Why on earth should I care about the Budget?
It's a minute to midnight for the new government's most important policies.
It's a minute to midnight for the new government's most important document of its short tenure.
It's me. Hi.
I'm the bookish type who lives for Budget.
It's me.
We had Midnights for fun on Friday and tomorrow we get numbers for nerds.
But it'll probably be more anti-climax than Anti-Hero. More shit than vigilante.
"Budget" conjures up scientific calculators and words like "gross debt" and "we're allocating money for ants" (Budget papers 4, 2019-20, not kidding).
Here's the thing with the books, unlike press conferences, interviews, Question Time and panels with politicians - the annual papers are where the good, gritty, raw stuff is.
The truth of the state of the nation in black, white and a lot of red right now. No matter how much they try, you can't spin numbers. They can only contextualise decisions, and context will be important on Tuesday.
There's a theory they (👀 politicians) make it sound complicated and boring so we tune out but now's a time we should probably tune in.
We've got a brand new government dealing with issues that have really ramped up since they took office in May.
PREVIOUSLY ON #AUSPOL: A greasy fry-up of the numbers as we dissect Budget night drama
The Ukraine crisis is going to have a massive impact on Europe's energy needs as they head into winter, meaning Australia may be called upon to ramp up our export quantities of coal and gas.
These resources have actually delivered a Lotto win of sorts for the economy. Due to demand the prices of commodities like coal, gas and iron ore have gone off meaning Australia has pocketed an extra $100 billion.
Money which the government is going to sink into pensions, fixing the NDIS and the crook aged care sector. Activities that'll cost about $33 billion.
Inflation is on the boil, affordable houses are as rare as Hermes Birkins and interest rates are starting to squeeze.
Four states are dealing with floods. Some places, like Lismore, are now on notice to evacuate their homes again for the third time this year.
Meanwhile the world is well and truly in Scorpio season - chaotic energy is more prolific than base load power in Europe thanks to Russian's war, the US economy is teetering on recession, China continues to bare its teeth and a lettuce lasted longer than the most recent British PM, Liz Truss.
Remember Covid? The pandemic cost the national accounts about $1 trillion. Which will see kids born today potentially still paying for our JobSeeker payments.
Debt isn't great, especially when it's plus size while the economy is shrinking like a Hollywood starlet hogging Ozempic.
"Too much debt means other line items that government revenue in the future would have otherwise funded will be allocated less money," Professor of Economics at UNSW Business School Gigi Foster said.
“This means less money spent in the future on schools, roads, hospitals, and everything else that we value and that we look to governments to provide (at least in part). So, racking up more debt today implies diminished spending tomorrow on everything other than paying back the debt. This diminished spending means a lower quality of life for future generations,” she said.
However, other economists say as long as Australia can "service" debt, she'll be apples. For the foreseeable future.
Treasurer Jim Chalmers is set to hand down the new Albanese government's first Budget in Canberra on Tuesday.
"It'll be solid, it'll be sensible, it'll be suited to the times," Chalmers said on Sunday.
But why should young Australians, especially SINKs - those who are considered "single income with no kids", care about this Budget that sounds more like a family SUV instead of a fresh set of eyes on the economy?
Thinking about a baby?
There's an extension of paid parental leave payments incoming.
The government is going to increase the income threshold from $156,000 of the "primary bread winner" to a combined amount of $350,000 per couple making it cheaper for families - even those considered making bank - to access childcare.
Paid parental leave will be extended from 18 weeks to 26 weeks by 2025, that'll help 180,000 couples thinking about getting off birth control.
Why do more upwardly mobile people need concessions? Essentially, so they can hustle harder.
"It good for families and good for the economy because it makes it easier to work more and earn more if they want to," Chambers said.
The opposition loves this idea too.
"We very strongly support the changes... they were announced in our last Budget," shadow Treasurer Angus Taylor said.
PREVIOUSLY ON #AUSPOL: Government realises women are good workers
Want a pay rise?
Wages in Australia have been stagnant for the past 10 years.
Chalmers said he's going to try and administer a financial laxative to payrolls around the country.
“A big part of our thinking, as we put the finishing touches on the budget, is that wages are about cost of living too,” Chalmers said.
“We’ve had almost a decade now of stagnant wages. That’s because that was a deliberate design feature of our predecessors’ economic policy. We take a different approach.”
The devil will be in the detail on what that approach will be however as he said on Sunday "real wages" won't change, and may even go backwards, until 2024 or 2025 at the earliest thanks to stuff getting so damn expensive.
Two years is how long the Reserve Bank reckons it'll take for the inflation infection to calm down.
Your Fishbowl and coffee will start costing more soon
Chalmers said the floods impacting "large swathes" of the country right now is going to ultimately flush through the economy.
Not only will fresh fruit and veggies become super expensive but the regions which produce our food being waterlogged will set back the nation's output and ability to pay back debt.
“It is too early for us to put a very precise price tag on the flooding that we’re seeing through such large swathes of Australia,” he said.
“We need to remember here that we are talking about some of the best producing land in the world, producing a lot of groceries for domestic consumption but also for export.
“What’s happening here to these areas is particularly cruel I think, given how close many of these farms were to producing what was expected to be a bumper crop.”
Still not convinced this Budget business is for you? No worries we'll get another go of it in May next year.
Meghan Markle’s favourite face gym is opening in Australia, Greta Thunberg publishes Andrew Tate’s contact details
All the news that's fit to mint.
Emily Ratajkowski joins the competitive world of online dating, Nick Kyrgios quits at the last minute
All the news that's fit to mint.