Rudd or Raphael

A LONGTIME Strewth operative was browsing in a bookshop in Melbourne's Bourke Street yesterday when he happened on a certain classical music-loving former prime minister.

A LONGTIME Strewth operative was browsing in a bookshop in Melbourne's Bourke Street yesterday when he happened on a certain classical music-loving former prime minister.

Emboldened by a couple of lunchtime chardonnays, our mole approached Paul Keating to discuss the relative merits of Gustav Mahler's first and fourth symphonies, and other such highbrow matters. All was going well until a particular stack of books caught the eye of PJK. The prime ministerial hand reached out, and for a breathtaking moment it stretched towards a copy of comrade Kevin Rudd's Jasper and Abby and the Great Australia Day Kerfuffle. Could it be that Keating would deign to flick through a children's picture book? But just as it looked like a royalty cheque would be coming the way of K. Rudd, Keating composed himself. He reached over the stack of Rudd's kiddie book to grab a heavy tome titled Italian Renaissance and strode to the counter. And with that, everything was again in its rightful place.

Tawdry jewel

IT was shambolic, amateur, pathetic, tawdry and drunken -- so on the face of it, had all the makings of a pretty good night out. But given that the event was one of the crowning jewels of the Sydney Festival's program, the Rogue's Gallery show in the Opera House forecourt on Thursday night was a debacle of the highest order that left thousands of angry punters regretting their decision to shell out $145 for a ticket. Of the 16 or so performers who took to the stage to sing pirate ballads, sea songs and shanties, a fair few appeared to be doing very accurate impersonations of drunken sailors, and others made no attempt to hide the fact that they had under-rehearsed for the gig. To be fair, beautiful performances from Aussie Sarah Blasko and Irish chanteuse Camille O'Sullivan ensured the night wasn't a complete disaster. But the lowlight was the effort of British songstress Marianne Faithfull, who forgot the words to a song about the first convicts travelling to Australia, and had to rely on sheet music to get her through to the end of her set. The distant rumbling that could be heard at the end of her song was the sound of several hundred convicts rolling over in their graves.

A million voters lost

THERE are a few random facts about this country that every Prime Minister should know -- Don Bradman's batting average, the words to the second verse of the national anthem, and the population of Australia. Now, while we are sure that Kevin Rudd would be able to reel off The Don's average, and no doubt sings a mean and complete version of Advance Australia Fair, it was surprising to learn that he does not know how many people actually live in this country. "We are currently a population of 21 million," the PM confidently told Kerry O'Brien on The 7.30 Report on Thursday night. Actually, Australia has had a population of over 22 million for the past six months. As of last night, our population was 22,133,141.

Brits win, Scots lose

IF Andy Murray manages to win the Australian Open tomorrow night, he will be the first British man to win one of the tennis tour's major tournaments since Fred Perry won Wimbledon in 1936. But if the Scotsman does hold the trophy aloft, it could be a bittersweet moment for English fans, who for much of the past decade cheered in vain as Englishman Tim Henman strove to be the Brit to break the 74-year drought. One comment to The Sun's website summed it up: "He [Murray] is British when he wins, and Scottish when he loses . . ."

Agassi in this life

AND given it is the biggest weekend on the Australian tennis calendar, we bring you this gem from four-time Australian Open winner Andre Agassi's autobiography Open. "Just as cigar and pipe smoke lingers in the memory after playing Roland Garros, the hazy memory of playing in a giant kiln stays with you for weeks after you leave Melbourne. I also enjoy the Australian people, and they apparently enjoy me. I must have been an Aborigine in another life. I always feel at home here."

It's not so bad

STEVE Fielding has spent the past couple of days on Christmas Island inspecting facilities at the detention centre. And judging from a postcard-media release he sent from the island yesterday, it sounds like he is having a whale of a time. "Facilities on Christmas Island are pretty good and look more like a motel than a detention centre," reported the Family First senator. "Detainees on the island get good accommodation, great food, phone and internet access . . ." Strewth wonders whether the detainees enjoyed Fielding's visit as much as he did.

Olivia hockey mum

NO matter how many Nintendo advertisements she does, Olivia Newton-John will always be Sandra Dee in Strewth's eyes. But the star of Grease , who hasn't appeared in a film in almost a decade, is set to co-star in a movie musical about Canada's favourite sporting pastime. Newton-John will play the mother of a teen ice hockey sensation in Score: A Hockey Musical, which begins shooting in Toronto next week. She will also co-write and perform a song for the film's final credits, along with Canadian singer-songwriter Marc Jordan, who plays the hockey dad.