How to own your stuff ups

Like giving up your 'skinny jeans', saying sorry is the hardest thing to do.

Like giving up your 'skinny jeans', saying sorry is the hardest thing to do.

Labor leader Anthony Albanese may not  have read his brief when it came to citing key economic figures at his first press conference of the election campaign, but he did read the room by moving to quickly apologise for the error. 

While he stopped short of using the "s" word outright, he did show some contrition.

As we know, too often in politics (and life and love), sorry seems to be the hardest word, but Albanese set a new example, apologising just hours after he stumbled over the national unemployment rate and skipped questions about the Reserve Bank’s cash rate in an embarrassing political gaffe.

But instead of trying to gloss over the error, which politicians usually do, he fessed up. 

"I made a mistake. I'm human. But when I make a mistake, I'll fess up to it, and I'll set about correcting that mistake,” Albanese said.

The move was a marked difference from Scott Morrison who has had to be dragged kicking and screaming to sort-of-apologise on several occasions. Like about going on holiday to Hawaii during the Black Summer bushfires and Canberra's sexist culture. 

Research into the art of the apology and the making of mistakes (then the subsequent course correction) shows people do not learn from fumbles when they are shamed because of them. Which is alarming in this climate of "gotcha moments" with politicians and the predilection of cancel culture. 

In a study titled "Not Learning From Failure—the Greatest Failure of All", published by psychologists Lauren Eskreis-Winkler and Ayelet Fishbach, when mistakes interfere with self-esteem, people don't learn from them. 

"Failure is ego threatening, which causes people to tune out," Winkler and Fishbach found. "Participants learned less from personal failure than from personal success, yet they learned just as much from other people’s failure as from others’ success. Thus, when ego concerns are muted, people tune in and learn from failure."

Another way of saying this is that in situations where mistakes are not viewed as an opportunity for learning, failure threatens our self-esteem; and when our self-esteem is threatened, we stop learning.

The take-away is that in order for more people to learn from mistakes, and be genuinely sorry, society needs to maintain a consistent tolerance of mistakes in life, at work and in relationships, and the "rehabilitation process" following them.

Recently, Will Smith apologised to Chris Rock on Instagram after he slapped him at the Oscars, saying his behaviour was unacceptable and inexcusable.

"I would like to publicly apologise to you, Chris," he said in a statement. "I was out of line and I was wrong."

He did this after being given plenty of opportunities to do so publicly after winning an Oscar, accepting an Oscar and then partying all night at the Oscars after parties like nothing had happened.

In a sombre looking post written in white text on a black background more than 24-hours later, the actor said violence in all of its forms was poisonous and destructive."My behaviour at last night's Academy Awards was unacceptable and inexcusable. Jokes at my expense are a part of the job, but a joke about Jada's medical condition was too much for me to bear and I reacted emotionally,” Smith wrote.

Will Smith's mea culpa

The Instagram statement is also the preferred method for influencers and celebrities of varying grades when they fall out of the good graces of their fans. Like fashion designer Nadia Bartel did last year after footage of her snorting a white substance off a Kmart plate surfaced online.

“Hi Everyone, I have let you all down by my actions,” Bartel wrote on the statement which chalked up more than 30,000 likes.

“I take full responsibility and I am committed to taking all necessary steps to ensure I make better choices in future.

“To my family and friends, my business partners and the public health workers trying to keep us all safe, I am embarrassed and remorseful.

“I am truly and deeply sorry. I hope I can earn your forgiveness and, in time, your trust. Nadia.”

Nadia Bartel apologies online

At the end of the day, if you stuff up in life, your relationship, your job, hey, it happens, and you don’t need to call a press conference, "go away to educate yourself", come out publicly or craft a post to address it. 

However, as witnessed over and over again, sometimes when there is a spotlight of harsh lumen on you, one must atone. And most often, the people who need to do that are those who make a living off being "influential" online. 

Here's is The Oz's Influencer Apology Guide, as compiled by reporter Ellie Dudley...

There are a couple of steps involved to creating the perfect apology. Steps to make you seem authentic. To seem real. To help you maintain your follower count.

1. Use a plain background and plain text

No-one is going to believe your apology is authentic if they know it was put through a Canva template. The simpler the better, to truly get your point across.

2. Admit wrongdoing, and don't make excuses.

You gotta admit it. Ain't no follower going to believe an influencer who doesn't own up to their errors. 

I'll tell you whose apology went down like a sack of potatoes? Georgia Love's racist cat meme apology. You wanna know why? Because she began with "I meant for this to be a joke..."

3. Take a moment to "educate yourself" 

This one is important! Your followers need to know you are willing to put in time and effort to learn about the topic you colossally screwed up on. 

Whether or not you actually need to educate is another story. But your followers need to know you're at least thinking about it. 

4. Promise to "be better"

Again, whether or not you actually need to be better is up for debate. But state your intentions. 

5. Have a hiatus from social media

This experience has scarred you, and you want your followers to know that. Somewhere in here, you are the victim too. Take some time off your phone, lower your screen time, and eventually return to the feed with an ambiguous photos of some mountains a la Jade Tunchy.