Mad reality takes hold in Las Vegas

WE were somewhere around Strip Steak on the edge of the Boulevard when the alcohol began to take hold.

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WE were somewhere around Strip Steak on the edge of the Boulevard when the alcohol began to take hold. I remember saying something like, "I feel a bit lightheaded: maybe you should drive." And suddenly we were in a room full of what appeared to be 70,000 wild animals, all screeching, swooping and screaming.

That was the tableaux that we encountered at the Barrett-Jackson Las Vegas auction with 675 cars, 70,000 bidders, $32 million worth of sales, plus Siegfried & Roy, Clay Walker, Mike Tyson, Bryan Singer and, best of all, Playperson Playmate of the Year (2012) Jaclyn Swedberg.

The Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino is like the Sistine Chapel of Las Vegas, if the Sistine Chapel had a 4.5ha water feature with wave pools. The Moorea pool is where people of the same gender as Jaclyn can swim topless. Plus, there's 24 restaurants and nine bars, including the tastefully named Eyecandy Lounge.

My Portuguese photographer, Lacerda, was not too interested in the miles of muscle cars Craig Jackson, chairman and CEO of the Barrett-Jackson Auction Company, had lined up. But he was extremely interested in the equipment on show at Moorea. I, on the other hand, found it hard to avoid the musical charms of Clay Walker, that author (Jesus Was a Country Boy) and singer (If I could make a living and hypnotise the moon) who opened the three days of auto love and loathing with some western ditties.

After a boot load of free imitation champagne, we moved inside to sample some of the 33 drinking opportunities. While the drive from Los Angeles was weird enough, the interior of the Mandalay was like strolling through the nine circles of hell, but with arctic air-conditioning replacing the fires.

Unfortunately, we got caught at Fat Tuesday's because, in the interests of all things automotive, we began sampling the 190 Octane cocktail. A subtle blend of 190 proof grain spirit and the healing powers of orange juice, this drink could easily power three Apollo rockets to Saturn and back.

Perhaps this was why we missed the sale of the white 2012 Shelby GT500 with the 2013 Super Snake upgrade for $500,000. Former truck driver Donny Damon bought the car, as he did about 19 others. Donny is a Powerball winner who knows what to do with his money.

Also sold for charity was a 2012 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Penske Racing Dodge Charger donated by team owner Roger Penske. Driven in the series by Brad Keselowski, the car sold for $510,000. You remember Brad. He is the driver the legendary Kyle Busch called stupid this year for allegedly taking him out of a race. You have to feel sorry for both of them; Brad has only earned $55m in his racing career and Kyle a paltry $25m.

What I remember, apart from the reunion of Siegfried & Roy (they retired in 2010), were the non-muscle 1967 Ferrari 330GTC at $525,000; the "stuff the depression" 1931 Lincoln Model K Convertible at $382,000; the immaculate "70km only still wrapped in the plastic it came in" 2005 Ford GT Coupe at $300,000; the 2006 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren Coupe at $278,500 and a serious 1956 Mercedes Benz 300SL Gullwing that was passed in at $1.2m.

I did manage to catch up with Roy and asked him how he had pulled up after his tiger, Montcore, took offence at one of his magic tricks and bit him on the neck. Roy told me Montcore hadn't meant to kill him and he had forgiven him and they were mates again.

As Lacerda mumbled when we finally drove out of Las Vegas, "No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs. Reality itself is too twisted.