Lilie James’s parents make emotional plea as coroner releases evidence of Paul Thijssen planning murder

The parents of Lilie James have spoken of the ‘guilt that will stay with us forever’ as horrific details of the school sports coach’s murder were revealed in court | VIDEO

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The mother of Lilie James has begged young men to respect female opinions and learn how to accept rejection or else risk the deaths of more women, after a coronial inquest heard her daughter’s murderer and short-term boyfriend stalked, coerced and abused her.

In an address to the NSW Coroner’s Court, Peta James apologised for not protecting her “beautiful, independent, intelligent” daughter on the night she was bludgeoned to death by Paul Thijssen in a St Andrew’s Cathedral School bathroom in Sydney’s CBD.

Her eulogy followed the court’s release of a trove of disturbing footage, audio and imagery showing Thijssen’s ruthless preparation of the murder, in which he tried out hammers at a hardware store, stalked James at a train station and shepherded her into a bathroom cubicle before beating her to death. He then made a triple-0 call to calmly instruct police where to find her body, before throwing himself off a cliff in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.

The parents of Lilie James outside court. Picture: NewsWire / Simon Bullard.

The coronial inquest into the two deaths concluded on Thursday after three days of evidence that showed how Thijssen was a “brittle narcissist” who feared James’s rejection of him could be “a stain on his perfectly constructed, ultimately fake reputation”.

Peta James was held by her husband, Jamie, and wept as she spoke about the “guilt” that had plagued her since Lilie’s death.

“We sent Lilie to a school that had similar values to ours, which played a major part in creating the woman she later became. These choices made me question whether we did the right thing,” she said.

“As parents, if we’re not teaching our sons to believe in and respect a woman’s opinion and learn how to accept rejection, then we could be setting our daughters up for failure – in our case, a moment in time we will never recover from.

“Lilie sweetpea, I am so sorry that we couldn’t protect you from what happened that night. The guilt will stay with us forever.”

Footage taken from 2:08pm on October 23, 2023, at the York Street Mitre 10 shows Thijssen strolling down the store’s aisles, where he buys a roll of duct tape and a hammer.

The Thijssen family – based in The Netherlands – did not attend the inquest. They had gathered a mass of evidence showing how their son’s life had “derailed” in the years before his murder-­suicide, counsel assisting the inquiry, Jennifer Single SC, said but declined to provide it to police or counsel. The parents provided a statement to the inquest that was not read aloud.

Peta James gave her speech in a courtroom lined by photos of Lilie.

“I keep asking myself, how do you describe someone to people that have never had the chance to meet Lilie, our beautiful daughter, and won’t get to experience the joy that was Lilian James?” she said.

“There are endless words that can be used to describe her: beautiful, independent, intelligent, caring, kind, loyal, extremely active, a wicked sense of humour, a love for adventure and a smile that could light up the room.

“We spent our mornings in summer down the beach with friends, and in winter at the park, just so I could wear her out.

“Lilie was constantly on the go and kept me on my toes from the morning to bedtime. I think I was one of the few parents that was more than happy when Lilie started school.

“She would spend her free time catching up with friends. And due to all this, she was constantly broke. Whoever said that having a daughter was like having a broke best friend knew what they were talking about.

7.12pm, October 25: Murderer Paul Thijssen stands outside the bathroom in which his future victim Lilie James is changing.

1.30pm, October 25: Thijssen enters the bathroom door as part of a practice run.

“Lilie is outgoing and loves to socialise, Max (her brother) is the total opposite. She would try and get him to go out with her and her friends, which Max did not ­appreciate. She borrowed money off Max as if he was her own personal ATM, to the point where Max put her on a repayment plan when she borrowed money to buy her car. Max now tells the story to anyone that will listen that he owns a 30 per cent stake in her car, as she hadn’t quite finished paying the money back before she passed away.”

Despite her tears, Ms James did not pause once during her statement. “One of my proudest moments was watching her coach the year 7 netball team for St Andrew’s in the grand final,” she said.

“Unfortunately they didn’t win but she told them after the game that they played their best, and there’s always next year.”

The Jameses stayed in the courtroom throughout the inquest, including days when mat­erial showed how Thijssen brutally plotted the death of their daughter.

NSW Coroner Teresa O’Sullivan said their presence was “so powerful … Your participation in this inquest, I’m quite sure, will save lives. I just wish you never had to go through this.”

Videos released by the court on Thursday showed Thijssen buying a Mitre 10 hammer, and making a practice swing, two days before he murdered her. Other footage showed him follow her in a hire car to a south Sydney train station, and practising barging through the door of the school bathroom where he would kill her.

The court also released a photo of Thijssen standing outside the bathroom just before the attack, and the audio of his triple-0 call in the hours after.

The inquest explored the impact of technology on young relationships, after evidence was given showing Thijssen used Snapchat to track James’s movements.

eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant gave evidence on the final day that social media platforms were being used broadly as a tool to exacerbate coercive control. “I think people would be amazed at the tremendous creativity a calculated perpetrator can find to misuse technology,” she said. “Australia is known as early adopters of technology generally. Unfortunately, that means they’re also misusing technology in very damaging ways.”

Monash Gender and Family Violence Prevention Centre director Kate Fitz-Gibbon said Thijssen’s behaviour in driving to James’s family home six times in four days was “information gathering as a means of control”.

“Humiliation is a particularly challenging emotion for someone who is trying to control all aspects of their life to face,” Professor Fitz-Gibbon said. “This obviously involves younger people. I think this is where one of the challenges lies, that young people are increasingly living their lives and sharing their lives online, and so the conduct of location sharing or location monitoring in one relationship … may be safe and consensual.

On October 24, 2023, Thijssen drove a GoGet hire car – a silver Toyota Yaris – to Allawah railway station as he stalked James.

“(But it also sits within) these jealous and possessive behaviours that are motivating (him).”

National Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence Counselling Service 24-hour helpline 1800 RESPECT or 1800 737 732 Lifeline 13 11 14