Christopher Pyne needs to up his political game in 2018

Christopher Pyne should lose the smirk. Picture: Gary Ramage.

Trying to figure out just what makes Christopher Pyne tick is a task way beyond the powers of mere mortals. There is no better companion for lunch or dinner than this man. He is intelligent, witty and has a wealth of general knowledge.

At lunch he is entertaining and fun to be with. He can also be the most frustrating and annoying politician in the entire nation. He can speak the greatest load of rubbish, sound like he believes it, but can’t help allowing the hint of a smirk at the same time. It is as if he is not wanting us to take his message seriously, which is pretty easily done given some of the nonsense he comes up with.

As Manager of Government Business, he has to take on the tough-guy role. Despite his best efforts to be really nasty the smirk makes me believe that he only believes some of what he has to say. He would be far better off being directly funny because there can be no doubt that he has a delightful sense of humour.

At a time when politicians are being regarded with deep suspicion, bordering on abhorrence, it is time to call in the plastic surgeons. Christopher Pyne must be de-smirked and it must be done soon.

His attempts at boasting at a factional dinner last year came a cropper in awful fashion.

Whenever you speak before a few hundred people you are often assured by the organisers that ‘Chatham House’ rules apply. This is supposed to mean that every person attending is honourable and trustworthy as well as discreet. No word of what you say will ever pass their lips when the function is over and the crowd disperses.

Only a mug could believe that is so. On the presumption that anyone who has reached the dizzy heights in politics like our Christopher could not be a total mug, you are left with the question ‘what was he thinking?’.

The Trump-like boasts about the influence of the moderate faction have not panned out how the moderates would have wanted anyway. Nowadays, the two closest colleagues who are constantly in the PM’s ear are Peter Dutton and Mathias Cormann, both champions of the dreaded Right and interestingly enough neither of whom voted for Turnbull in the contest with Tony Abbott. Dutton has gone form offering his resignation after that ballot to being promoted to the most inner circles of the Turnbull government.

The level of mean-spirited partisanship shown by Pyne is extraordinary. This week he is calling on Bill Shorten to pressure Susan Lamb, the MP for the marginal Queensland seat of Longman, to resign from Parliament and have her longer-term fate decided by the High Court. Given that Jason Falinski on the Liberal side looks every bit as doubtful as anyone in the Labor side, it is sad that all you hear from Pyne in a lower house restored after the by-election wins of Barnaby Joyce and John Alexander, is to refer to the High Court only those on the Labor side with questions about their citizenship.

Apparently, Pyne and Turnbull do not care at all whether the Parliament of Australia is properly constituted or not. They only care about hanging on to government by hook or by crook. Surely it must be possible for the major parties to get together and refer all those who may be in strife on dual citizenship to the High Court. Given the precedent set by Joyce staying in the Cabinet, let alone Parliament, nobody would need to resign until the High Court delivered its findings.

Christopher, all can be forgiven if you can summon up the honesty and the courage to put this proposition to Labor.

For all those people who dissed my sand castle efforts last year, feast your eyes on this baby. Obviously modelled on the Schönbrunn Palace. 🏰 #auspol pic.twitter.com/OjhXoFnthS

— Christopher Pyne (@cpyne) January 5, 2018

Last week Pyne tweeted a picture of a sand castle he had meticulously constructed with his family. I tweeted back that the Liberal castle was vulnerable to a Labor siege. Unless there is a dramatic turn of events, that long siege will end sometime in the New Year and Christopher Pyne will have a lot more time to build his castles.