Will the men who want to ~feel~ please stand up

A whole world of pleasure awaits, and the rest of society will be thankful for it.

A whole world of pleasure awaits, and the rest of society will be thankful for it.

"Whenever Brittany Higgins and Grace Tame decide to run on a joint ticket for office, I'm here for it. And Saxon Mullins can be Attorney-General."

If Higgins, Tame and Mullins run for public life, then Lucy Wark - the founder of sextech company NORMAL - should also run and be health minister.

Wark never set out to become the Esther Perel of sex for the new generation, it was more a carpe diem progression into the start-up and "sextech" space. After studying business and social sciences, like anthropology and psychology, at uni she moved into consultancy work with McKinsey.

She told The Oz the bedrock of NORMAL is really just a feeling of being fed up with the status quo around sex. 

"Like lots of young women, the experience of feeling the way pop culture represented sexuality wasn't really helpful and the sex education I got was a bit inadequate and figuring out my own journey of figuring out what I liked and getting comfortable with it," she said. 

NORMAL is a company on a mission to revolutionise intimacy, sexual relations and how we interact with each other. 

It was a concept that started as a mere curious kernel when Wark couldn't find any comprehensive or contemporary guide for exploring sexuality and learning more than just the "birds and the bees". There's a whole erotic ecosystem to explore and NORMAL aims to do that.

Wark then teamed up with certified sex coach Georgia Grace to help others deal with intimate issues and normalise the conversations around wellness and safe sex.

Lucy Wark and Georgia Grace. Together they have developed the "Modern Guide To Sex", aimed at educating people about consent. Picture: Ryan Osland

Where "adult stores" used to be painted as paper bag porn palaces funded by humiliation and fuelled by shame, Wark set out, and has successfully, reinvented the sex store. NORMAL is a one-stop shop for not only toys but teaching material.

"It's a shift away from being 'porny and corny' to something that is a bit more direct and fun," she said.

Yes, the teal wave came hard and fast Saturday night. But no matter who you voted for, it’s time for us to ‘come together’ - in the words of our new Prime Minister. We’re discounting all products (red, blue, teal & more) because we believe in Albo’s vision for a united Australia. pic.twitter.com/6gdL22lU7a

— Lucy Wark (she/her) (@lucywark) May 23, 2022

It's a business that integrates engaging education - you can take a three-minute quiz to see what kind of vibrator may suit you - with tips on how to talk and think about sex in easy, fun and informative ways.

NORMAL also offers a free, online "sex ed" course. The Modern Guide to Sex aims to combat misinformation and prejudice in sex education in Australia. But most importantly it helps give you the heads up (sorry) on everything you missed in school, things like pleasure anatomy, how arousal and desire work, consent, communication, safe sex, pain during sex, porn and pop culture, mental health and sex and libido mismatch.

With the new government, and newly instated health, education and women's ministers, Wark would like to see them move the dial on how we prevent, instead of just triage, the violence occurring in our private lives. 

"Sexual assault and domestic violence need to start being seen as public health crises and worked on in the same way we worked on smoking and drink driving. We need to look at things as our culture, the types of behaviours that it endorses, the types of behaviours we look past and the types of things we glorify, or the types of things we laugh at, all of those are shaping what people see as 'ok' attitudes and contribute to the types of behaviours that lead to those experiences," Wark said.

One of the brand's biggest achievements is the "big Australian sex survey". It's not surprising that Wark would engage in this area given her background in sociology, but it's a fascinating and evolving piece of research that has not only opened the company up to more revenue streams but it has given the team an insight into how dire the state of sex ed and awareness is in Australia.

The survey set out to speak to more than 1000 Australians - from Gen Z, Milennials, Boomers and even beyond - to better understand the nation's thoughts on sex, sexuality and pleasure.

The results were both insightful and sad.

"Older generations have completely missed out on critical lessons. Around 40% of female baby boomers and 50% of male baby boomers said they never received formal sex education on any of the topics we asked about. On stuff like how pregnancy occurs, contraception, STIs, legal responsibilities around consent, how to discuss consent, respectful relationships, the difference between pornography and “real” sex, and LGBTQ+ sex," Wark said. 

Wark said the new consent laws installed in NSW were a step in the right direction but more needs to be done, but it's men - those with penises and hetero blokes - who are falling between the cracks in all of these new areas that are now being canvassed more broadly and openly in public forums.

"Male pleasure is rarely ever discussed in the same way we speak of pleasure of women," Wark said.

According to NORMAL's research, rates of orgasm faking are actually higher among young males than young females.

Wark believes that the next focus for advocates should be on heterosexual and cisgender men and their sexual wellness.

"The first wave of brands in this space have often spoken to women or people with vulvas, or even the queer community, who have been early adopters of changes in these spaces. Anytime we do anything that is speaking to straight, cis men, we get this enormous response," Wark said.

"When we do events with their partners -mainly straight, ciswomen - what we hear is 'I've actually tackled my issues. I feel empowered. I've educated myself about the g-spot and the clitoris. I am comfortable being responsible for my own pleasure but can you please talk to my partner'," she said. 

"Those 'partners' usually go back to their mates, the pressure that they feel in their working life, a lot of modern masculinity can be really confusing and isolating. That combination of not wanting to veer into the more toxic forms of misogyny and toxic masculinity, that we see a lot of, but also not knowing what it looks like to be different and still feel comfortable, and still feel able to be yourself.

"We need to start speaking directly to men, giving men role models and conversations that they don't have with their friends. What we hear, tonnes of times, is so many women say 'my friend recommended you to me' but it's really rare for men to say 'I have these conversations with my friends'.

"I get the sense they're not given role models and ways of being. They're not spoken to directly and also the conversation about pleasure for people with penises is often limited partly because the way our culture teaches us to have sex means that most people with penises will find it easier to have an orgasm but there's no discussion about: 'Was this a good or bad experience?', 'Would you like it to be different?', 'Are there different ways you'd like to be having sex?', 'Would you like to explore other sexual sensation?'

Warks says these issues are often treated "simplistically and humourously and you can't achieve the type of change that you want if you are only talking to half the population."

Lucy will appear at Vogue Codes Campus on Wednesday, June 8, presented by Optus will stream live, and free, to everyone.

Register here vogue.com.au/vogue-codes