vibe by squeezing them often, extracting the bitterness and selling it to the world.

Lemonade is for novices, these two have million dollar make-up brands to promote and have found the best way to flog cosmetics is via superficial stoushes. 

Well played. 

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Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/the-oz/news/making-news-malinauskas-steals-mcgowans-homework-as-king-charles-stages-a-royal-fire-sale/news-story/92a343ed30023188203fc76736d72589