New Harry Styles film 'flunks colossally'

Should he be a leading man? Probably not. Would anyone have watched My Policeman if he wasn't the leading man? Almost definitely not.

Should he be a leading man? Probably not. Would anyone have watched My Policeman if he wasn't the leading man? Almost definitely not.

Can Harry Styles actually act? 

It's a question that's tortured me intermittently since 2017's Dunkirk. 

One I hoped would be resolved with the release of My Policeman. 

Until this point, whether or not Styles has acting chops has been murky business. 

Dunkirk confirmed what we already knew (he looks good on camera), but it wasn’t a performance-driven film. Styles’ essentially silent role gave us little to work with. Though, kudos where kudos is due: he held his own (read: his presence was unobtrusive) amongst greats like Kenneth Branagh, Tom Hardy, and Cillian Murphy. 

Back in Dunkirk

Then there was his role as the tap-dancing patriarch in Don’t Worry Darling. If we’re being generous, we can chalk up his bizarro cockney-cum-transatlantic accent to Olivia Wilde’s, erm, outré creative vision. Plus, it’s gotta suck being cast alongside resolute up-stager Florence Pugh.

This brings us to My Policeman. The, ring-a-ding-ding, decider. This is Michael Grandage’s cut-and-dry, character-based drama. There’s no perverse styling to hide behind in this weepy period piece. It all comes down to the performance.

I must disclose that Harry Styles is going into this with two advantages: 

1. I saw a fringe theatre production last night, so the barometer for “good acting” has been set comfortably low. 
2. He was my second favourite member of One Direction (behind our fallen Zayn), and I still feel some residual goodwill.

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My Policeman, an adaptation of the 2012 novel by Bethan Roberts, tracks a love triangle that spans two timelines, switching between the 1950s and the 1990s.

Styles portrays Tom, a closeted, simple and warm constable, based on the real-life lover of author E.M. Forster. Tom begins a (painfully slow) courtship with Marion (The Crown’s Emma Corrin) a local teacher who (like the audience) is frustrated by the glacial pace that their relationship is moving. Tom introduces Marion to Patrick (David Dawson), a cultured museum creator who forms a close bond with them both. But, unbeknownst to Marion… the bond between Tom and Patrick is closer than it seems (except not really, because it’s completely obvious). It’s the 50s, and being gay is illegal. Tom is in denial and hides his sexuality — joking about ‘homosexuals’ with his fellow boys in blue.

Stories about being gay and born at the wrong time in history make for potent, heart-rending art. How I've wept to Brokeback Mountain and Maurice. In the case of My Policeman, you won't be feeling much at all.

Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain (2005).

The film opens in 90s, with the older version of these characters: Tom (Linus Roache) and Marion (Gina McKee) both retired and living in a seaside town in the late stages of a joyless marriage. Their ennui is interrupted by the arrival of their estranged friend Patrick (Rupert Everett), who is bedridden after suffering a stroke.

Marion harbours guilt about something and takes on the role of Patrick’s carer. Tom could be less thrilled about the new tenant and refuses to see him. And My Policeman revolves around unknotting why the pair are reacting the way that they are to the sick, testy man in their house; what happened in the past to cause the pain, self-reproach, and bitterness of the present?

The film relies on connecting the characters of the past and of the present. It flunks colossally. There is no believable continuity between the younger and older incarnations: McKee’s serene, older Marion is unrecognisable with the young, fretty Corrin; and it’s difficult to believe that Styles’ open-hearted, affable Tom became the lethargic, icy man we see in Roache. 

It’s a compelling concept imagined as a mind-numbingly dull movie.

The feeble script never punctures the surface and fails to add any depth to its characters. It’s riddled with visual clichés — think lingering shots of hands to show that time has passed, like the kind you’d see in a life insurance advertisement. The piano-led score is uncomfortably saccharine. Nothing feels new here.

Harry Styles and Emma Corrin in My Policeman.

There is no chemistry between our younger trio of actors. Watching them try to navigate each other feels like a group interview roleplay assignment. Corrin, who was excellent in The Crown, is unusually stilted (in their defence, their character is tragically underwritten.) Dawson is slightly better, there’s a gilded charm to him plucked out of the Merchant Ivory playbook.

And Styles? Our poor little lost lamb. His awkwardness is palpable. You get the feeling he’s trying to remember his lines right before he says them. His accent is over-enunciated and all over the shop. There’s no trace of that uninhibited, capital C charisma we see on stage. To his credit, he does not give the worst performance in the film — and there are rare moments where he seems relaxed, and his charm peaks through. But mostly, he's monotonous and self-conscious. 

It is rare that a musician makes a successful leap into acting — Eminem pulled it off with Eight Mile, and Alana Haim was mesmerising in Licorice Pizza — but even the most talented populace of the music industry (Beyoncé, Madonna) have all floundered on screen. 

So, can Harry Styles act? Eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He's no leading man and bit off more than he could chew with this role. I don't think he'll ever reach the heights of say, Cher in Moonstruck, but there's something endearing about his on-screen presence. 

Does it matter? To the people financing these films, certainly not. Get Harry's bare buttocks on film and fans will come out in droves. 

Where to from now? I suspect Styles will be more comfortable in his next role: he's been cast as Eros in a forthcoming Marvel Cinematic Universe film. No better training wheels than reciting corny writer's room jokes in front of a green screen.

Harry Styles' roles ranked:

1. The character ‘Marcel’ in the 'Best Song Ever' music video
2. His surreal cameo in iCarly where he is struck down with “jungle worms” after drinking from Miranda Cosgrove's water bottle
3. His impersonation of Mick Jagger on Saturday Night Live
4. The combined sex scenes in Don’t Worry Darling and My Policeman
5. His stoic role in the critically acclaimed (booo!) Dunkirk
6. My Policeman (probably)
7. Don’t Worry Darling (sorry)

My Policeman is out on Prime today.