Normally the professional hand-wringers reserve Australia Day for cultural iconoclasm, but this year they are getting in early. According to Shane Howard, our national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, is racist. The former member of the band Goanna, claims it is an “anthem … written for a white Australia that is irrelevant, or should be.”
His comments follow the actions of a Brisbane schoolgirl, Harper Nielsen, 9, who last week staged a protest by refusing to stand for the anthem at assembly on the basis the anthem’s lyrics “we are young” supposedly marginalises the indigenous population. “The reason why I don’t sing it or stand is because Advance Australia Fair means advance White Australia,” she said.
Harper: "I don't think I should be made to leave the room or do something different because I have different beliefs." #TheProjectTV pic.twitter.com/e7NoeNeLmu
— The Project (@theprojecttv) September 12, 2018
Harper, Howard fulsomely said, “gave us all a lesson in truth and kicked our backsides to move forward.” One Nation leader and senator Pauline Hanson labelled her a “brat” and called for her expulsion from school. I do not know which is the most ludicrous: a songwriter heralding a nine-year-old as the country’s moral conscience or a politician rousing on a young child for political activism. Whatever the case things have not been this ridiculous since 2009 when then Prime Minister Kevin Rudd mawkishly urged Australians to heed the urgings of “Little Gracie”, a six year old who implored he act on climate change.
Harper: (on the national anthem) "I feel we should respect the Indigenous people and their culture... we should include them." #TheProjectTV pic.twitter.com/joWhxaS7nB
— The Project (@theprojecttv) September 12, 2018
Perhaps the worst thing about Harper’s protest is that it has given the more irritating and verbose commentators an excuse to talk about themselves and how precocious their young selves were. “That nine year old girl you all hate,” tweeted Jane Caro, best known for being the leading drone of ABC’s The Drum.
That nine year old girl you all hate? She sounds just like me at the same age. I admire her courage and she will be a force to be reckoned with. You go, girl.
— Jane Caro (@JaneCaro) September 12, 2018
“She sounds just like me at the same age. I admire her courage and she will be a force to be reckoned with. You go, girl.” Talk about self-indulgence.
“I ditched Church of England Sunday School aged around 10,” tweeted ABC broadcaster Wendy Harmer.
I ditched Church of England Sunday School aged around 10.
— Wendy Harmer (@wendy_harmer) September 13, 2018
Was read a list of who was at the Last Supper and asked: "Where are the ladies?" Out the back heating the urn? Making sandwiches...As per usual in country Aus in the 60s ?
Getting no satisfactory answer,
never went back. https://t.co/hsri6u10YT
“Was read a list of who was at the Last Supper and asked: “Where are the ladies?” Out the back heating the urn? Making sandwiches …” Fairfax writer Wendy Squires praised the actions of Harper, effortlessly seguing to an anecdote about her nine year old self taking issue with scripture teachings. “I believe this incident made me the free-thinking and self-possessed woman with a strong sense of justice I am today,” she wrote. “And I applaud my young self for having the guts to do so.” Could this self-praise be any more cringeworthy?
You have to wonder what the response would be from our self-styled progressives had Harper been an activist of the conservative persuasion. For example, let’s just consider the hypothetical case of ‘Tabitha’, a confident nine-year-old who attends school in inner-city Melbourne. We begin with a note from her teacher to Tabitha’s parents.
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Dear Mr and Ms Smith,
Just letting you know of a minor hiccup today involving Tabitha which I am sure we’ll be able to work through. It took place at the school’s ‘welcome to country’ ceremony. As you know it is customary to invite the traditional custodians of the land each year for the school’s opening ceremony. Unfortunately this was marred by Tabitha asking the elders whether they had a commercial arrangement with the Department of Education for providing these ceremonies. Furthermore, she cast doubt on this ceremony being an ancient custom, instead claiming the practice was “invented” by Ernie Dingo in the 1970s. I have also had to remind Tabitha not to roll her eyes when class begins each day with an acknowledgement of country.
I am confident that by working together we can guide Tabitha down the learning path towards mutual respect and showing tolerance for all.
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Regrettably there has been another lapse in Tabitha’s behaviour. It began innocuously enough with an assignment the fourth grade was given on the subject of indigenous studies. The students were asked to write about what life was like for indigenous people prior to the British invasion. All the students wrote positively about this romantic lifestyle — all except for Tabitha. In her research she cited the alleged observations of a First Fleet officer, Watkin Tench, who claimed that indigenous men treated women with a “savage barbarity”. I informed Tabitha this was grossly offensive, and that in any event truth is a relative concept. Also, Tench was a white male and thus his views are irrelevant. Her response was to make an acidic remark about logical fallacies and first peoples sitting around a fire singing ‘Kumbaya’.
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Tabitha’s behaviour has become intolerable. In class today we discussed the many ways in which conservative governments and media demonise asylum-seekers who flee persecution and seek refuge on our shores. She responded by claiming many of these unfortunates were “opportunistic economic migrants”. I took issue with this and reminded her that it is not an offence to seek asylum, but she instead referred me to the Migration Act 1958, saying it was unlawful for non-citizens to arrive without a visa. Her attitude is causing disruption among her fellow students, some of whom have even said she has a point.
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I’ve just about had it with your daughter. This was a simple assignment: draw what you think is the future for Australia’s energy needs. Not hard. We’re talking wind turbines, solar panels, anything in the way of renewables. But not Tabitha. Oh no. She had to draw a nuclear reactor. I reminded her of the Fukushima disaster, whereupon she eyed me disdainfully and told me that — geographically — we live in the most stable continent and have an abundance of uranium. I asked her how she proposed to curb carbon emissions and she facetiously said we could cut this by 50 per cent today simply by banning David Suzuki and Tim Flannery from flying to international gabfests. Her attitude leaves much to be desired.
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Make that ‘Your daughter’s attitude really sucks’. You know what she said today when I talked about binary pronouns and how poorly they reflect the fluidity of gender? She insisted there were only two genders. When I asked her why she was so prejudiced she flippantly said “Don’t you believe in biology, Miss?” Getting *this* close, I warn you.
- I never thought I’d say this but — BRING BACK CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN THE CLASSROOM! Here I am trying to educate the class about the religion of peace, and your daughter bursts out laughing derisively. I remonstrated with her about Islamophobia and hate speech, and she responded by saying “Miss, these are vacuous and meaningless labels created by censors under the guise of tolerance to manipulate the gullible.” I’m absolutely beside myself at the thought of what she might say when the Race Discrimination Commissioner presents at Harmony Day tomorrow.
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Just imagine the outcry if Tabitha were for real. The tolerance tartars would be insisting her parents were indoctrinating her; the local social workers would create a file with her name on it along with a big red flag; and some imbecilic Greens politician would be asking whether the state as opposed to the mother and father should be the primary carers of the child.
As for Advance Australia Fair, one can only say it was matter of time that bourgeois concepts such as respect for country and flag were declared to be an offensive anachronism. Without question the anthem is a covert means for signalling white supremacy, for it does not mention Chinese, Indians, Somalians, or Eskimos for that matter. It does not mention white people either, but the song implies Anglo-Saxon hegemony by default. In order to address this injustice I propose a revised set of lyrics that best describe contemporary Australia. Sing along with me, folks:
Australians let us flagellate
It’s the land of a-par-theid
We’re stained with sins of forefathers
We’ve committed genocide
Our land is one we desecrate
Old white men are the pits
Let’s all bemoan their legacy and sing ‘They all are shits’.
Beneath our radiant Southern Cross
A game is underway
To see who is the holiest
‘I’m so virtuous’ they say
I’m for ABC and carbon tax / I utter platitudes
You’ll see my type on Q and A
From me the good exudes
I’m a pompous and self-righteous git
But from me the good exudes
My life’s about how much I care
Today it’s refugees
The indigenous and climate change
So many categories
I live for social media / On there I will proclaim
‘Oh my country, what’s wrong with thee’ / ‘You cause me so much shame’
Oh woe-is-me and my country / ‘Australia I’m ashamed’
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